An update for those who gave me advice a week or two ago

[CrowdedMind]

Well I have had an up-and-down time over the last few weeks, as is to be expected. More than a few tears and a roller-coaster of emotion.

Anyhow, last week went to a counselling session and today took the first pill for a medical termination. Am feeling surprisingly relieved, so think I have done the right thing. A lot of it has come down to our ages, me 43 and DP nearly 50. With two kids at school we had moved on from the baby stage and were planning the next phase of our life. DP especially was worried about how he could support another as he moved into retirement age, although he was fully prepared to let me make the decision and would have supported me either way.

There is some guilt, but I don't think regret. It has made me more determined to focus on the kids we already have and to give them more time and happy experiences.

I know the 'worst' of the experience is yet to come, when I have my second appointment on Friday and the process takes its course. DP is going to work from home and give me space. I have taken comfort from all the wise words on this board, and I just wanted to let you all know how much support I have gained just from reading your shared experiences. This is such a sensitive topic and it is very difficult to talk about in real life - I have told no-one apart from DP, and probably never will.

I'm glad you feel ok crowded and you have good support from your dh. Keep talking to us here as much as you need to/want to. It is so helpful to talk to people who understand and people who can support with judging or imposing their views (i know some of the posters haven't had terminations but are so supportive and understanding).

I hope Friday goes ok too. Get in some thick sanitary pads and painkillers and take it easy.

Glad you two made a decison together that suits you best. I hope it all goes smoothly.

I'm glad you are seeing a positive side to this and can focus on making the best of your time with your children in the future. This is a medical procedure, try to think of it as such. You are doing the best thing for you and your family and that's all that matters.

Glad you're feeling ok as you can be. Good luck on Friday

Hope today goes as well as can be expected crowded

Thanks for your thoughts. Am feeling a bit wobbly today, not regret (too late for that), but just emotional. Everything seems so everyday just now, but it plainly isn't an every day. At all.

I started bleeding last night, but not majorly. Have to wait until lunchtime for the appointment. Then I'm going to tuck myself up in bed with a hot water bottle and MN, and DP has promised to keep me supplied with hot drinks.

We've not planned anything for the weekend, but I'm really hoping the weather is nice and fresh and we can get out on a breezy, sunny walk somewhere high and away from the rest of the world.

Bed and hot drinks sounds good. Just remember to take it a bit easy over the weekend, you might feel a bit weak but a walk away from the world sounds very therapeutic. I really hibernated for a while after mine and just did loads of stuff with my dc (partly to make up for being so ill for what felt like so long).