Can't imagine having another baby, can't face an aabortion

[theendoftheendoftheend]

I think I should have an abortion. It makes absolute sense, my ex and I are separated with 3 young children. Last month in a moment of madness we slept together, I took eemergency contraception the next day, which has oobviously failed. Ex very much wants me to have an abortion and I ccompletely agree except I don't think I can. He will put a lot of pressure on me and i don't blame him! Any advice would be very very welcome. Has any one been in a ssimilar situatio? Sorry my hhead is in a jumble.

Bump

Sorry you're finding yourself in this position.

I've been there and i know that feeling. I didn't want another baby but i didn't want an abortion either. I was constantly hoping that nature would intervene.

My advice would be to go to the gp for a referral to an abortion clinic and go along to the appointment. You don't have to go through with the abortion just because you're there and they should give you some counselling first.

I really feel for you. It's such a difficult time made all the worse by the hormones that are raging.

Do you have anyone you can talk to in rl?

Unfortunately no one can make the decision for you. The most important thing is that you make the choice you, not to please anyone else. And it might never feel like the 'right' decision whichever way you go but that doesn't mean it's the wrong decision if that makes sense. Sometimes we have to do what we think is best and try to make our peace with it. Whether that be going ahead with the pregnancy or having a termination. Neither is ideal and both will have a certain impact on your life.

There's no shame in abortion if you feel that you can't bring another child into the world. It's a responsible decision to make. You took precautions to prevent it happening and unfortunately it happened anyway.

I'm so so sorry. I really do understand your despair, as do many on this board.

Take your time and keep coming back here to talk it through if it helps.

What purplefeathers said...

Can you get counselling prior to requesting an abortion? I don't know if that's possible or if there's time for it. I'm just thinking of you had the counselling in advance it might help you to be confident about your decision. Which in turn would help you live with it.

Big hugs I'm so sorry you're in this difficult situation. Good luck.

Thank you so much for replying. I don't have anyone to talk to really, my mums ace and very supportive but she's always said an abortion is the one thing she could never forgive. I Would have to pretend it was a miscarriage and keep the lie up forever, which is something I'd really struggle with.
Ex is being OK, we have spoken about it but he is very much wanting me to have an abortion, which I completely understand its the logical thing to do, but I don't think he understands that that won't just be the end of it for me and I really don't know how I'd cope with it.
I'm only about 5 weeks, I'm going to go back to the DR's next week to discuss my options. My previous pregnancies weren't plain sailing and I can't risk myself because of my current DC's. I just wish I didn't have to make this decision. Or that I had a clear answer in my head. As far as I can see there is no 'right' decision.

No, I think you're right, there is no right decision sadly. Maybe just a least bad decision.

Is there a website or leaflet or someone that could talk to your ex so that he could maybe better understand how it all might be for you? Maybe ask at docs?

I'm sure you know your mum but just thought it might be worth considering that am abortion might be something she could never forgive EXCEPT when it's YOU in THIS situation? I don't know but people are nothing if not inconsistent ime...

When you say you can't risk yourself because of your current DCs it sounds as if you've made up your mind? Maybe really chat to docs about getting some ongoing counselling / cbt / other talking therapy to help you get through this. Because you WILL get through it. Whatever you decide. And however hard it is. You will get through it all. And whatever you choose you WILL have at least your current DCs and your mum all of whom love you very much. You can do it (whatever IT may be) - you've got three young children - you ARE strong!!!!! Good luck

I felt through same way about my mum, in fact all my family. I made the decision not to tell them. It was difficult at first because i just wanted to break down in my mum's arms but i'm pleased now that i never said anything. The problem is you never truly know how anyone will react and once you've told someone there's no taking it back. I did, however, have a few close friends i felt able to confide in.

But as the pp said, maybe your mum would forgive you this. I know i'd support my children through anything. Equally, i hope she'd support you going forward with another pregnancy.

It is hard knowing who to trust with such personal and sensitive information.

And i don't like saying 'maybe she'll forgive you this' because this truly is not something you need forgiveness for. It can be had enough to forgive ourselves, we shouldn't need to seek forgiveness or understanding from others.

I've learned from my experience to not make judgemental statements in front of my children. I'd hate to think of them suffering alone unable to seek support from me for fear of what i might think of them.

I'm a bit at your mum's reaction. It's not her having to go through the near-death experience of childbirth is it? Very strange attitude, and more than a tad controlling.
I think you should abort, if you already have three and are ambivalent about it.

So one significant person in your life is leaning on you to have an abortion, and another (you believe) would lean the other way?

But despite that, and history of difficult PGs, you say in thread title and opening post that you cannot face having one. This is all about your well-being. If you think abortion is wrong, even if it's just gut feeling you cannot shake, then don't have one.

Well you don't sound as if you are any happier or more convinced about having a fourth child than you are about the abortion, so you are between a rock and a hard place either way. So you may as well pick the option that you feel in your gut is the best long term outcome for you.

Given that you didn't plan another child, don't want another child, took the MAP after sex to avoid another child, the father doesn't want another child and you are recently separated from him anyway, I can't think of a single reason not to have the abortion.

Just because it's not the nicest or easiest thing to do doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do in the circumstances.

I can think of a good reason not to abort, it's a person. My DC's sibling. I made efforts for this not to happen, but now it has I don't want to take responsibility for ending it. I just don't want to. I think I could have it. I think it would be hard, I would have to cancel all my plans and accept my life was going to be all about babies, people will judge me, think badly of me, but so what. Children grow up, time moves on, people quickly go back to worrying about their own lives. Ex wants me to consider the effect on his family, I presume he means his eldest brother who is expecting his first baby and will most likely be cross and imagine that in some way ex is stealing his thunder. Unfortunately I don't think that can have a bearing on my decision. Ex has also intimated it would make him suicidal, which is a favoured threat, but I can't help but feel he's an adult, I can be held responsible for myself and my DC but not everyone! The DC have a relatively small impact on his life as it is, my mum does more then him. We are not in this together. He

I posted by accident I was just having a rant

Your ex is being an arse. I think you need to take a step away from him and decide what's best for you.it's easy for him to say, the baby is not growing inside him.
In your situation I'd be considering abortion too. But obviously going through it and living with yourself afterwards is another thing. I echo what others have said- perhaps some counselling may be the way forward.

Funnily enough I started counselling just last week, but it was meant really to help me maintain boundaries with ex so that incidents like last month don't happen again with an eye to moving on and forming happy healthy relationships in the future!
So far ex has been nice about it, then changed mid conversation to nasty. Accused me of raping him. Been nice again. Stated we could have a future together as a family if I abort. Threatened suicide. Said everyone will think I'm trying to trap him. Said he will 'be there for me' if I abort and it could all be our secret.
I just wish he'd fuck off tbh.

As hard as it is to do as you already have kids with him, I think you need to try to remove your ex from the situation, it is NOT up to him what you do with your body and tough if his family don't like it, the suicide threats are him trying to control you, I've been there with that one and it's not fair or ok to put that on someone.

Is he more concerned about his own recursion and paying child support by any chance?

You need to do what is best for you, if you're going to regret it forever then don't do it alternatively if you know it's the right thing then do it, speak to qualified counsellors first though.
It's not an easy choice but whatever you decide it can't be based on your ex or your mum or anyone but you.

your ex sounds like a prick. I read somewhere, maybe on here, that some men seem to think of abortion as a reset button and of course is not. I'm strongly pro choice and if you wanted an abortion suggest telling your mum the doctors found something dreadfully wrong with the baby and it wouldn't live or something like that. but you don't want be bullied into something you don't want to do by a man who sounds like a total bell end so talk to your counsellor and make the right decision for you and your family. good luck I know it's a horrible situation to be in but with the right support you can make the right choice for you and it will be alright

sodding phone I'm sorry, it mangled my post. it should've said you don't sound like you want a termination so don't want to bullied into...etc

Had a termination myself..... and it taught me never to be slack with contraception again! It is a hard decision to make. Personally I feel your decision has already been made in that your partner your seperated from doesnt want another child. Cant imagine it will be the best thing for your other dcs either, very very confusing for them and certainly no example for them. in fact they would be my reason for terminating this pregnancy. You know how much hard work babies are and you need stability and support for you all. Terminating a pregnancy is hard and often harder when its our own stupid irresponsible fault!