Would you take your pre-schooler to doctor/midwife appointments?

[TantieTowie]

So, I'm now 7 weeks pregnant and am just making my first doctor's appointment. I'm not sure whether I can get away with taking my 3.5yo DS without him finding out before we tell him.

We don't want him to know just yet, just in case, but the earliest appointment I can get (by a week) is one I'd have to take him along to - and that's still not till next week.

What would you do?

yes, did not have a choice many of the times. but for keeping it quiet- no chance.
my 3year old knew from the time of the test.

They are sharp at 3.5, if you take him he will probably twig even if you think you're being subtle!

Obviously if you have no choice then you have no choice - unless there is a friend you could leave him with for half an hour while you go?

Ah. Might go for the later appointment then. Thank you both!

Just a thought - you might want to check with your surgery if you can get your MW booking in apptment booked in now. Otherwise if you don't see GP until 9 weeks and then have to make a MW apptmt that might be another couple of weeks, by which time you will be cutting it fine for for booking your 12/13 wk scan. Depending on what the surgery say you might be able to skip seeing GP at all and just go straight to MW.

Sorry if you knew all this already!

Congrats btw!

I took my 5yo with a toy, and got away with it. If he's distracted you can say to the doc, "He doesnt know yet. I'm here because I got a positive test, and I'm around 7 weeks."
You dont need to say words he'd understand. i.e. if he knows what pregnant means, then say something else. I said the word pregnant in front of my DS a few times, but he was none the wiser.

I took my 2.8yo DS to my first MW appointment. He did a massive poo just before I got called in, then refused to put his trousers/shoes back on, then spent the appointment hopping round the room asking if he could go back outside and play with the toys.

I've since booked all other appointments while he's at nursery

In your case OP, I'd make the later appt - as previous posters have said, the chances are he'll cotton on to what you're talking about pretty quickly!

I didn't make an appointment with this one, they didn't do anything or tell me anything when I went with my first so I just phoned the surgery and asked them to refer me to the midwife. My midwife came to my house for booking appointment and DS was asleep when she came. I think at 3 1/2 he will probably pick up what's being said to be honest, but how interested he'll be in it and whether he'll remember it only you will know!

Oi, I should be offended! You're all saying a 3.5 yo will pick up whats being said - but my 5yo had no clue!!

Genuinely, why would he know what you're talking about? Does he know about babies in tummies, does he ask about them? Does he really know the word pregnancy, or what "I'm 7 weeks" would mean, if he hadn't been given any prompting?

Yes, go for an appt without him whenever possible, it really is much easier. But I'm sure there are ways for anyone to speak to a gp without a 3.5yo knowing what you meant.

I think it would be perfectly possible to take a 3.5 year old to a GP at 7 weeks - stick them on a chair with a book and some chocolate buttons fruit, and it will be fine. It's not as if you have a bump, or that your GP will be listening for a heartbeat, and I'm sure you can be cryptic enough for a 3 year old not to understand.

Thanks for backing me up!!

No problem - I think I was also offended, given that my 3 year old definitely wouldn't have a clue

tbh my friend said her 4yo "guessed" she was pregnant - but is it so difficult to say, "Och, dont be silly!" to them till theyre ready to know?!

Going on the advice of Jacksmybaby I thought I probably should go a bit earlier after all. So I've skipped the GP visit altogether and am booking straight in with the midwives.

Thanks all!

MY DD guessed I was pregnat too (4) when I was 12 weeks. I didn't take her to the GP, in case of MC or bad news too difficult to explain and unnecessary. even 3.5 are aware of a lot of things. I wouldn't like them to witness any inernal examinations either.

No, internals are things a child shouldn't witness! My friend was only 6 weeks when her dd "guessed". 12 weeks is a lot different (and a safer time to let it out into the open). I agree though, any other of yr kids should only be told when you're absolutely ready for them to know.

I took my dd ( 4 1/2) and ds ( 2 1/2) to my midwife booking in appointment told the midwife they didn't know distratcted them with food and toys/magazine and they had no idea.Said if they let mummy talk to the lady then they could have a biscuit when we'd finished totally worked.
dd had no idea we were having a baby at all ( and shes quite switched on to listening to conversations)!
blood test person nearly blew it but didn't managed to get in there before dd figured out what was going on!

Sorry, a little bit of hijacking.. My 2 year old seems to have guessed. We've been using the word "pregnant" and I've been very sick and blaming the "pregnancy" but obviously thought he wouldn't have a clue. Then he started to ask if baby was in my tummy or Daddy's tummy(which is rather big). We've not really discouraged him and just sort of explained that some women have babies but not men(!). Today I actually gave him a straight answer and said baby is in mummy's tummy, not Daddy's. Is it really too early to tell a 24month old before the 20week scan?!

DS was 3.4 and miraculously played happily and was not interested in what I was doing at all. MW completely put her foot in it at the end of the app, but he still didn't really understand, he's a bright boy. It isn't the sort of thing that makes sense! We told him a few weeks later.

Anonmum2, how many weeks are you? It's not unreasonable to tell yr child at any time. Whenever you judge to be the right time is the right time. We told ds at 14 weeks, but hvg had 2 MCs before this one, I instantly worried about having told him in case it went wrong.

Only 8 weeks. I don't know but why I don't really believe in hiding things from them(or telling them that Father Christmas exists when I don't believe that myself. Bit out of the topic! ). So far I've been giving my son the gentle version of the truth of things that we encounter, therefore didn't even think twice about telling him the truth about the pregnancy.

Was just a bit worried when I saw this post and wondered if perhaps I've got it a bit wrong telling him so early on when everyone else obviously don't, like affecting him pyschologically or anything like that!

I took my 3 and 1/2 and 2 year old in Dec to booking in and told midwife that they didn't know and it was fine. Just didn't mention babies - easy at booking in. Also, ended up taking kids to Nuchal scan where I found out had had a missed miscarriage (had no choice, it was Jan when it snowed really bad and pre school closed) and kids still didn't cotton on. I think you make these things work if you have to.

Just had booking in scan for new pregnancy and DS who is just over 2 didn't have a clue. Toys and promise to feed ducks if he played nicely did the trick.

However, if I can EVER do anything without taking kids, I take that option - just so much easier and quicker!

anonMum we told DS (3.5) after the 13 week scan. I would definitely have told him before this (I agree with your philosophy on truth telling - although not about Santa! ) but the reason I didn't was because we knew he wouldn't be able to keep a secret and would announce it to everyone and anyone (which he duly did, when we did tell him!).

Anonmum2, it's not so much about "hiding " it, it's about protecting them in case sthg goes wrong. I've gad 2 MCs and I am beyond happy that we hadnt told my ds about eutger pregnancy - he's already terrified/obsessed with dying, so the last thing I want him to know at 5yrs old is that it sometimes it happens to babies too.

Just to but in to add my 2p although wetold ds atabout 14 weeks, we are keeping the discussions very low key. I would have left it later if I could, but other people talking about it stopped that. Our reason being that pregnancy issuch a lone time - evern after 20 weeks,another 20 weeks is a lifetime for a todler to await something happening.