Do others love their unborn baby already?

[emmyloo2]

I know this is probably a stupid question but I am quite surprised at how much I love my little baby already, even though he is not yet born. I think since I saw him in 3D on Saturday and discovered he was a he, I just feel this immense love for him already.

Is that ridiculous? I find myself talking to him occasionally. Happily my husband is as equally besotted.

I just never thought I would be like this because tbh I don't even really like kids and had no maternal instinct or desire for children until I fell pregnant. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by this little guy hanging out inside me.

Anyone else feel like this?

I don't think I do. I am concerned it is okay and am sure we will love it when we meet it, but at the moment it still feels like an abstract concept.

I must admit that I wasn't overwhelmed with love for my little one until some time after he is born.

And "I must admit" it because of what Esme01 and yellowflowers said: it needs to be said as not getting the rushes of love is a very anxiety- and guilt-inducing situation for new mothers.

I was fond of bump, and exhausted in the face of new DS, but I don't believe in love at first sight, anyway, so I waited, and my love for him has grown strand by strand, so it is durable and deep. He is a real person, but a little one, so my love has to be able to withstand the lack of empathy and the thoughlessness and the failed "experiments" of this age (2). This love flows over and around and through these faults, and it is strengthened by the pride I feel when he learns to do something, or manages to overcome his frustration, or spontaneously kisses me.

If you have read this thread feeling sick because you have never felt anything like what was described, please read my post and feel hope. You do have to work at this sort of love, as it doesn't grow by itself. In any case, developing a "relationship" with your little one, and treating it as a "relationship"is something which any parent needs to do anyway, as the child grows up. No doubt, in the teen years, it is all about "relationship" dynamics, not about baby love!

P.S. Sorry if this seems like pissing all over the baby love that some other posters have been describing, but it is important for people who don't have that to hear there is a way through it!

I didn't particularly. It didn't seem real really. Didn't feel an overwhelming rush of OMG love either when he was born, altho I did love him.
Different for everyone I think.

thanks pluperfect - that is a great post. x

You see, yellowflowers, perfectly normal and acceptable!

Everyone is different.

We've nicknamed ours (Peanut) from the start - in a way it was easier than saying 'the baby', 'it', 'he/she', etc and seemed more personal. to that end our entire extended family now lovingly call my bump 'Peanut'.

It also made what was happening more real to those who weren't carrying Peanut 24/7.

I also think we are hormonally programmed to 'love' our child to some degree. If we weren't we'd abandom them.

Thanks pluperfect. I think I do love my baby, but in a very quiet, let's-wait-and-see kind of way. I can't wait to meet him or her and I'm so happy to be pregnant, but right now, I'm enjoying the quietness. DH and I have given him a nickname (I'm convinced it's a "he" and really want to know the sex so I can mentally adjust if he turns out to be a she!)

I'm not an emotionally cold person at all, so I guess I'm just enjoying the calm before the storm of the emotional overhaul (good or bad!) or birth and actually being a mum. Also it's been a dead stressful few months (redundancy from stressful job, buying house), so that may have something to do with it!

Nice that you feel that way OP

Personally, I ranged from indifference to outright resentment towards my unborn children. I had horrible pregnancies.

I did fall fiercely in love with them the minute they were born though. It took me a while longer to like my 2nd child, but I loved them both straight away. Sort of an animal protective hormonal thing.

Some people take a while to love them. I have a friend who has an urge to tell all mothers of newborns that it's completely okay if you don't love them yet. It will come. She felt so guilty and monsterous for not loving hers straight away, and wishes someone could have told her it was okay.

Lia, Dp was the same with ds. Didn't want to touch the bump, not interested in prams etc. We did go shopping for some clothes when I was nearly 7 months - ds was born a week later and in special care for five weeks so dp sorted stuff out for when ds came home and bought me essential hosp stuff after the fact. Ds is 3.5 and they have a great relationship now. He was less involved with ds as a small baby but he had always maintained he would be more interested once ds was a bit older and it's true -again think this applies to lots of dads.

And yes, I loved ds from the moment I knew I was pg and from the moment he was born. I know I am lucky in that - not everyone does and there is nothing wrong with it at all if you don't feel that way. Each experience is unique. I'm 23 wks now and because of sickness then high risk score for downs I didn't really feel for this child until the stress was all resolved. Now we are having a great bonding bath together and yes, I do feel love for him/her. I just don't have so much time to think about it because I have ds to care for in the here and now.

Lovely OP

I don't feel 'love' for it as such (and didn't with the others)... I've never known what they are until birth so maybe that has something to do withit?

But am certainly connected to it (bonded too strong a word)

With the others I felt the love pretty much straight away though