newly pregnant and terrified

[judyjiggles]

Hi there

I have never been on a forum or anything like this. I wanted to give this a go though.

I have just found out (one week ago) that I am pregnant. It is very very early days and I am 36 so I know that lots could happen and its not a certainty that this pregnancy will actually happen.

Me and my partner have been trying to get pregnant for about six months and we are also moving house at the moment. When I found out I was pregnant I completely freaked out - which is weird because I have thought this is what I wanted.

My partner doesn't really know how to cope with me like this (I am not surprised and if he was freaking out like I am I think I would be a complete state about it). I keep getting quite panicky and tearful - I had to leave work in the middle of the day on Thursday because I was literally hyper-ventilating at my desk.

Me and my partner had a huge row yesterday over pretty much nothing and I am so frightened that we are not strong enough to do this. I feel like we've been queueing up to get on a really exciting ride for ages but now we're on it I just want to get off . I love my partner very very much and I know he loves me but I think we're both pretty fragile and both suffer from a history of depression. I just don't know if we are going to be string enough as a couple to do this. Help!!!

Hello and welcome to MN

I'll keep it brief with a one-word answer for you: HORMONES

Seriously, you'll be fine... even if you don't feel that way all the time (or hardly ever!)

Take it 1 day at a time. It's early days, give yourself a chance to get your head round the idea

And congratulations

congrats on your pregnancy. i think it's perfectly normal to feel like this. when i got pregnant with ds1 i started to have panic attacks etc and feeling really weird. we were getting married and altohugh we were half trying it was such a shock as we kind of thought it would happen after the wedding. anyway before i knew i was pregnant i thought my moods were about getting married so i started seeing a therapist to help me out esp with my breathing as i was having panic attacks. then i found out that i was pregnant and i felt better.

it will just be your hormones going mental and coming to terms with the big change that is about to happen. it should subside after a few weeks. try not to worry too much (easier said than done i know) and just try and enjoy it!

I agree completely -pregnancy can be like PMT x 100 and is a shock as non of the baby books make much of it. I remember screaming and howling at DP as we hadn't got a chest of drawers to put the baby's clothes in

Hi judy. I don't know what to say really except... You can do this!!!

I'm assuming that it's your first pregancy? I can totally understand how you are feeling. Pregnancy is terrifying.

I just found out that I am pregnant too (are you due Feb like me?) and I am terrified that something might go wrong. This is my 3rd pregancy. I have one DD who is 3 and I had a MC 4 years ago. I'm also scared of the fact that I will have two children which seems like a big step up from one!

Congratulations btw! You will get through it!

Totally and utterly bloody normal!

I'm 36 and it took me a year to get a "sticky" - I'm 36 weeks now and have just changed my mind again.

I used to burst in to tears every time I saw a photo of a "life size" baby, I howled when we got the pram. Pram = big, vagina = small.

Of course I wanted this baby - doesn't stop me shitting myself!

You'll change your mind 1000 times over the next few months.

Yup, yup - just take a deep breath... It's totally normal for you to be feeling like this like the other ladies have said.
Hormones are a horrible thing, and they will take you on a hellava ride during pregnancy - but it's going to be ok.
I have a big long history of depression too and i've had to be mindful of that during my pregnancy. I think if you are kind to yourself, keep mindful that you have a tendency to feel overwhelmed and keep talking to your partner (talk to each other!) you will be absolutley fine.
Try to remember the reasons why you wanted to get pregnant in the first place too - and warmest congratulations!
Also - there are always lots of us here ready to talk and listen and i have personally found MN and amazing support network throughout my pregnancy.

Congrats judyjiggles and try not to beat yourself up.

Definitely a very natural and very understandable response - me and DH got married last June and we had talked about it and knew we both wanted to have kids and we'd probably like it if I could get pregnant about a year after we got married. I have PCOS and I knew it might be difficult so we didn't really think too much about it

Then in December I found out I was preg and we were both excited but terrified!! DH has a decent job but his contract comes up for renewal next March and I'm out of work from January on so we're not particularly financially secure and money worries plus terrible hyperemesis for about 10 weeks made us quivering wrecks.

Then the second trimester rolled around and all of a sudden I felt better, weather got a bit sunnier, we started getting the house in better shape etc and all the freak out sort of melted away a bit. In the final countdown now - 8/9 weeks to go - and really looking forward to it.

So there's nothing to suggest that being panicked, worried or stressed at any point throughout your pregnancy means that you'll feel like that the whole way through or that you won't be a good mum when the baby arrives. Don't be hard on yourself, blame the hormones, put your feet up and just ride the pregnancy panic out until you start to feel a bit more positive about things

Hello

This is my first pregnancy and i was exactly the same. I wanted it and then wow, I got what I wanted and I didn't want it anymore.

Or so I thought. I had horrible anxiety, couldn't really feel excited and felt really guilty about my feelings because my partner was excited.

That was nearly 4 months ago. I still have moments of total panic and fear that I'm doing the wrong thing but it's such a life changing thing that it can't not be like that. The difference is now I'm so happy about it! I'm excited and more in control; the swing and roundabouts of the hormones seem to have settled and life is going on as normal

Ambivalence isn't just normal it's really healthy. I don't believe anyone for whom the whole having a baby process is straightforward and without any ambivalence.

Good luck and don't worry. It does get easier.

x

Well said LittleMissSnowShine.

Hello! Totally normal don't worry!! Hormones will make you feel wobbly!

There is a thread set up for ladies who are expecting in Feb 2011 to support each other and get advice! Come and join us!!

here

There is a reason that pregnancy takes 9 months. Part of that is to bake the baby, but it's also to allow enough time for the parents to get their heads around the whole idea.

Seriously - as everyone else has said, what you're experiencing, even as someone how as actively trying to get pregnant, is totally normal.

Oh yes, just wanted to add my voice. This is completely normal. I am 39 weeks with our first, and we wanted this baby and were trying for this baby, and yes I have changed my mind 100 times. I remember at about 20 weeks I was walking up the road crying my eyes out thinking 'I just want to run away, but no matter where I run the baby has to come too'. I was totally shell shocked when I found out i was pg.

Being pg is not that easy, and it IS stressful. Everyone else will seem more excited than you too, because you will have all the secret fears and worries. But it is totally totally normal. For me, what has helped is doing natal hypno cds.... just because it seems to have relaxed me no end.

Oh, and the last time I had a major panic attack was Friday. We live in a fairly remote area, so alot of our shopping for the baby has been online. i started crying thinking 'what does it mean' that we have not driven for hours to go shopping 'properly' does it mean we don't want the baby?

MN has been a lifesaver for me, because I can vent on here and 'talk' to others safely and anonymously.

Oh, and congratulations.

If you take into account hormones and that getting pregnant is actually really scary, I think it's totally normal. When you're trying, especially if it takes a while, you're so focused on getting that positive, like that's the winning goal. But actually, pregnancy is scary, uncomfortable and bloody hard work.

Hello

God this thing is amazing! Thank you for your messages it's so nice to know there are so many of you out there and that apparently i'm not going completely mental!

Gina FB thanks I will definately look at the threads for people expecting in February 2011.

I was just the same as you - at 37 having tried for a few months, went into total shock. Completely anxious, miserable and pessimistic, thought it would never last. It's hard to dig deep for the delight that you know must be there somewhere. BUT good news, you will turn a corner at some point and feel much better, less anxious, happier etc. Sorry to say you have to go through a bit of hell first. But remember you're not alone, it's completely normal and it does get easier.

Good luck and congratulations!