I'm 35 weeks and 2 days pregnant with my second and i'm feeling totally overwhelmed. I think I just need a good kick up the backside as I'm sitting here feeling very sorry for myself. It doesn't help that I have an absolutely stinking cold and zero energy. I'm also watching what I eat like a hawk due to GD so no big fat slices of cake to cheer me up!
Basically, I think i'm finding it really hard because I can be a bit of a control freak and at 35 weeks pg there isn't a whole lot I can do. I'm trying to take it very easy because my son was born at 35 weeks 6 days and I'm really hoping to make it to 37 weeks this time so I can deliver at the lovely birthing centre and not the big scary hospital. At the same time, I'm being driven crazy by the fact that my house is a mess and fighting the urge to tidy up because I know it's just going to exhaust me and make my sciatica and SPD worse!
Also, my previously adorable 2.9 year old has decided to transform into an incredibly strong willed tyrant and I'm struggling to remain calm and end up getting cross with him which makes me feel like possibly the world's worst mother. He's also been a complete mummy's boy since he was born and has recently started to favour his dad which is great for their relationship but is making me feel a bit hormonal and rejected. I really want to make the most of the time that we have left with him on his own but some days I just end up feeling exhausted and wondering what I'm doing wrong.
I still have a week left at work although I'm off sick today due to the cold. I am torn between frantically trying to get everything all neatly finished up before I leave and wanting to call them and tell them I don't think I can work my last week (the commute is getting to me).
I'm also feeling guilty about the fact that I've been a big grump and my wonderful DH has been very helpful and supportive. I feel like he must be so sick of me complaining about all my various woes, not to mention the fact that we've had no sex life for weeks.
I'm also constantly paranoid that I'm about to go into labour - it doesn't help that with my DS it happened totally without warning so every time I get a twinge I'm obsessed it's all about to kick off.
Please, someone just tell me to get a grip, that it's all going to be fine! I know that the number one rule of small children and babies is that you can't control everything, including when they arrive so I should just count my blessings and stop complaining. It's just hard sometimes when you feel like a giant whale to be positive and upbeat.