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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Guest week before EDD

16 replies

anyabanya · 08/06/2010 12:06

I have namechanged for this because DH knows my other mn name. I am also posting here and not AIBU because I do not want a flaming or troll accusations as this 'seems' to be my first post. I really do not know what to do here.

I am due in 4 weeks with DC1. 4 days before my EDD there is a major sporting event near us, and my DH has been asked by a couple of his mates to put them up from Friday pm-Sunday. He said he would ask me, and did so in their presence. I said a reluctant okay, but said that if I were in labour it would be difficult, but the reply was that once it was done, it was done as where else could they go in the middle of the night? Truth is, i am really freaking out, because I have no idea if i will go into labour early. 4 days is not that long before EDD. Also, I want to labour at home until the last possible moment and do not want to labour in front of a bunch of men who are not DH. I explained this to DH afterwards, and he DOES understand, and he did say he would cancel it, but now i feel like i am being precious or unreasonable, because after all, it COULD be the baby is late. Truth is, i am really annoyed that this request was even made, people KNOW we are in the final stretch for crying out loud, but at the same time I do NOT want to be labelled the precious wife who is preventing DH and his mates from having a good time 'just in case' I go into labour. IYSWIM.

I do not know what to do. DH says it is 100% up to me and what I feel comfortable with. But I am fucked off that I am even put into this position. Incidentally, none of the mates have children yet, so I think they would not really understand that this is not really a reasonable request. (At least, I do not think it is reasonable).

So, am I being precious, because after all, first babies are 'often late' or should I just try and explain that really, house guests so close to the birth are really not a great idea?

I would be really pleased to have some insight from the mn jury.

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Shaz10 · 08/06/2010 12:10

I think your DH was a bit of a tool to even suggest this.
Although I suspect if you do go into labour in the middle of the night they will find somewhere to go pretty quick!

If you did explain how messy and noisy labour can be, would they be the sort of people who would withdraw their request?

And so many babies are not born anywhere near late.

Eglu · 08/06/2010 12:18

Your DH should really have thought about it, before he asked you. Also asking you in front of them was hardly fair.

FWIW DS1 was a week early. You could have already had the baby by then. How would you feel about it then? You really need to cancel it.

tablefor3 · 08/06/2010 12:18

No, I don't think that you are being unreasoanble and [eye roll] for DH for asking in front of the potential guests.

I think that following your next MW appointment you are advised that your blood pressure is a bit high and you are ordered to rest and take it easy. Therefore, your DH (not you mind) should then say, sorry boys, no guests, but plenty of time for them to make alternative arrangements.

xMrsSx · 08/06/2010 12:18

Not being precious at all... I would tell your DH to tell his friends it is off and even IF they do think you are being over-the-top, they'll soon forget - men usually do IME. If your DH is happy with whatever you do and the only reason you are worrying about it is because of his friends then STOP stressing, this is your first baby and you want to do everything however you want to! That's all that matters! Good luck. xx

beanlet · 08/06/2010 12:33

Sounds like your DH is supportive if you do want to backtrack on this. Make up a serious but not life threatening pregnancy related complaint that means you can't be disturbed in your last few weeks of pregnancy, and get DH to pass on the news that they can't stay. I'm sure they'll be sympathetic -- most people aren't completely stupid, even if they don't have kids!

mamasunshine · 08/06/2010 12:37

Absolutely cancel it! You won't want your dh's mates there during your last days as "couple only", and as previous poster said, you may in fact already have had your baby. Also you'll probably be nesting and wanting to get all the last bits of housework/cooking etc done before baby arrives. Trust me, you don't want the extra stress of this impending visit to throw your blood pressure up. You just need to be relaxing and enjoying your last few days of sleep and peace

Original poster

anyabanya · 08/06/2010 12:40

Thank you. I feel a little better. I guess, in one way I feel bad to change something that i know DH and his friends would enjoy, but at the same time, this seems like the one time when i should be able to rely on privacy. It also occurred to me, that DH's friends probably have no idea that the advice from the hospital is to stay at home until you cannot speak through the contractions any more, so alot of this potentially will be played out right in front of them. (If they have thought at all, it is probably that you have a twinge and off you go in a taxi). I will talk with DH. He is not sulking or anything, just when he asked he said 'Let me ask the boss' and I do not want to feel like now i am being the tyrant wife. It does not put him in a good light, I know, but he genuinely does not mean it like that... he did not think fast on his feet, and I wish i had thought faster myself, because although i DID mention I could be in labour, I should have emphasised this a bit more. I was a bit taken aback really to be confronted with it.

Yes, I really want to cancel it. It sent me into a bit of a panic last night with lots of upset.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 08/06/2010 12:46

Cancel it!

MamaG · 08/06/2010 12:46

Definitely cancle

beanlet · 08/06/2010 12:46

Just remind DH and his friends that a birth anytime from 37 weeks onwards is regarded as full term, so it would be insane to try to plan anything at all, let alone having guests, after 37 weeks.

LittleSilver · 08/06/2010 13:01

Cancel. Not fair to put you under stress.

GeekOfTheWeek · 08/06/2010 13:07

Message for mr anyabanya.

How very unfair of you to ask your dw in front of said prospective guests.

You should have been a man about it and said no straight away.

Utterly ridiculous to propose this and tbh, what kind of friend even asks 4 days prior to edd.

Original poster

anyabanya · 08/06/2010 13:07

thanks. Will talk with him tonight and cancel, for all the reasons you have said here. There are other places for his friends to stay, if they sort it now, so that bit is fine, and also, we usually have guests all through the summer so they can come next year.

I do feel better, thank you all for your thoughts. Very much appreciated.

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MrsTittleMouse · 08/06/2010 13:09

Cancel! Make up a medical reason if DH needs to save face, but cancel.

My DD came at 37 weeks. Fancy learning to breastfeed in front of all DH's mates, while shuffling around with a pillow to sit on to protect your stitches?

Original poster

anyabanya · 08/06/2010 13:15

at learning to breastfeed MrsTM!

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Original poster

anyabanya · 09/06/2010 08:37

Just wanted to say a thank you to everyone who responded. I spoke with DH last night and laid out all my reasons for why i felt uncomfortable, and explained that I did not want to be spoiling anyone's fun. he said he understood completely, and apologised for not thinking more quickly, and just saying no at the time. He will call friends today and explain.

Phew. I feel enormously better. And very grateful for those who responded who made me feel I was not being unreasonable!

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