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Slating from ex - feel bad now.

12 replies

Ryuk · 17/06/2010 20:21

Hi, I'm new by the way. Not sure if I should have introduced myself initially, have just been commenting on random threads... hope nobody minds.

Anyway, I'm about 10 weeks pregnant. Haven't had my scan yet so aren't sure exactly. The baby was planned, and was very much considered and discussed with my partner before we committed to me going off the pill. We both have jobs that are low-income but sufficient to get by on, and have a lot of support from friends and family. I'm 23.

I'm on fairly good terms with my ex, and he got in contact recently about the pregnancy. Initially it was just a comment (he said he hoped it was planned), but I've just had an online conversation with him that got rather long and unpleasant. He kept saying that I'm too young, my position is 'fragile' because my relationship will have a high risk of breaking up (we've been together for a year, I know that's short by some standards but it feels like long enough to make a commitment based on), and 'single mothers are a turnoff' so I'll not be able to find another relationship.

He also said I should have 'gotten onto the career ladder' first as it's easier to get a career, then have children and then go back into work than to start a career already a parent (no idea how he worked that one out). So apparently my partner will leave me, I'll want sole custody (I did say that if we did break up, we'd share childcare, but he didn't believe me), and then will be a single mum on benefits and will be poor and miserable for the rest of my life. Apparently. Also he said he's not trying to argue that I shouldn't have the baby, he's just 'concerned'. (Also said that 'most people' wait until they're older and have a career and more relationship years behind them, and that 'most people' would see me as a cause for concern rather than congratulations.)

I know he sounds like a really bitter ex, and I should ignore him. I'm just disappointed because I thought we'd patched things up, and I'm not sure why he's being so full of doom. And it's made me feel awful even though I know it shouldn't.

Help?

OP posts:

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debka · 17/06/2010 20:24

What's it got to do with him? He's your ex!!

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yama · 17/06/2010 20:26

Don't discuss your current relationship with your ex. Not fair on your current partner.

Next time he brings it up, tell him that you are uncomfortable discussing such matters with him.

I'm guessing you split up for a reason. Don't let him get to you.

Congratulations by the way.

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MumNWLondon · 17/06/2010 20:29

Well are you confident that he's wrong - are you committed to your DP forever? If you are then as debka says its got nothing to do with him.

I guess I'm the opposite of you, DH and I got married at 22, and then focussed on progressing our careers for 5 years as we wanted to be comfortable before we had kids, but if its the right time for you then why not.

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clairejs · 17/06/2010 20:30

In my opinion, he's an ex for a reason. you shouldn't worry what anyone thinks about your situation. If you want to go ahead and have a family, then good for you! you're doing what you want to do. I too in a similar situation, with partner for a year and I fell pregnant and I'm only 25 only a year out of university. Yes, there were concerns from friends and from family, but only concerns. Now they can see how happy my DP and I are.

He does sound like a bitter ex and he doesnt like the fact that you're moving on with your life which involves a greater amount of commitment (becoming parents together). Hold your head high, and walk away from this man. xx

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2ndDestiny · 17/06/2010 20:31

COngrats on your pregnancy.

Sorry your ex has made you feel bad. Glad you are sensible enough to know that you MUSTN'T let it get to you.

He doesn't sound 'concerned' to me, he sounds bitter and spiteful. Can't you just steer clear of him / cut contact? Why count such a person among your friends? He's not being a friend to you.

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iamfabregasted · 17/06/2010 20:32

As some one told me on here Ex stands for extremely annoying!

Tell him to feck off.

Applying his logic, I'm years and years older than you, I'm 40, I have 4 kids, I live in a rented house, on benefits.

So, no one could possibly be interested in me, right???

Wrong and wrong and wrong again - I have a lovely new bloke, who seems pretty keeen !!! your ex is a knob and is out of order to comment.

Next time he starts chat like that, just tell him its none of his business.

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JazzieJeff · 17/06/2010 20:34

Why did you want have an online conversation with your ex? I gather he's an ex for a reason!

He sounds like a total prick. Probably jealous that you've moved on so well and are settling down and having a family. Age doesn't factor into it. I'm 22, DH is 23. We've been together 2.5 years and we have jobs that pay the bills. So clearly, we're not 'most people' either.

And sorry, but why do people think it's alright to create this huge stigma of 'single Mum on benefits'?! I know quite a few ladies who'd be massively offended by that. Anyway, it sounds like you're pretty switched on and that you'll make your family work for you.

Delete him off your Facebook, block his number from your phone, erase his email address from your email account. What a loser! Laugh at what a jackass he is with your new, lovely DP.

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Ryuk · 17/06/2010 20:41

Thanks guys. I was just really surprised at his reaction - wasn't expecting overjoyment, but then it was him who approached me, not the other way around, so it's not like I'm waving it in his face or anything. And he seemed so spiteful. :S

knockraven, thank you. I think part of the problem is he had quite snobby parents, and seems to assume everyone is as prejudiced as he is. I know even if my relationship doesn't work out, I'll not be doomed, and even being a single parent doesn't scare me that much.

But as is, we very much expect our relationship to work out, and are very happy about the baby, who is very much wanted. Am just going to ignore him now. It's helpful having other people tell me I'm not doing the wrong thing though, silly as that sounds. My pride and self-assurance do have their limits! xx

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varicoseveined · 17/06/2010 20:42

I agree with everyone else. It's NONE of his business, and it sounds like more than sour grapes. Avoid him and enjoy your pregnancy!

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iamfabregasted · 17/06/2010 20:56

Ryuk - whatever happens the sun will still rise the next morning, I can assure you lol

Ignore him, and delete him as much as you can from your life, off Faceslap, block his number on your mobile etc etc

And I'll tell you this much, I was married for almost 20 years and life as a single parent is definitely better than being married to my Ex was

And, dunno if you have seen some of my threads, but I have a new man (who better get his arse down here pronto coz he's late) and he couldn't give a flying fart that I'm a single parent on benefits.