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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant & its like its happening to someone else

9 replies

Jaffa1972 · 27/06/2010 10:39

Hi all,

I'm 38 and pregnant for the first time, its not planned but not unwelcome I didn't ever think I'd get to have a child but now its happening I don't feel like I can connect with it, its like someones told me I've got something wrong with me.

I'm eating the right things, getting plenty of sleep, no booze etc etc but don't feel happy.

My partner is suffering from depression and has gone into free fall think this is half the problem, all he's worrying about is money and how is ex and family will react as he'd not even really let them know about us properly even though its been two years I've never met his family and they adore his ex and speak to her every day.

I feel very alone and even though my friends are delighted they're all tiptoeing round me as I'm not showing any emotion about it at all which is not like me

I just want him to hold me and say yes its going to be hard but I love you and we'll work it out but all he's doing is drinking more and more and talking about how it all affects him and how he feels.

I want to lay down the law and say look this is no half measures any more but afraid of then doing this alone, am I being stupid to want more support are all men this noncommital and I'm just being sensitive???

OP posts:
japhrimel · 27/06/2010 10:43

I think your OH needs help. My OH had gone off his antidepressants to see if he could cope without them just before I got pregnant, but then we decided that I needed him stable and not needy, so he went back on them. It's really helped - we could only cope with one emotional hormonal wreck at a time!

If your OH is drinking to drown depression, that's a scary slippery slope. Would he go to the doctors to talk about not coping, do you think?

NETTEYJC · 27/06/2010 10:56

I agree with japh, your partner needs to get help, I think that if he was being a stable and supportive influence towards you ( as most men are in pregnancy) then you would be far happier about being pregnant. It can't help either that his family don't know about you, why is he putting the feelings of his ex over yours? - alarm bells would be ringing there is it was me.

I personally would lay down the law and tell him to get his act together or you will finish it, is he planning on keeping his baby a secret from his family when it's born just so his ex doesn't get hurt? You ex will get worse if this isn't sorted out now because as well as his depression he will have the extra pressure of keeping up his lies to his family and ex.

Jaffa1972 · 27/06/2010 10:57

He ended up going a while back and said he didnt want antidepressants they gave him blood pressure tablets that are said to reduce panic attacks but hes taken a few and done nothing else they made him counseling appointments which he's never been to and he went to the alcohol team once thought they where patronizing and won't go again.

I've had two years of this now and feel bad for not wanting to help him anymore but if he wont help himself what on earth do i do??

OP posts:
barkfox · 27/06/2010 11:53

Jaffa1972, this sounds like an awful situation, I'm really sorry.

It's really easy to get macho about other people's choices and lives, cos we aren't dealing with all the emotions you are experiencing - but it really does sound as if he's done nothing to help himself, and if that persists, he's going to make life very difficult for you too. So I agree with the idea of some calm and clear ultimatums, and I think sooner rather than later is a good idea.

I can't tell you how frustrated I am by men (and IME it is usually men) who acknowledge that they are depressed, but refuse to contemplate anti-depressants or counselling. There is a kind of narcissistic isolation that happens with depression ('no understands me') - which is a big hurdle to be got over. And the idea that counselling is patronising or somehow won't be 'intelligent' enough I've heard a lot before! My only answer has been that you can be intellectually as smart as anything, but that doesn't mean you are emotionally intelligent, or capable. And sorry, but does he think he's the only person that's ever suffered from depression? Or that he has a special unique kind of depression that will baffle medical science?? The idea that anti-depressants or counselling (or anything) won?t help him is a self fulfilling prophecy. [I think the blood pressure tablets you mention must be beta blockers. They are prescribed for panic attacks, and can have a calming/sleepy effect, but they don?t have any fundamental or lasting effect on low mood].

That sounds really harsh, but if you?ve spent a couple of years in this situation, with him doing little or nothing to sort himself out, now that you?re pregnant, you have a really good reason to draw a line and demand that he sort himself out. (I don?t understand how he can have been with you for 2 years and embarked on a not unwelcome pregnancy with you, without his family being aware. That sounds very odd to me, although obviously I don?t know all the details ? but it?s really clear that you can?t wait or rely on him to address things in his own time.)

I?d recommend that you get as clear as you can be about what you expect from him (e.g. take practical steps to tackle depression, sort out introduction to family!) ? and be as calm as you can be when you talk to him about it. It?s very hard, especially when you are feeling vulnerable yourself, but if you are emotional and teary, it will make it easy for him to dismiss you as making unreasonable demands on him.

My hunch is that he will throw a big tantrum and accuse you of being uncaring! so you may have to be prepared to be cast as the big bad witch for a while ? but remind yourself you?re doing it for yourself, for your baby, and for him. Even if he?s not in a position to see it.

Good luck, and I?m sorry you are in this situation, it must be very worrying and draining.

solo · 27/06/2010 12:15

There is nothing worse about being pregnant and 'with' someone but feeling totally alone.
I was single and pg with my Ds, but 'with someone' when I was pg with my Dd and I've never felt so alone in my life. His Mum knew about me, but it was about 7 months before he told his older, 'adult' daughter that I was pg. He told no one else except his boss because he booked his pat leave. It felt like emotional death within me. Numbness. Uncertainty and totally selfdestructive IME. Personally I wish I'd got rid of him from my life and enjoyed my pregnancy.
I am, once again on my own and bringing up my children, but I've never got over that hurt of feeling like a leper in his eyes and it didn't stop after Dd had arrived.
I wont/can't give you advice, but you are not on your own in the way you are feeling, but that knowledge wont make you feel any better.
I wish you well and that you can start to enjoy your pregnancy soon. It shouldn't be missed ~ not for anyone.

Jaffa1972 · 27/06/2010 19:20

Wow thanks girls, not used to the whole forum thing and was a it worried about doing the poor little me routine in public view but thats all very constructive and useful, really thanks again.

Weird thing is I'm RUBBISH at sticking up for myself but have been stronger now as almost fighting for someone else and their future, he's away mountain biking at the moment with his friends I told him I didn't want to see him before he went so not seen him for a week and that hopefully the air would clear his head and he knew where I was to talk when he got back.

We don't live together yet as he lost his business 4 months ago and is renting with a friend I am in a good job and although I'll only get the 6 weeks maternity money have a lot of friends and family so know I won't be totally alone if it all goes pear shaped.

He's been texting me saying its cleared his head and that its not me or the baby its the money situation and that he loves me but we've been here before.

Words are just words now and its time for me to see some action and for him to do the chasing and show me he means it, I'm perfectly capable doing this alone, he needs to value what he's got.....

Just hope I can stay this strong next week when it comes to it.

Thank you all once again xxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
NETTEYJC · 27/06/2010 20:49

You sound really level headed jaffa, keep thinking the way you are now and you will get through this, whether it's with him for without him.

He's says it's not you or the baby but it just worries me that he hasn't told his family about the both of you. When he comes back you really need to lay down the law with him - 1) you want him to get professional help for his depression and actually start taking something for it, 2) you want him to tell his family about you and the baby. - If he wont accept these ground rules then tell him to take a hike - he's not being fair on you or your baby. If he tries to put you on a guilt trip and says that you are not being undersanding then just remember - you have been understanding for the last 2 years, you have your baby to think about now - he needs to understand that! I think as soon as this is all sorted out then you will start enjoying your pregnancy - whether it be with or without him.

Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Jaffa1972 · 29/06/2010 15:34

Thanks again once more, first appointment tomm morning x

OP posts:
1TiredBunny · 29/06/2010 19:12

I cant really offer any help or advice on this situation I'm affraid...but I just felt I wanted to post to say I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It must be very hard for you.
Sending lots of hugs and positive vibes you to and I hope everything goes well for you in the end. Take Care.

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