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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

To terminate or to keep.

37 replies

PheasantFeather · 08/01/2015 11:48

I am mid twenties, have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend and recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. Not planned.

We both run our own businesses and money is fine. One of my worries is that a baby will scupper my career plans.

We are completely at a loss about what to do.

We had so many plans to travel, we love going out, and both are very spontaneous, active people. We are worried a baby will put a stop to this.

We also realise we got ourselves into this and there are countless people in a far worse situation than we are. We both have loving families to help and I work from home.

I have never been pregnant before nor have I had a termination. Advice on either route would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

Starlight9 · 10/01/2015 13:51

Babies do not effect ANY plans! My daughter comes EVERYWHERE with me and did so until I started her in a private nursery at 2 years old. EVERYWHERE included managing to go from living in a homeless hostel when pregnant to getting myself in to one of the best universities in the UK, building a terrific career and obtaining my own fairly sized home. It's hard and tiring but you just juggle everything and it makes sense. I am now looking in to purchasing my first business and have met the most amazing man who adores me and my daughter. He is hardworking and runs a local garage and we are expecting baby number 2 this Summer but it hasn't stopped me doing anything! I haven't travelled but that's because I choose not to, I would pack my daughter up and take her if I decided to travel - we often eat out as wonderful restaurants and she comes with us (unless Grandma has stolen her for the weekend), we obviously do not drink alcohol but who cares! Please do not ever think that having a child will ruin any plans that you have, if anything my daughter is my motivation.. I can not tell you whether to keep or terminate that baby but please take on board what I am saying, do not do it because it will effect any plans that you have.

I had a termination a couple of years before having my daughter because I didn't want to be a single mother, didn't have my career etc.. I regret it constantly. I could have done everything that I have now if I had decided to keep that baby.. I was close to terminating my pregnancy with my daughter at one stage and have often cried since because I wouldn't have her now if I had done so.

Sorry this is a little bit of a rant but please take on board what I say. A pregnancy is a delightful little gift! Feel free to message me if you need to talk it through. I hope you do not think that I am judging you in any way, it is your choice.

Xxx

thornyhousewife · 14/01/2015 14:00

I can totally see your predicament and you must be feeling really shocked and confused right now.

I can't say what choice I think you should make, but I can tell you that I had kids young and unexpectedly. It has been very hard at points, but things have come together in a way I didn't expect and I feel very happy that they arrived when they did.

I have also very recently had a termination, and there was absolutely 0 doubt that it was the right choice for me. I feel lucky that I had access to the treatment.

I think your life will still be exciting and adventurous if you choose a baby at this point. I see mothers living their dreams every day. Equally, if this is not the time for you then that is completely understandable.

Good luck

Original poster

PheasantFeather · 30/01/2015 10:14

Thank you to everyone for all their comments. We have decided to keep the baby - it was the hardest decision but the other option just didn't sit well with me at all. The baby, we have decided, will fit in with what we want to do with our lives, if that is possible! We feel we can still have fun, have careers, see friends and have a baby. I hope we are right.

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 30/01/2015 10:21

I hope we are right. Whatever you feel is best, is right! Good luck op! I am pleased you have found peace with your situation & have made a decision!

expatinscotland · 30/01/2015 10:22

Good on you both!

Enormouse · 30/01/2015 10:30

pheasant. You sound very grounded and smart and I wish you all the best for the coming months .

Violettadoesthekondo · 30/01/2015 10:42

One baby is usually very portable. A whole family of kids takes much more money and organisation. My first was very easy and we could have travelled with him if we wanted to.

Tranquilitybaby · 30/01/2015 11:45

That's lovely news, congrats x

teapotdormouse · 30/01/2015 21:44

OP you have to make your own decision. You sound like a capable adult certainly - ignore strangers on the internet who "beg" you to continue the pregnancy. That's just bizarre. They don't know you or your situation.
Have a good think and talk it over with your partner.

I had a termination in a situation very similar to yours (mid twenties, self-employed, secure relationship, but a baby would have scuppered all career/travel plans and trapped me in a town I hated) while using contraception and I don't regret it.

I actually also posted on mumsnet asking for advice at the time and was really intimidated by all the sudden posts pressuring me into continuing the pregnancy. A baby would have ruined my life at that time and I would have resented and regretted the child. I panicked and told the pro-life posters on the thread that they were right and I was going to have the baby. In fact I terminated and didn't tell anyone. I was scared and ashamed, but I didn't need to be. It's a totally legal choice that one in three women make in their lifetimes. It's up to you. Good luck whatever you decide.

teapotdormouse · 30/01/2015 21:46

Ahh sorry, just seen you have decided to keep! Congratulations. Sorry if my post now seems weird - just wanted to make sure anyone reading this knew that pregnancy was always their decision and theirs alone.

It sounds like you have thought it through properly and have a great life ahead of you. You'll be a better parent for having made such a thoughtful and positive choice. All the best!

ABottleOfWhiteRum · 30/01/2015 22:01

Congratulations! I think you are right, and I think mid twenties is a good age for it! The fact that most of my friends are childless means my kids are a novelty, so while my social life has changed I don't feel like I have lost friends, and my parents/in laws are fit enough to help with childcare which has helped my career as well as my relationship and my friendships. We haven't done much travelling because we're not too bothered about it, but you definitely can travel with kids!

sebsmummy1 · 30/01/2015 22:05

Aaah so pleased for you, hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

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