Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Really need some sound advice

14 replies

RoxyLady · 08/06/2010 16:13

My partner and I decided about 2 months ago that we wanted to start a family. I stopped taking my pill.
I am contracting at the moment and I dont have a perm job. We decided I should go back on the pill as I am looking for a perm job and thought we would wait until I qualify for the maternity pay.
However, the two week window where I wasnt taking my pill I have fallen pregnant.
I havent told my boyf yet because I am worried about what he will say. His father is currently ill with terminal cancer and I dont want to stress him out more by telling him I am pregnant.
I wont be able to start my new job and if I do start it I wont be SMP.
I will have to stay where I am now.... as I have been here over a year.
What should I do>
As horrid as this might sound I have contemplated getting an abortion without him knowing so he doesnt have to deal with the stress of it.
What shoud I do?

OP posts:
mrspear · 08/06/2010 16:18

NO SMP but you may get maternity allowance which is the same in money terms

And i wouldn't get an abortion without telling him

I know it is difficult but you need not be alone

Good luck

Original poster
RoxyLady · 08/06/2010 16:19

How will I get a maternity allowance?

OP posts:
Alicetheinvisible · 08/06/2010 16:22

I started a new job at 9weeks pg and still got MA, about £130 a week i think as i had been in work for the required amount of time (although in a different job) the government provides it instead of your employer (i think)

thislittlesisterlola · 08/06/2010 16:25

I agree with mrspear
Check out direct gov for maternity allowance (I'd just plug it into google) and what you will be entitled to. Good luck

gingertoo · 08/06/2010 16:26

Please, please don't terminate this pregnancy without talking it through with your partner. It is a hell of a decision to make any time and one that you should not have to make alone

You have not done anything wrong. You had both decided that you would stop contraception and, even though it was for a short time, there was a chance that this might happen.

Talk to him. It would cause him more stress to find out further down the line that you had terminated a pregnancy without his knowledge than it would to talk it through with him now I'm sure. What if there were complications or you were ill afterwards?

And yes, if you've been working you'll get some maternity allowance.

Take a deep breath and talk to him about it....

DarrellRivers · 08/06/2010 16:27

it doesn't sound like you want a termination.
This is a wanted baby, don't worry, the other stuff will work out, i promise.

Original poster
RoxyLady · 08/06/2010 16:30

Yes I want this baby. But he is so funny about money I am worried what his reaction will be.
I feel like he is going to blame me, if it had happened a few months later it would be fine but it hasnt. Its happened now

OP posts:
gingertoo · 08/06/2010 16:36

If you both decided that you were going to try for a baby then he can't blame you!

These things have a habit of working themselves out, they really do. And babies don't have to cost as much as the media likes to make out they do.

Talk to him

Original poster
RoxyLady · 08/06/2010 16:43

I will do. So worried how he will react.
I feel so ill with morning sickness I just dont want him to freak out!

OP posts:
Havingkittens · 08/06/2010 17:01

If you had both decided to try for a baby I would really strongly advise against doing anything rash without telling him. There's a chance that if somehow he found out, he may be devastated and on top of loosing his father it could be quite damaging to both his emotional well being and your relationship.

Ok, the timing isn't perfect. But then often it isn't. Communication and honesty are so very important in a relationship and decisions like this should be made together. If you both decide it's not the right time and decide to end the pregnancy then fair enough but you may well decide that having a new baby is a wonderful thing for him after loosing his father. Depending on his father's prognosis it might mean a lot to him, also, that his father may get to meet his grandchild before he dies. My boyfriend's brother had a baby shortly before they lost their dad to prostate cancer and it was really precious that they had a little time together.

On the money side of things, my grandmother always told me (I think it may be an old jewish sentiment) that each new baby brings it's own luck.

japhrimel · 08/06/2010 17:05

Takes two to tango! It's his baby too. I'm sure it might not be the best timing, but babies happen when they happen - it's taken me and my OH 18 months to get to where we are now (nearly 13 weeks pregnant).

As the others have said, you'll get maternity allowance even though you won't qualify for SMP with a new job. The Direct.gov.uk website has all the details. And a new employer can't not employ you specifically because you're pregnant.

whatname · 08/06/2010 17:07

If you have been employed within the last year( i think) of a certain week of your pregnancy( think 25) then you can get Maternity allowance.
Are you saying you won't be able to start new job because you are pregnant?
If you already have a job lined up, no-one should be able to take it away from you because you are pregnant.
And if you are contracting, what's the difference, you could up and leave at any time.

Investigate the financial side of it, and then you should talk to your DP

PixieCake · 08/06/2010 18:27

Please talk to your DP.
You may well find that he takes it a lot better than you expect.
Good luck x

gingertoo · 10/06/2010 11:50

How did you get on roxylady
Did you speak to him?
Hope everything is ok

New posts on this thread. Refresh page