Struggling with twin preg - woe is me, sorry

[AxisofEvil]

I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with ID twins and I'm struggling. It was a much wanted pregnancy - we'd be trying a long time and had some fertility treatment.

I'm finding it really hard to be positive though. We had bleeding on and off for several weeks with threatened miscarriage. Then we had the NT tests and came back high risk (under 1:100) for T18 (Edwards). I had a CVS on Friday and since then I've felt really sick. My morning sickness had pretty much subsidied to low nausea but I've been throwing up quite a lot since the test and feel bad both physically and mentally - I don't know if it is stress.

The results of the CVS are due back in the next few days and whilst I know logically that the chances are they are going to be fine I still feel quite stressed and concerned we will end up having to terminate.

But the thing is, I can't help but feel that this pregnancy isn't going to end well. Assuming we get through the genetic results, there is the gauntlet of TTTS and growth restriction and according to the FMC website there seems to be a 10% chance of loss (mainly due to TTTS) in the next 10 weeks. After that there is still a 4% chance of loss in the rest of the pregnancy, large early delivery risks with all that comes with it.

To be honest I just can't see that in 6 months I will have two healthy babies and it just feels like a series of increasing hurdles until we fall at one.

I'm normally a strong person who can cope with most things and I've dealt with a lot in the past but this feels hopeless. It probably doesn't help that an acquaintance of mine lost twins mid pregnancy about a year ago.

Any words of advice or encouragement?

My heart goes out to you. The stress with one is bad enough and there are all those added stresses when carrying 2. I think you are 'normal' to have all these concerns, especially seeing as you clearly haven't had an easy ride so far. Have you spoken to your midwife about how you're feeling? She might be able to put you in touch with a twins support group of some sort. There's also the possibility of counselling. A friend of mine had it all the way through her pregnancy as she couldn't cope with being pregnant. She is a wonderful mum and didn't suffer post natal depression, it was just the pregnancy she couldn't cope with. I would advise to stop looking things up though, it doesn't help knowing the statistics and just makes you more convinced that you will be one of those.

Big hugs being sent to you.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I'm a Mum of twins and had a very difficult pregnancy so I understand.

You are bombarded with facts and figures about all the doom and gloom stats that go with having twins so it's not surprising that you sit wondering if things will go wrong. I know I did. It is very stressful indeed.

The only advice I can give you is to take a day at a time and try to rest and look after yourself as much as possible. I know it sounds daft but I used to talk to the babies all the time. I would tell them how much they were wanted, how much I loved them and how much I was doing my best to look after them and get to term. It helped.

In the event, they were 8 weeks early and were in neonatal unit for 3 weeks but they were and are fine. In fact they are strapping eight year olds now and driving me crazy in other ways.

If you are worried about the sickness it might be worth getting checked out to rule out anything other than morning sickness but for what it's worth I was sick on and off for the whole pregnancy and it was definitely worse when I was tired and stressed.

The other thing you might find helpful is TAMBA (twins and multiple birth association). It may help you to chat things through with them as I'm sure they would have more helpful advice than I am giving you!

Keep going. You have said you are a strong person so you can do it. Sending you every best wish for good test results.

Thanks both - it means a lot to know that I don't sound like a total loon!

The clinic has just called with my prelim results of the CVS and they are all clear! I burst into tears as soon as I put the phone down. However whilst I do feel very relieved of course, it does feel like one of many hurdles. But you're right, one day at the time.

To be honest I've been trying not to bond with the babies too much (or even actively think about them a great deal) as a means of protecting myself if the worst happened. However maybe I need to change that. And maybe stop googling

Great news about your results! So pleased for you. Yes - stop googling although I know it is so easy to do!

Good luck and lots of positive thinking. I really do think it helps. Come back here if you want to talk.

Fab news on your results!

I was the same with trying not to bond during my first pregnancy, it was only after she was born I realised that if something had happened the fact that I tried not to bond would not have made it any easier!

The things we put ourselves through, which our DP's could never understand!

Google is the root of all evil