Medical termination - there were two

[sportify]

I'm 34 with three young children and contraception failed us this time. I found out I was pregnant last week and I just 'knew'. I didn't really even think about it. We both decided I wouldn't be able to cope with a 5,3 and 1 y/o plus another baby, so booked myself in at bypass. I had the scan which put me at about 4 weeks but they took ages finding anything.
They said I had haemorrhaged around the sac and there was quite a bit of internal bleeding. Then, they said there were quite possibly two!
I felt awful and they said I could think about it and coe back next week but I just wanted it over with.
I've just started bleeding from the second pills. I feel really detached and unemotional though. I never felt pregnant this time or had any symptoms. Maybe it was too early.
I'm wondering if it was a missed miscarriage?
Would they have been able to tell me?
I've had no bleeding at all on the outside but had cramps and low backache for days.

Maybe this is going to hit me in a little while.
Somehow knowing there could have been two makes me feel twice the guilt.

Four weeks ? I don't see how it would be possible at all to tell - you don't usually get a heartbeat until six weeks. Right choice for your family, I would dismiss that idea.

6 weeks from lmp but 4 on scan.
They did an internal scan as too early for other obviously.
It was the right decision I believe but I know the guilt and what ifs will still plague me after. Thank you for reply Noeuf

I think this guilt may pass if you are lucky , I don't want to go into too much detail but the first few days you are still hormonal and a bit in shock and making decisions and having interventions. In time it might become ' something that happened' in a more neutral way.

?? It's taking longer than I thought to kick in physically. Second pills around 3.30pm and only just started bleeding a little bit. Not really had any cramping though I have had full dose of codeine.

Well take care of yourself and don't expect to get over it quickly. Any kind of hormone/ medical intervention will mess with your emotions. Short-term, you probably need some time to get back to normal. But I don't think you should feel bad or to blame for your choices.