Only 24 weeks and feeling overwhelmed

[auburnlizzy78]

Hi everyone

This is my first baby and I've never been pregnant before. I've sailed through so far really, but in the last couple of weeks I definitely feel like it's becoming more difficult to cope, despite my workload being pretty easy compared to what it used to be, e.g - a load of emails in my inbox in the morning will now totally phase me, or I seem to read documents etc through two or three times before I have a clue what's going on. I have a reasonably high profile and demanding job and have to make important decisions every day. I do still care, and am just about holding it together and still doing a good job, but am counting the days till 34 weeks when I'm out of there!

I have a three train, 1.5 hour each way commute into the city every day except Wed when I work from home and am suddenly finding London, the people, the tube, difficult to handle.

I'm just starting to get my head round what we need to buy for the baby/what we need to do to get ready but even that's been a struggle, I'm normally hyper-organised, over-prepared/OCD type, high-energy, about as emotional as a house brick, but the change I've seen in myself in a short time has been alarming.

I don't think I'm depressed, looking forward to the baby, great DH, friends and family - so do I need to "grow a pair", slow down, pack in work earlier.... or what? Some advice from the veterans on here would be great, and it would also be nice to know I'm not alone! Thanks

You are not alone

I too have a responsible job, involved in decision making which affect people etc

Have been ready to stop work from abot 8w pg (I stop end of June, huzzah!)

That commute would kill me

Cut yourself some slack, totally normal to feel like this

Hi Auburnlizzy78,

I don't know if this helps, but I can identify exactly with you, right down to the job, except I am lucky enough to be only 6 miles from work. I was off sick for a few days last week and came back to loads of emails and actually did not know how to handle them and my DH on the phone advised me to break the emails out by suject rather than date and I was like ooh! thats a good idea like I'm some kind of thick idiot, not a senior manager.

I too normally lack emotion except with the dogs which does drive my DH mad and recently I've cried over silly things, but its always been the straw that breaks the camels back.

I suppose a good thing may be to try and compartmentalise (hard when you're being kicked I know). I think it might be worth your while buying just something small for now to break you in! I've been thinking of doing something simple like getting some vesty/growbag/romper thingys whatever they're called, to make it a bit more real. I suppose my problem is I don't find babies that cute not the gubbins that go with them and am struggling to get enthusiastic about cots, prams etc and feel kind of jealous of those who can.

I think recognising how you feel is the first step and also, I do think slowing down a bit may be a good idea so you can fit in more preparation time. I'd be happy to keep in touch with you if you like if you think it would be at all helpful. x

I do a long commute into London too, and since about 30 weeks I've been indulging in a taxi to and from the station instead of getting the tube and walking. It's made quite a difference to how I feel, actually.

Also worth knowing: most train companies will allow you to sit in first class if you're over 25 weeks and there are no other seats.

I'm currently mostly working from home, which is great -- except I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time on mumsnet. . .

I am not experienced at this as I am also 25 weeks pregnant with my first. I am sure some of the old timers can chip in.

But for what it's worth, I can completely emphatise with you. I find dealing with the crowds at train stations during rush hour overwhelming, am tired quite a lot and have really slowed down at work. (though work have made it easy for me to slow down by putting me on notice of redundancy but that's another story all together!).

I can only pass on advice from other girlfriends who have said that you need to make the time to prepare yourself physically and emotionally for the birth and looking after your new baby. So do what you can to make time for yourself. Maybe see if you can work an extra day from home to cut down on the commute?

Hang in there.

PS only just got most of our baby things this week, and I'm nearly 37 weeks! I had a bad dream the other night that the baby only had one nappy, and that was the one the hospital had given him when he was born and we went straight out the next day and got everything we hadn't already got yet, including a week's worth of newborn nappies!

I've found buying major items on the internet to be a godsend; we've mostly had them delivered to DH's workplace. We have, however, had serious trouble with ordering things online from Kiddicare and Babies'R'Us because they assume if your billing and delivery addresses are different, you must be a fraudster! (Haven't they ever heard of people buying gifts before?)

Re the practical stuff (for the baby):

I am pg with DC3 and tbh a baby needs v little in its first few weeks of life

My checklist would be:

Pram/buggy
Car seat
Cot + bedding
Vests and babygros (people go mad buying clothes so don't go mad!)

That's about it IME

Thanks, you're all so lovely and give fab advice which I will certainly take.

June will be a busy month at work but after that I think I might be able to get my boss to agree to me working one more day at home per week (he is a really nice guy and a father of 4).

Elsa123, yes, it would be lovely to keep in touch, I figure the more friends we have the better at times like this! I have changed my account settings so I think I can receive emails now, or we can talk on here.

RunningGuerita - sorry about your job, that's stress you really don't need. I hope that they aren't singling you out. Good luck with your baby, and if you want to talk to someone with a due date near yours, as we get fatter and more incapable, you know where to find me!

Lots of good advice - just to add:

• babies really don;t need much when starting out. There is an excellent book by Which on baby products which really explains everything and generally cuts through the rubbish that companies try and sell as "essential". Really, nappies, a car seat, a cot, a few sleep suits and lots of muslins will go a long way. Just remember, John Lewis always delivers!

• Baby on Board badges. Yes, as naff as they come, but worth it. Also lots of train companies do have special provision for pregnant ladies.

• cut yourself some slack. I wish that I had been a little less conscientious during my first pregnancy. There were, just a couple, of days, when a lie in and getting in for noon would have helped me no end (and made me better at work), without any detriment to anyone else.

• try for the work from home day. If nothing else it will save the commute.

• line up your replacement. Only 10 weeks to go so you can start to hand things over, surely!?

Hi

I'll have a look for that book, tablefor3. Need people to help me cut through the sales crap and work out what I really don't need!

I no longer need my baby on board badge, I am massive already and all out the front so usually get offered a seat these days. What bothers me is the time the journey takes, the changing trains, the hordes of people. In Canary Wharf people practically walk through you if you're slower than them.

I am starting to hand certain things over to more junior/inexperienced colleagues but they haven't found a proper replacement yet, even though they are looking. Unless they get someone internally it's likely that my replacement will be on a three month notice period so I can't handover. So I'm writing them a little manual on "how to do my job", at least it's all in writing and no one can say that I buggered off leaving people clueless.

I'm down to work on a few more things before I go on mat leave, but I shall start to extricate myself from these. I just don't think I've got it in me to give!

Hiya

This is the book

Can you change your hours slightly too, eg get in later to avoid the rush hour?

I am trying (and failing) to lessen my workload/put myself first rather than work, but it's hard. No-one wants to be a slacker, or make life more difficult for pregnant women after us, or realistically, stop doing things when pregnant when the buck ultimately stops with us, but at the same time we have to find a way to protect ourselves.

Anyway, I will let you know if I have any good ideas on the subject!

Hi there

I have no sage advice but just wanted to sympathise...

I feel exactly the same! I am also 24 weeks and have a demanding job with a long commute (1 hour) into the city. My boss did suggest I come in late to avoid the rush hour, but the quid pro quo was that I stay later to compensate... seeing as I work until about 8pm on an average day, I am not sure what he envisages...!

I am actually going to really miss my job, as I love it, but that doesn't stop me wishing I was on maternity leave NOW! I am working up to 37 weeks, so ages to go yet!

I am trying to take things VERY easy on the weekends (none of my usual mad dashing - its fine to watch DVD box sets in pyjamas all day!) and, in terms of buying baby stuff, I am just trying to buy one thing every couple of weeks, when I happen to be in John Lewis or something. So, for instance, so far I have bought a pack of white baby gros and vests (apparently that's all you need - plus some cardigans my Mum is knitting) and I have ordered a pram/buggy. I also have a moses basket someone gave me. I'll buy essentials over the next few weeks, but I'm having a baby, not going to a remote country with no shops... I am sure I can buy stuff after its born!

What would you really like to do?

You're not alone at all. I had planned to work until 35 weeks, told work this and seemed to set it in stone in my mind. I have been finding things really tough, though my commute isn't nearly as bad as yours (45 min-1hr drive). My GP has recommended that I stop (at 29 weeks) and I feel that someone has now given me "permission" to change my mind. I think it's fair to say that no one who is pregnant for the first time will have a clue about what it is like and therefore might have to change their working arrangements and maternity leave plans when they discover that it is different to what they expected.

My GP put it all in perspective for me when she said that this is my only opportunity to have this baby, so it is worth making sure I am in good shape and prioritising being pregnant.

Hope things get better for you.

table3, thanks for the book link. You're right, I feel like I'm responsible for people's perceptions of pregnant women who come after me (which of course is ridiculous). It's so hard to slow down.

I try to miss the rush hour (do 8 to 4.30) so that means I leave house at 6.30am and am at home by 6pm. That seems to work ok. But I will start saying to my boss that if I have no meetings to come in for I would like to stay at home and work - he knows how hard I've worked in the past and that I don't stay at home and slack off.

I've done a spreadsheet listing all the baby stuff I need. (I couldn't help myself). It calmed me down and I've realised what I need to get soon, and what can wait....

Thanks everyone for all your posts, it has really helped and it's nice to know I'm normal. And that I don't have to feel guilty about stepping off the gas and focusing on this baby - who is currently lying across my belly and poking me in the side!

If you feel responsible for people's perceptions of pregnant women who come after you then do those pregnant women a favour and don't set the bar too high!

That way people will be grateful for what those women can do and make allowances for what they can't. This would be much better for them than hearing something like "Lizzy worked so hard until she left, you wouldn't have known she was pregnant and she had twice the commute you did."

Good point Sal!

OP I sympathise - I'm 33.5 weeks now and counting the days till I finish work (9 more days in the office!). The tube is hot and miserable and I hate not being able to walk at my usual fast pace up and down the escalators etc. I am lucky enough to have a replacement lined up and it's an internal appointment so she's a friend of mine who I know will do a fab job. However I'm worried that everyone will moan about me after I've gone if I don't leave everything in perfect order, and there are quite a few bits and bobs I won't get done now that I hoped would get done before I left.

Plus I have general guilt about maternity leave... it seems crazy I can take a year off, mostly paid, to do something as indulgent as have a baby!

PS On Saturday we really had very little baby stuff, just some assorted handed down clothes... now we have a crib, a mattress, a load of nappies, second hand vests and bodysuits, a travel system, a changing mat, some muslins, etc etc! It all just came together, as did our spare room, in the course of a couple of days.