Newly pregnant - Am I ready for it??

[Kitty30]

I am 29 years old and found out a couple of weeks ago that I am 7 weeks pregnant (first baby). We planned it and I was always so excited to fall pregnant but now that I am, I am feeling very overwhelmed and nervous and wondering if I am totally ready. I know I have to give up a lot and will receive a lot back in return but lately I have been thinking what a major job it is being a mum. Plus, I dont have any friends close by who have kids or going through their first pregnancy either.

I am also NOT a hospital person at all and a bit freaked out by the whole birthing experience and really dont know how I am going to get through that!

I am hoping that once I have my first scan and maybe start meeting other mums-to-be that I will get into it and feel more excited?

Does anyone else feel this way or had similar feelings with their pregnancies?

I certainly did. It's a scarey thing to do, making such a huge committment to someone you haven't yet met, but once your baby is here you'll know it's all worth it.

(Even if you don't fall in love at first sight - it took me a wee while with my first.)

Thanks OldLadyKnowsNothing - I am sure I will fall in love with it and really get into motherhood. I guess I need a bit more support as I dont have any friends who are in a similar situation. But hopefully I will meet people along the way.

I'll tell you what - when you first feel it kick, that's amazing! Tiny little butterfly flutters.

Hi Kitty! Am 24 weeks with our first. And yes, feeling exactly the same way as you! For me, the key thing has been not to put pressure on myself to feel a certain way about things and to allow that if I feel ambivalent about things, that's normal and OK and doesn't mean I'm going to mess everything up. Sometimes I'm excited and feel really positive and other times I feel overwhelmed and anxious about the birth, about motherhood (latest series of questions running through my head: what if our child grows up and hates us?), about what I'll have to give up to do the job properly, etc. Conflicting thoughts and emotions are perfectly normal!
Good luck and congratulations! XX

HI Cardamonginger! Its good to know that I dont feel alone here and normal to feel like this. I do like your advice about just allowing yourself to feel this way and not to put pressure on to feel a certain way. I have my first scan tomorrow so maybe that will help :-)

Bye for now!

You've got another 7+ months to get used to it, don't worry. I'd highly recommend checking out the NCT in your area - we're booked on their antenatal course but we're also going to a Working Bumps group and its great to meet local Mums-to-be as all our friends with kids are ages away.

Kitty30 I'm 29 too and 12 weeks pregnant with our first. I also don't have any friends who are close by and have or have had babies. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. You wouldn't be in London, would you?

I'm just as nervous. DH says that he knows I'll be a good mum, but he's a biased observer. Anyway, you can read all the books you want which is what I've been doing, but those make me feel a bit overwhelmed.

My first scan is on Thursday. Like you, I'm hoping that will help.

Good luck with your scans Kitty and LLKH!

Hi Kitty,

I feel exactly the same. I'm 28 and 11 weeks pregnant, I'm the first one of my friends to get pregnant so feel a bit adrift.

Like you the pregnancy was planned, but I have to admit that I thought that it'd take me longer to conceive (had a positive test in the 1st month).

It's hard to stay positive when all pregnancy gives you is puking, constipation and sleepless nights - I have my first scan next week and I'm hoping that this and better pregnancy side effects such as being able to share the good news & feeling the first movements will keep me positive.

I worry both about my own career and the enormity of bringing a new life into the world... but I guess us women have been doing this for years (we won't be the 1st and certainly won't be the last).

x

Hi Kitty,

I feel exactly the same. I'm 28 and 11 weeks pregnant, I'm the first one of my friends to get pregnant so feel a bit adrift.

Like you the pregnancy was planned, but I have to admit that I thought that it'd take me longer to conceive (had a positive test in the 1st month).

It's hard to stay positive when all pregnancy gives you is puking, constipation and sleepless nights - I have my first scan next week and I'm hoping that this and better pregnancy side effects such as being able to share the good news & feeling the first movements will keep me positive.

I worry both about my own career and the enormity of bringing a new life into the world... but I guess us women have been doing this for years (we won't be the 1st and certainly won't be the last).

x

I think it's good to be nervous first time. It shows you are taking it seriously! I blithely sailed through my first pregnancy without a care in the world and BOY was it a shock to my system when my baby finally arrived.

My best advice? Take each day as it comes. There will be tough days, but these will be balanced out by the most amazing times of your life.

congratulations - you're in the best place here on MN. Nankid's advice about taking it day by day is great.

You'll meet loads of other mums - ante-natal classes and baby groups post-birth are great for this.

You sound much calmer than I was! Enjoy your growing bump.

Congratulations!!

I am 29 as well but pregnant with my second, my first is now 3 and the most wonderful thing in the world to me!

We tried for 6 months to get pregnant before managing it and I had done so many tests and not seen 2 lines so when it came up with 2 I couldn't believe how lucky we were. Then within about 20mins I thought it was the worst thing I'd done for a variety of reasons which I'm sure where mainly down to shock and hormones!

I had many arguements with my DH during my pregnancy mainly down to how we were going to manage financiallly, which led me to feel that I couldn't do the best for my child and that it would be better to abort my much wanted child. Every morning we made up and everything was rosier but there were still those niggling doubts! I have since changed my career which has caused a whole new level of stress this time around but I haven't ever had the same thoughts as I did with my first.

I was also the first of my friends to have a baby and most of them are now having their first while I'm having my second so we have more in common again but you will meet new people and there is nothing wrong with different sets of friends.

Being a mum is the best job in the world and I absolutely love my little boy more than anything else in the world so really the best thing I ever did!

HI Kitty. I'm 29 too, and 32 weeks pregnant (first-time). Like you I have no close friends going through this or at this stage of life. I'm nervous...but I've been told I won't feel 'ready' until the baby is actually here.

Have to say, only now am I starting to actually get used to the idea and begin to look forward to the baby coming - it's taken me all this time. But I am gradually getting ready mentally, and starting to get excited - and I'm sure you will too!

Thanks for all your advice / support - NanKid and elPolloDiabolo!

Its good to know there are others out there in a similiar situation

LLKH - yes I am based in north london, where are you? Good luck with your scan tomorrow. Mine is this evening

CTJ82 - I am the same. I thought it would take a bit longer. It took us 3 months. I am not too concerned about my career as much as I have been dying to have a career break anyway. But I will miss the adult contact for sure. And I am quite a social girl so I will miss the independence. Good luck for your scan next week. Keep us posted and I hope your morning sickness gets better. I haven't been too bad. Just feel a bit iffy every now and again.

MamaMary - you are nearly there! Congrats! I am hoping that when I get to that stage I will too feel a lot more excited.

Thanks for the reassuring words cinnamongreyhound

x

Hello!

I was exactly the same as you...we'd planned it and been trying but I stil felt 'odd' when I saw those lines. Excited, but 'odd' as well. I still have the odd moment of thinking 'oh my God, what am I doing', how will my life change etc etc. And I'm nearly 33 wks now! I love my husband so much that the though of our relationship changing scares me, though he has amazed me so far.

Now that I have started to feel her on a regular basis I do feel closer to her, as does my husband.

All in all, I think you are perfectly normal!

Oh, meant to say that I am 29 too! Obviously quite a common age range roung here. Although my husband has many friends with children (he's 35) they're not 'my' friends as such, so I will admit to feeling quite lonely in that respect. I'm hoping that once she's here I can start joining groups and stuff and meeting similar minded people there.

Thanks MrsC2010. I have been worried about my relationship too. We got married in December and have always been just perfect just the two of us and I am worried that the lack of sleep etc will do for us. HE is so supportive though and generally a lot more positive than me so I am sure everything will be just fine.

Wow - 33 wks now. Are you getting nervous for the birth or does that not worry you so much as you want to meet her now?

Quite, think like that! We're similar in that we only got married last year so are still in the 'blissful perfection' type stage, I'd hate to lose that! Though I am seeing a whole new side to him that is lovely, so perhaps things will only get better.

Yes, it's getting quite close now! I've had a very easy pregnancy so far (touch wood), no sickness etc etc but I think it is coming back to bite me a little now! I am starting to feel quite huge and hot and sore, my job involves a lot of walking around (teacher) so am really looking forward to finishing!

I'm really looking forward to her appearing now, so much preparation has gone into this that now I'm getting impatient! I was petrified of birth, not just the pain element etc but also the loss of control, dignity etc. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention so this is my worst nightmare! I remember sobbing to the husband that I just wanted to give birth in a cupboard so that no-one could see me! (Yes, hormones still on the rampage!) Not so bad now because I am more resigned to it, and have made a point of reading lots of books about the birthing process that tell positive stories more than negative to try to get my head around the fact that birth is a very natural process that our bodies are created to do. This has helped me to feel more relaxed about it, which should help lead to less pain! (She says, optimistically.) I'm also going to listen to some hypnoborthing CDs to try to learn some relaxation techniques.

Anyway, what a long post!

Kitty30 Wow, I'm in north london too.

My husband and I were only married last month but we've been together five years. I'm a bit worried about the strain of the small one, but like yours, my husband is supportive and lovely so I'm only a bit worried.

MrsC Good luck! I hate being the centre of attention as well especially when it comes to medical things. I always feel I take up too much time. This is partly why I am hoping to be given the all clear for a home birth.

Reading is good. Have you read The Art of Giving Birth by Ina May Gaskin? There are numerous positive birth stories in there.

LLKH - I live in muswell hill, where about are you? Are you going to join any groups? I still need to check out whats going on in my area.

Another thing I want to do is join a pregnancy yoga class and have seen researched a place in Islington.

I will buy that book. I am all for positive stories as I am rather petrified.

Good luck MrsC. Can you recommend any good books to read?

Yes, the same lady that LLKH recommends! Guide to Childbirth mine is called, may be the same. She is a US midwife and very much in favour of all natural births. Obviously you have to tinge this with realism and common sense, but equally it is a great read as it explains thoroughly how your body does what it does at different times in labour. I really felt that understanding what was happening to my body helped me feel calmer about the birth, as it showed me that most of the time, your body knows what it's doing so by trusting it we're giving ourselves the best chance. It also made the point that adrenaline (caused by fear, excitement etc) causes your body to tense up...when you're tense 'things' hurt more! So by relaxing and letting the natural hormones that your body wants there do their thing you should actually experience less pain...if that makes sense!

Kitty30 According to the bicycle sign near our house, I'm 3 1/2 miles away from Muswell Hill. We're in Tottenham. Perhaps tea or something might be in order? Also, how was the scan?

I'm not sure about joining groups yet. I have, if you will excuse the pun, taken the plunge and gone swimming which I highly recommend.

MrsC It is Guide to Childbirth; I forgot the name briefly.

I also liked her early one from the '70s Spiritual Midwifery because there is a section in the back to instruct midwives. I actually found that reassuring as well, although my husband says there are too many longhaired flower children in there. When I pointed out that he has long hair, he said "Yes, but I don't use the words 'cosmic energy' unless it involves space warfare" (This is why I married him! )

Scan went well, although I am only 6 weeks so still in the very early stages but doc doesnt seem too concerned.

I was very overwhelmed afterwards and the reality is starting to sink in. My hubby was more excited than me as I suppose I have a lot more going through my head than he does.

Anyway, I met a lovely DR today and feeling a bit better.

Yes, we should do tea sometime, let me know how your scan goes!

Scan was amazing! The baby was jumping around and rolling and generally being v. active so it took the sonographers ages to get the measurements they needed.

All is well and baby is clearly v. healthy. Official due date is now 22 December so today I am 12+2.

Hope everyone else is keeping well too.