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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

anyone else think its a shame that....

23 replies

asteri · 22/06/2010 10:53

men don't get paid time off work to do ante natal appointments like women do? MY husband wants to come with me to all my scans/appointments but he will have to take the time as holidays, so when the baby is born he was hoping to take his two week paternity leave and then two weeks holiday but it looks like he wont have enough left now.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

compo · 22/06/2010 10:55

I'm sorry bt for small businesses and in this ecomomic climate I think it's unrealisti
My dh took time in lieu for scans but not to watch my get my blood pressure checked

compo · 22/06/2010 10:55

congrats by the way

ApuskiDusky · 22/06/2010 10:59

I think it's nice if the partner can be there for the scans, but am not bothered for the rest of the appointments - mostly they are just urine and blood pressure checks.

Antenatal classes are good to do with your partner, but they are usually evenings or at the weekend so are less likely to clash with work.

I'd definitely save the holiday for after the baby is here.

withorwithoutyou · 22/06/2010 11:01

Have you had any antenatal appts yet? There is really nothing special about them. Scans, yes, but a-n appts are pretty tedious.

Original poster

asteri · 22/06/2010 11:03

withorwithoutyou , nope got my first "booking in" appointmnet on the 6th July. I suppose if they are mostly going to be tests etc then he wont need to be there for all of them (sorry feel a bit dense now as new to all this....)

OP posts:

ApuskiDusky · 22/06/2010 11:07

Don't feel dense, no one knows this stuff until they need to!

He might want to be there for the booking in if there is anything in his or his family's medical history, they need to go through all of that then. And then if he's anything like my DH, he'll have to call his mum because he doesn't know...

withorwithoutyou · 22/06/2010 11:10

No, no need to feel dense. He might like going to some of the later appts when they can listen to the heartbeat but the earlier ones are too early to hear the heartbeat.

I would have hated to have DH at my appts but that's because I find it embarassing enough handing over a little pot of pee to the m/w without having an audience there!

Pootles2010 · 22/06/2010 11:14

Its nice to have them there for one of the later ones to hear the heartbeat, but you may not want him there when you're discussing your constipation/piles/vulval varicose veins.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/06/2010 11:17

I would get him to come to the booking in one, and then for any scans. Other than that you really don't need him there and he won't be missing anything. I think DH came to one other midwife appointment with me because he was working at home and wasn't busy, but apart from that I went on my own.

Definitely save the holiday for after the baby is here, you would regret using it all up for appointments once the baby is here if you did!

CardiCorgi · 22/06/2010 12:29

Mine has come for the scans and at the first one asked all of the questions that I had forgotten. Apart from that, there isn't any need to him to hold my hand while having blood pressure etc. done, even if he does like the chocolate in the doctor's waiting room.
Regarding time off for appointments, I try to make them at the end of the working day so that I don't have to take all of the time out of work, after all it's not my employer's baby, it's mine.
Do you have any influence over what time your appointments are? I'm not in the UK and realise that the system is different in each country.

AnnaBafana · 22/06/2010 12:31

My DH took time off for the scans. It was only a half day each time, so one day in all - not much, really.

piprabbit · 22/06/2010 12:36

I'd try and get your DH to save his holiday for after the baby is born. It could also come in handy if there are any problems closer to the birth.
I spent a week in hospital and then needed to visit the maternity assessment unit every other day for the last few weeks of my pregnancy - and I needed someone to drive me to and fro, especially as I never knew if they were going to keep me in and induce me. DH used a lot of holiday/compassionate leave/kind manager time off to be with me as much as I needed him during a very stressful time.

5DollarShake · 22/06/2010 12:36

My DH only came to the scans, of which we had 3, I think (no more anticipated now unless there's a problem).

The mother needs to be at the other ante-natal appointments, since it's her and her baby's health that's being checked, but the father doesn't need to be there, which is why they don't get time off for them.

As everyone else has said, the routine MW appointments are very mundane.

canoe · 22/06/2010 14:02

I'm not sure whether my DP will be able to come for the scans etc, he probably will as he works quite close to the hospital, but i definitely want him to come to my blood test in a couple of weeks as i'm so rubbish with them that i'll probably faint, and don;t fancy driving home afterwards!

Can he not take the time off, but work extra the rest of the week to make up the time? Depends how relaxed his work are about that stuff though...

nymphadora · 22/06/2010 14:28

My MW wanted dh there for the booking one as there was genetic history to take. He couldn't be there as he can't take A/L so wasn't. He managed to wangle time for 2 of the 3 scans so far. first one was an emergency and I couldn't get hold of him as he was in the hosp with his phone off & by the time he returned my call I was in the hosp (about 2 corridors away!)

tiredfeet · 22/06/2010 14:30

DH works for himself, and is based just five minutes from the surgery in our village (where the midwife runs a clinic), so he has come along to all my appointments so far (I'm 24 weeks). It is nice having him there, and he likes coming so he feels invovled. Its also been really helpful when I've had blood tests as I'm pretty wimpy about having them. I don't think its essential that men come, but I do think it has helped DH feel involved and he likes hearing the heartbeat . I didn't put him under any pressure to come, but it seems to be something he really wants to do and the midwife is very happy to have him there too

That said, I understand there's no medical need for him to be there, so if he was employed I wouldn't expect the employer to let him have the time off really.

beanlet · 22/06/2010 15:25

Booking in and scans only -- all the rest are really boring!

Poledra · 22/06/2010 15:35

Dh didn't do my booking-in appts, only came for scans. And didn't come for all the scans with DD3, neglected third child that she is

In all fairness, I was having scans every 4 weeks with her, and he just couldn't keep taking time away from work (even though he works in the hospital......)

emmyloo2 · 22/06/2010 16:39

I have had my husband come to my scans but not bothered with my mw appointments. I consider them the same as regular doctor's appointments and I wouldn't particular want him there for those either. It's just blood pressure checks and urine samples and that's nothing anyone else other than me need to be a party to.

rimsky · 22/06/2010 17:22

I think I might be doing things slightly differently from everyone on this thread!

Did the booking appointment on my own, and I got the impression the midwife wanted it that was so she could assess my home situation and ask personal questions.

But every scan and other midwife appointment my partner has attended. I do find it useful having him there as he remembers all the things I'm supposed to ask. And he was so over the moon to hear the baby's heartbeat at 17 week appointment that I wouldn't have wanted to deprive him of that!

belgo · 22/06/2010 17:23

No I don't think the fathers should be entitled to any more time off work. Businesses have to survive somehow.

Funkycherry · 22/06/2010 18:32

Don't feel dense. My OH came to my booking appointment and a couple of other appointments. It was pointless him being there, but it made him feel more involved
He did have to make the time up though.

It is a shame they don't get the time off, but as belgo says, businesses have to survive somehow.
Unfortunately people would just abuse it. I know of people at work that have taken paternity leave even though they're not with the mother anymore.

MumNWLondon · 22/06/2010 19:08

My DH came to the booking in appointment for our first DC, and realised it was a waste of his time. He came to almost all the scans and I always tried to rearrange to make them at 9am so he could get to work late and then stay a bit late that evening to make the time up.

Many employers will give time off for men for an antenatal appointment where there is a problem.

re: the heartbeat, we bought a doppler for home use to DH could listen in.

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