Please somebody tell me what the hell to do and when?

[Sounsure2]

Name changed for this.

Currently 7 weeks with much wanted baby. However a pregnancy related illness has hit me so badly and so early I don't know whether I can go on. It's degenerative in the vast majority of cases, so the future looks so bleak - there's no guarantee it will even lift after birth.

The main issue is DD who's 2. I feel she's already lost 50% of her mummy in the last few weeks and don't want her to lose me (and me her) entirely as it gets worse and worse. I wanted to have two, but by no means at ANY expense - I want to be a heathy, able mum of two, not a house-bound one. I'd rather be a healthy mum of one than a housebound, miserable mum of two.

Sorry for being cryptic about what the hell it is that's wrong with me - I'm just trying (and probably failing) not to out myself!

I know nothing about abortion as it's not anything I've ever been unfortunate enough to have to consider before. Yet I'm finding it strangely comforting at the moment as a sort of 'if it all becomes really too much there's always that' way.

What I wonder is how long do I have to make the decision and how awful is it (physically speaking)? Presumably there are different options for different stages?

TIA :(

If an abortion is the option you feel you need to take it's still early days, however, a referral on the nhs can take some time so you should book to see your gp asap. You may be able to go direct to bpas but i don't know about that.

You can have a medical abortion (the tablet) up to 9 weeks i think. After that it would be the surgical option (erpc/d&c).

In terms of timescale i'd advise you to make an appointment now to get things moving.

I'm sorry you're having to consider abortion; it sounds like you're in a complicated situation.

I had severe mobility problems due toy first pregnancy & it all got worse in the years after. Lead me to believe exactly what you've said - I wanted 2 but not to end up a bed ridden mum if 2. I'd rather be an ok mum of 1. It's a perfectly sane thought, and something that many people might find hard to understand unless they have been there themselves.

After much struggle I managed to control my health & have my second baby. But had to wait many years to get there. Gap is 7 years between both DC as a result.

Sorry you have to consider abortion, I hope you make your decision quickly.

How awful physically is it? Personally i found the medical abortion very distressing. Not in terms of pain - i had no pain - but i bled heavily for a very long time. At my follow-up scan they saw that i had retained products so i ended up having the surgical as well. I was terrified of the procedure and GA but actually i found it to be a positive experience and i felt a lot better afterwards. I wished i'd gone straight for the surgical option. At least it's all done in one go and you know it's over.

That's just my experience though.

"What I wonder is how long do I have to make the decision and how awful is it (physically speaking)? Presumably there are different options for different stages?"

The sooner the decision is made the "easier" it is meant to be. Once you get to around 7-9 weeks, you can have the surgical option. It sounds scary, but like you, I had no idea what a termination involved and initially thought the word "surgical" scared the hell out of me, but I do see now why it could be the better option. The only problem is, it's not generally carried our in the first early weeks.

I was 5 weeks apparantly when I had the medical termination, I did want the surgical option as I didnt like the idea of waiting it out so to speak. In fact, for me, it wasn't bad at all and over very very quickly. I had no pain, I was advised of some contraction type pain, but I had nothing at all. I did have not-so-painful births in the past however.

I literally inserted the tabs at hospital, went home, fell asleep, woke up and it passed all too easy. That was it. Google had previously not been my friend and I was in terror, so I was rather perplexed. About 3 days later I went for a jog to try hurry the bleeding along and that helped. I wasnt even bleeding a week later.

However when the physical is done the emotional stuff is hard going. I never expected to be so hurt. I don't know how you would feel but you need to consider it for sure.

I'm sorry your in such a complicated situation.

Many women have terminated because of health reasons, because either the pregnancy itself would be too risky to them to continue, or even if it was just an illness that would only last the pregnancy, because they knew they couldn't manage those 9 months of being so ill while still trying to be a mum to their family.

I believe it could take a few weeks to see a GP, get a referral and then get an appointment, though sometimes it can be a lot quicker - my understanding is it depends how many clinics are near you and how many appointments they offer.

I understand why you are thinking 'if it becomes too much there is a way out' but being honest, there isn't always that much of a timescale. Have you spoken to a GP yet? It may be that perhaps they can assess and refer you and then you can make an appointment later if you decide to terminate the pregnancy.

Have you been able to talk to a specialist thoroughly about what you are suffering from, and find out the odds of it lifting or of it happening in another pregnancy?

I'm sorry, this sounds like a terrible dilemma. I wanted to post because i also had medical problems in my second pregnancy and decided not to continue - I decided that being a great mum to one was the better option for me at this point in my life, but every situation is very different.

I should also say, in case relevant to you, that the nature of my problems meant that getting to the point of termination was complicated and time consuming (although every one I met along the way was lovely and at every point I felt I could change my mind if necessary). I had a meeting with my GP, who referred me to a local Bpas clinic (although you can phone bpas and make an appointment direct, you don't need to be referred. in England at least). When i went to bpas, they said that my medical situation meant I couldn't be dealt with by them and I had to be referred to a more specialist unit than available locally (although they helped sort this). So overall it took longer.

The actual abortion wasn't that bad - I had a medical abortion (i.e. pills not surgery) at 13 weeks (would have been quite a bit earlier without the delays).

BPAS helpline are very good if you want advice.