Anyone else worry whether or not their DH will ever look at them the same way again? (Possibly TMI):)

[CeeCee123]

Nothing like being very pregnant to make you feel incredibly unattractive! I'm 38 weeks with my second and feel like a human barrage balloon I know they say that you have to just put all your dignity to one side when you have a baby, but sometimes it still can get a bit much. This weekend I had a small amount of show - cue having to have lots of embarassing conversations with the midwife in front of my DH all about colour, quantity of discharge etc. Including being asked to show them my soiled pad (urgh - I wish the ground could have swallowed me up!). Didn't help that the midwife was in fact an incredibly good looking male Spanish midwife - they should have a law against that kind of thing! Oh yes, and lots of questions about whether or not I had stress incontinence, oh, how attractive....

Anyway,I then had to go and have a speculum exam at the hospital to check my waters hadn't broken (they hadn't...) including the nurse waving around the speculum afterwards "Oh, it's just some mucus" and so on and so forth. My poor DH. He's such a trooper and very supportive but even he agreed it was all a bit much.

I know it's all about making sure the baby is safe and we're all adults, but I did rather feel that what ever feminine mystique you are left with after 8 years of marriage and two kids more or less evaporated this weekend.

I'm not even sure I want to let my DH down the business end at the birth, but he says there's no way he's going to miss - TMI warning! - a human head coming out of my muff! Do you think he'll ever look at my lady garden the same way again?

I worry about this,too - I can almost see Gordon ramsey's point about not wanting to be at the birth for this very reason.

But then, I figure, we have to know all about it, so why shouldn't they?

Well my dh stayed at the business end the whole pregnancy (I had banished him to the corner) so he saw more than just the baby coming out!

And to be fair on him he was totally in awe of me afterwards. Even through this pregnancy with the stretchmarks etc he has been very kind about flattering me (not sure if he means it or not but at least he understands I need it!).

It hasn't impacted the way he sees me in 'that' way. Just like you forget how awful childbirth can be, they forget too!

oh... goody poor you

wtf was the nurse doing with the speculum?

poor you, and poor DP...

Maybe he's trying to be all big and brave because he thinks that what you want. Have you spoken to him about it, could he have the option of ducking out of the room in these times?

i didn't want DH down the business end during labour at all and he thought he wouldn't either but he ended up seeing DS being born

I don't know if it's because we probably share too much information as a couple anyway but his attitude towards me physically hasn't changed since DS, he wanted to get back in the sack immediately...don't forget it's pretty bloody awe inspiring what you're doing!

I dont think (most) men are really bothered, they dont have our finer feelings and would not let birth memories get in the way of a sh*g.

Its far more likely that you wont want to let him anywhere near you for months tbh!

Ive never come across a male midwife though ,that must have been weird!

DH and I are not "bathroom door open" people at all, and I have been gently raising with him the prospect of fluids, the fact I may do a poo, will bleed, may wee myself etc during labour.

So far I think he thinks I am just trying to scare him, so we may need a proper talk at some point as I don't want him to freak out.

This is the downside of having retained some mystery despite 11 years together!

Poo and wee might happen? Oh no

I am too wrapped up with the first trimester worries to have thought that far ahead...not good news! Not relishing that prospect....

I had an awful time with DD's birth and DH was there throughout. I think he was just so relieved we all got through it ok and was kind of impressed with what I'd got through that it certainly had no negative impact on our relationship in anyway.

TBH I was far more horrified at having to ask him to clean up the monumental mess I made in his parent's bathroom at Christmas after I came down with norovirus! I won't go into details but if you've ever had it, you'll know what I'm talking about!

I think if poo comes out the midwife justs whisks it away with a bit of gauze. Very efficient and matter of fact, and they're very used to it.

And wee? Well there's so much fluid around from the waters, how would anyone know?

I was the same worrying about this with DH.

I had the trots before giving birth, so I am guessing without anyone actually shouting it out during pushing that I may well have parted with something from my bowel end.
The worst part for me, was lying there with legs akimbo, after the birth as the bloomin placenta got stuck and wouldn't part from my womb lining, leaving me exposed for over an hour with it hanging out (sorry tmi), DH said he didn't notice as he was too busy holding a small human.
He did point out after they plonked me on a bed to take me to theatre that the small human had left a terrible mess on the bedding (didn't bother telling him it was me).

It never affected us at all, he is maybe even more affectionate with me now as I have produced this small human (that is bigger and noisier now). Our sex life was better once I was ready and I am currently expecting baby number 2.

My DH sat on a chair beside me, he only got up to get water and a flannel for my face that was his choice and it didn't bother me, as I could see him and I knew he was there.

My DP has never looked at me in the same way again. Now he thinks I am an amazing creature able to create life from my very being whereas before he thought I was just a moderately attractive woman.

DD's only 16 months mind so I suppose he has plenty of time to change back!

im worried cus my hubby couldnt watch me have blood taken cus he felt he might faint and literally was hiding behind a curtian.

am also worried bout pooing- specialy as i was told i have a retroversed womb (tilts the wrong way not that unusual) decided giving birth on all 4s would b easier - then had thoughts of progectile pooing everywhere - its not like its gunna discreatly pop out if ur on all 4s is it - then wot if it goes on my baby or sprays everyone in the room?? (sorry way tmi but i cant help thinking bout it)

still at least is he fainted he wouldnt see the whole thing lol!!!

My DH was very sweet and didn't watch the actually birth, stayed at the head end, because he thought I did all the work, why should he get to see our daughter first.

Feliena my OH was the same and didn't really want to be at the birth. He would feel faint at the thought of a blood test. However, he came to hospital with me when labour started as he was too scared to leave my side. I had an emergency cs and he was there throughout. He was amazing.

Lol at Feliena's poo nightmare

Debka That is so thoughtful of your husband, what a decent man !

Diamond

"but he says there's no way he's going to miss - TMI warning! - a human head coming out of my muff!"

PMSL

He sounds great

jings - nothing puts men off sex, They are a simple formula as far as I have ever seen....and poo....well so long as they are english it all adds to the toilet humour right??

I had adamently told my DH that he was to stay head end with DC1 but when the midwife said do you want to see the head he just went looking in a sate of shock. The first thing he said was "bloody hell look at the size of her, you've had a 6 month old" she was 9lb 13 oz and very fat looking. He picked her up and she released meconium all over him to let her feelings known.
Im now pg with DC 4 so it hasnt stopped us but he's never been near the Delivery end again.

thanks lillybloom - thats made me feel a bit better!! have also told him that if he does faint dont expect me to stop or be helped up til babys out lol!!

We would have a 'closed bathroom door' type relationship but when it came to labour he really wanted to play his part. He saw pretty much everything and thought I was amazing acknowledging that there was no way on earth he could have done it!! We are on our third now and TBH our sex life is just getting better. I am not as supple and have all the war scars but the more comfortable I have become with myself its as if he doesnt even see them. Sexiness is something entirely different. Could prob spend a whole thread trying to define it! He will be in awe of you not just for giving birth but for the mother you are going to be. Loved catching these little looks of awe on my hubbies face especially in those first few months when they feel that it all comes so naturally to you and they are just trying to figure it out.

Just wanted to say I've found this thread really reassuring. I've just started growing a bump and am somewhere between in total awe of it, and worried about what I'll look like if I become massive! I don't think DP will mind but it's still nice to hear of other people's who haven't IYSWIM.

I think they get over it cos they want to get their leg over, sorry to be flippant!

Our DD's birth was a bit of a gore fest and my VERY squeamish DP (you just need to say 'heart' and he goes a funny colour) was pretty much ok. He went a bit funny when the midwife brought in the mop and bucket but apart from that was fine.

He too had nearly fainted when they had put a canula in my hand earlier on in the pregnancy but was fine.

I think he kind of thinks that if me being a bit more saggy than before is the price he had to pay for his DD, who he adores, then he's ok with that.