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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Aged 43 - 2 MC's in 4 months - try again or stop now??

35 replies

hippychick66 · 23/06/2010 14:45

Hi,

I'm 43 (actually fast approaching 44) with 2 DS's aged 7 & 10. Both those pregnancies were fine.

Had a MMC in February this year (discovered at 11.5 weeks that baby had only made it to 8 weeks)and got pregnant again 3 months later.

This pregnancy also isn't working out. I'm bleeding and hormone levels are dropping. They could only see a very small sac at just over 6 weeks so it looks like this one probably never really got started.

Is mother nature trying to tell me that my eggs are all crap now and I should just stop or is it just bad luck?

I know the risks are greater at my age and I simply don't know whether to try once more (especially as i don't seem to have much trouble actually getting preg).

Anyone else been in this position? What did you do? What do you think?

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randomimposter · 23/06/2010 15:03

try again my lovely - the magic is in the 3s x

hippychick66 · 23/06/2010 15:09

jolly - you're biased!!!! You just want me to be a bump buddy as well as a beach buddy.

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randomimposter · 23/06/2010 15:12

you got me sweetheart

thefatladyscreams · 23/06/2010 15:22

Oh hippy - so sorry to hear your news.

I'm with jollster (not biased at all!)

When I miscarried last year, the consultant at the EPU estimated that the m/c risk went up to 50% when you hit 42.

But that's a 50% chance of success.

Loving the idea of you and Jollser being up the duff at the same time (I could swing by with teasing glasses of cold savingnon!)

More seriously - I read somewhere (think it was on the trying after mc thread) that you should keep trying for as long as your desire for another child was stronger than your sense of loss.

Big hugs to you.

lilllysa · 23/06/2010 15:29

thinking back in 10 years what would hurt more - to have had another 1 maybe 2 MMC's? or the thought that you gave up on it?

essenceofSES · 23/06/2010 15:33

In 2008 (when I was 35) I had a mmc in the Feb, another mmc in June and then found out I was pg again at the end of August. The third pregnancy was wonderful and DS is gorgeous.
I'd keep trying as I think otherwise you'll always wonder "what if?"

Good luck!

hippychick66 · 23/06/2010 15:41

lillysa That is a good way of thinking about it - I know if I stop there will always be the thought that the next one would have been ok.

But I am fearful that the more MC's you have the more you feel you've invested and then you feel like you hve to keep going just to make some sense of it all. IYSWIM And then when do you throw in the towel.

This MC has had much less of an impact on my life than my very sad MMC in feb - mainly cos I had not had time to become excited (or allowed myself to invest too much in it) and the main difference being that our 2 boys didn't know this time.

Having said that maybe i could go through this again - I must add that i haven't actually lost this one yet - it's all very stop start with the cramps and bleeding so i don't know how much worse the pain is gonna get or indeed if I'm gonna have to have another eprc when I get re-scanned on Monday.

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japhrimel · 23/06/2010 15:59

How is your health generally? Is there anything you and your partner can do to improve your chances with a next time? E.g. take supplements, eat healthily, him wear looser clothing.

Having a MC can really take it out of your body so if you decide to not stop trying, it might be worth considering waiting a few months and making the most of them by getting as healthy as possible to give yourself the best chance.

hippychick66 · 23/06/2010 16:43

My health is pretty good generally. I could do with losing a bit of weight and did mean to do so before I got preg this time.(so really must do it now)

hippy put down that chocolate mini roll.

My Dh seems to hve pretty good sperm cos every time we have wanted to be preg we've done it pretty easily. quickest 2nd month we tried - longest 5th month we tried.

I understabnd what you're saying about taking time to recover but there is this stonking great clock ticking inside my flippin' head.

I got my blood test results just now and on Monday the hgh level was 210 which is conclusive with 10 days after fertilzation. So it looks like the egg and sperm met and implanted but then stopped pretty much straight after that.

Then my body hung on to it for a while. So hopefully it shouldn't be much worse than a late period and thus it shouldn't take my body long to recover.

OMG I can feel myself leaning towards trying again!

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oldmum42 · 23/06/2010 17:29

You're playing an odds game, it's about 50/50 each time, yes your eggs are getting old and smell of sulphur , I feel I can say that, having been in the same boat! But know what??? The next egg could be the "golden one"

It's all down to what you think - can you cope with a few more early losses? Can you get your self into the frame of mind where you think that a positive test just means a "chance" rather than a baby? I really had to do this, my first m/c at age 40 1/2 (MMC at 12 weeks, baby died a few days before at 11+4) was so devastating, but decided to carry on, became progresively more pesimistic with each positive test, to protect my own sanity, but also tried to take the positive from each pregnancy - that I was at age 40, 41, 42, able to get pregnant, easily (about every 3rd cycle). had 4 m/c that the hospital were involved with (12wk,9wk, 2 at 6wk), plus a few (awful to say I can't remember how many, "chemical" pregs at between 4 1/2 and 6 weeks) which I just dealt with at home. It got so I hated the EPAC staff and with my current pregnancy (now 22 weeks!!!!! I will be almost 43 when he's born), they were very, very negative (initial slow heart rate at 7 week scan) and they actually told me to stop trying!!!! Really felt like saying "fuck off, it's my body!"

So I ramble, but I guess what I'm saying is, try if you want to, be prepared for the worst but you know, you could do it , maybe even this time, though I know you think not much hope and things have already gone wrong, but you never know.

On a practical note, have you had any consultant advice regarding increasing your chances? after 9wk mc (which had trisomy14, very rare and lethel), saw consultant who said, non disjunction causes most mc in older women, and he thought that was the likely cause of all my mc (the chromosomes dont seperate properly,and you get various trisomys such as 21, 18, extra x or y), and most of these are fatal in the early weeks, but there is something you can do to reduce the chances of non-disjunction.
I was put on 5mg per day of folic acid (a very large dose, about 10times the usual daily intake), as this has been shown to reduce the number abnormal embryos.
Also I was put on mini asprin (75mg per day), to be taken as soon as you get a positive test, all through pregnancy as he said clotting and immune issues you develope as you get older can stop the pregnancy implanting properly, leading to m/c or an increased risk of growth restriction/pre-eclampsia.

Maybe you should ask about those? It may make the difference.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

vmcd28 · 23/06/2010 17:33

Only you can answer that. I had 2 MCs in a row, one in Sept, then one in Dec. (i'm nearly 37, BTW).
I knew I was NOT ready to give up trying yet. My DH was verging on giving up, more to protect me, I think.

I'm 18 weeks today.
Lots of luck.

rainbowdays · 23/06/2010 18:05

Hippy - it is stories like the ones here from oldmum42 and vmcd28 that have helped me to continue. Reading oldmum's post here was like reading my own mind.... (spooky!). I have fairly much come to be able to ignore the early miscarriages (less than 6 weeks), I have become totally distrustful of EPU staff and tests. I am now as you know in the waiting time again now, and this time, I have not really given myself the luxury to think much baby thoughts. I am taking one day at a time and keep hoping. It has to be your decision as to what you can deal with, and listen to your dh's opinion on whether you will cope or not or how long you might consider leaving before trying again. From your posts here on mn, you seem very strong,and I think that the desire to try again will win out with you.

oldmum - thank you for posting your story, it has been really really really encouraging for me. I am 42 and had several m/c in the last 2 years, and currently 5 weeks preg yet again. It was great to read someone else having success after recurrent m/c. Thank you.

rainbowdays · 23/06/2010 18:09

hippy - by the way have you noticed there is noone here telling you to stop

legallyblond · 23/06/2010 18:42

So sorry Hippy, but I say try again. My aunt had 5 mcs and then a lovely baby girl when she was 42 (mcs between 41 and 42). Second though that you need to ask your DH if he can cope with more trying...

Northernlurker · 23/06/2010 18:48

Not in your position but I think you should try again if you are both happy to do so. If you MC again then I think you need to rethink at that point.

vmcd28 · 23/06/2010 18:56

an additional point, when I had my 2 MCs, I had blood tests etc, which were all clear, but that didnt actually reassure me much.

The midwife who chatted to me when the bloods were taken said that, at the EPU, they do see quite a lot of people who have had 2 MCs, but it's rare that they see people with 3 or more. Of course it does happen, but that statistic is what helped me a lot.

hippychick66 · 23/06/2010 22:33

Wow lots of positive stuff.

northerlurker when you say not in your position do you mean not to try again or not to stop now??

Thanks oldermum42 and vmcd28 for your own stories and legallyblonde for your encouragement.

I was so devastated when I had my mmc at 11.5 weeks and I thought i'd never be able to go through another loss BUT I must admit that this one is easier.

I got my blood results from Monday and the levels were very low (about the same as when you first get pregnant). I think probably after the egg and sperm got together and implanted it all pretty much stopped but it just took my body a while to catch on.

So in a way this has been just like a heavy period but with extra disappointment thrown in .

I know that if I got preg again, I would not get to 11.5 weeks without seeing something on a scan - good or bad cos now I have a history of MC they will scan me earlier.

I think you make a good point rainbow that you now see a BFP as a possible baby not a forgone conclusion. And as soon as I started spotting at 6 weeks with this pregnancy I think I began distancing myself from it.

I don't think I will every be able to go for it as many times as you have rainbow - when I first read your story i was gobsmacked at your determination and strength .

My Dh says he is happy to try again if i am and says he can see that this has not knocked me the way the MMC did.

But OMG 50/50 sounds scary - it's like tossing a bloody coin.

Sorry i am totally rambling now.

I'm drinking a pear cider (a little treat now I know this is defo not a viable pregnancy) - and I think it's gone to my head.

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hippychick66 · 23/06/2010 22:40

oldmum42 thanks for the advise about extra folic acid and asprin. Will chat to my GP about it at my follow up appointment on Tues.

Can i ask you - did you have your FSH levels checked or is that more to do with your chances of getting preg rather than your chances of MC?

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Northernlurker · 24/06/2010 08:31

So sorry - I meant I've not been in your position but if I was this is what I'd do type thing....

hippychick66 · 24/06/2010 12:18

Went to get my second lot of bloods done today. Passed something very sac like at 5am this morning - but can't be sure - sorry TMI!

On the one hand I do want to try once more - but can't see me going through it numerous times.

But I sat waiting to have bloods done with my little bit of paper saying miscarriage ???? and thought, "Flippin' heck I could be back in this position really soon - what is the point of it all???"

Just feeling a bit negative today but I do also agree that in 10 years time I would probably wish i'd tried again.

northernlurker I see what you mean now. I agree, would defo have to re-think if lost another.

Thanks ladies for your advise and rainbow and oldermum may your deidaction pay off.

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oldmum42 · 24/06/2010 14:38

Hippychick,

Never had my FSH levels checked by hosp/gp, but did home test (I was a pee-on-a-stick addict) at 40 and at 41, they cost about £4 on the site I was buying preg test strips and ovulation strips from (access diagnostics I think it was called, cheap and good), and these tests give you an indication, but not a number, useful though, I thought.
also, Rainbow days,
You may be interested in the following....

Interesting that I got a better result at 41 than 40 years old, after having been on herbal supplements that are supposed to regulate your periods/hormone levels. I read about them on websites for women with polycystic overy syndrome,who often use these to regulate thier cycles when TTC, and some scientific papers about the surprise increase in conceptions amongst perimenopasal women taking these supplements to regulate menopause symptoms!
There are various herbal combinations, but the usual seems to be 4or 5 days of "soya isoflavens" taken at the start of the cycle (from day 3, 4 or 5 of the cycle for 4 or 5 days, but no longer), then "Agnus Castus" from ovulation to the end of the cycle (but don't suddenly stop taking it if you get pregnant, reduce the dose and the spacing of the doses and stop gradually). You need A LOT of the Isoflavens, I was taken 10 tablet a day for 4 days, and then 2 of the Agnus Castus from mid cycle. I didn't bookmark my research, but google PCOS herbal supplements and similar terms and it will all pop up if you want to know more!
IMO, us geriatics need all the little bits of help we can get!

HIPPYCHICK, so sorry to read your latest post, been there, done that, it's awful I know, no matter that we try to shut ourselves off from it. Rest up for a few days if you can, recover and proccess what has happened - you will know then what your next move is.
Best wishes

oldmum42 · 24/06/2010 14:46

RAINBOW, just reread your post and this time actually read the last line...... congrats on being 5 weeks preg, best wishes for this one.

hippychick66 · 24/06/2010 21:34

Can i ask those of you who had success after 2 or more losses. Did you do the whole baby asprin thing??

So many people keep saying it makes all the difference but I never needed it with my 2 healthy pregs 10 and 7 years ago and surely it only works if you have that sticky blood thing?????

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welshandproud · 24/06/2010 21:49

I think you are prepared to try again and i dont blame you. admittedly your eggs are getting a little 'older' but not every egg is identical. The next time you conceive may be a totally different story. I've had 3 babies since i turned 40 and the odds were well and truely stacked against me. Your heart will tell you when to stop.
Best of luck

hippychick66 · 24/06/2010 21:54

Wow 3 since you turned 40 - that's impressive.

That is very encouraging.

I do feel that my heart doesn't want this to be the end.

Thanks

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