Very probably pregnant with 4th child and terrified any reassurance out there?

[Maybee]

Hi,
I'm in a real state of anxiety -can't eat can't sleep as I'm v probably pg. We took a silly risk (withdrawal method) on my 40th birthday night after too much wine and my af is now overdue!
We already have 3 adorable dc aged 7, 2 and 9 months but we really struggle to make ends meet and get no help as our families are far away.
I was on the pill cerazette but was having horrid side effects and came off it. The week before my bday I was walking around with a prescription for another minipill but didn't have time to get it and wasn't too worried as our sex life isn't as frequent as it used to be now anyway!
I'm due back at work in August and by then may well have a bump. That'll be 3 pregnancies in 4 yrs. Oh help! I was just coming out of the hazy new baby phase and had got nice new bras and knickers last Saturday!
I know I should bite the bullet and test but I'm now pretty sure I'll get + and I can't quite face the reality yet.
Dh is aware of my suspicions too and not exactly over the moon.
I feel so silly and guilty as well at not being overjoyed. Anyone out there in the same boat?

Loads of women have had 'surprise' babies after they were sure they were done.

It has a knack of working out, and once the baby is born, it's impossible to have the same feelings you have now.

Do the test.

just do a test woman!

Only one way to find out.

Do the test.

If your youngest is only 9mo, you are still dealing with nappies/buggies etc so it will be fine if you are pg, a big happy family! My youngest brother (mum's DC4) was an "accident" and nobody would be without him.

Have you done the test yet?

My SIL fell pregnant with DC4 after her OH had a vasectomy, he didnt bother to go back for the checkup that it had worked.

It was definitely the best mistake they ever made. it was tough for them initially (4 kids under age of 6) but they have never regretted it.

Having said that I know the pregnancy was hard for SIL as her OH was totally freaked out by it and went off the rails a bit. Once the baby was born though he was absolutely fine.

My OH is completely freaking out now about us having number 3 with a nealy 9 year age gap between this one and DS2, so I do sympathise with you. I think for men parenthood begins at birth whereas with women it does at conception.

In a similar boat - DC's 11 and 7 from 1st partnership, dc3 with DH and found out a couple of weeks before the wedding that we were unexpectedly expecting! I too shat myself at the prospect of a fourth, especially when DC3 is only 15mths!(Will be 22 when this one appears!)
However, despite this and the fact that DH has had a 10% pay cut, I bring in very little money, and things are hellish more than tight, we're looking forward to our Christmas surprise! DH wanted another one anyway, and I was willing to have one in a little while, it just happened a wee bit sooner than we thought! At least having this small gap will turn out to be an advantage when they're only a school year apart.
Don't worry, luvvy, we'll be fine!!!

I have just had my 5th aged 42. (DD died 4 years ago so now have four boys).

He was planned but I didnt plan to have him quite so soon. Stupid me, I listened to all the research that said women my age have a tiny chance of getting pregnant each cycle and assumed it would take years if it happened at all

So it took about a week. Cue months of shock and worry 'how will we cope' 'what have I done' etc etc.

Its fine, he is lovely, we are coping.

I dont mean to trivialise your worries by any means. Just offering a bit of cheer

I have a 6 week old surprise 4th - he's my fourth baby in 6 years and financially we are now stretched I'd say - especially as I don't think that I will be able to go back to work with four. I got AND with him and was very freaked out about how I would cope as I was finding three hard enough work! I had a lot of counselling before the baby arrived because I was so freaked out about it, and worried about coping/bonding/loving him etc - and that really helped me get my head around it. FWIW, now that he's here, I can't imagine life without him, and financially we'll find a way to manage - it helps that he's my third boy - I haven't really had to buy any clothes and we won't have to buy toys for a while either!

Anyway, until you test, it may all be moot anyway . But if you do, and if it's positive, then try not to panic because things do have a way of working out.

Thank you so much everybody. I'm so moved by all the reassuring words I'm nearly weeping again so almost definitely pg. An ambulance whizzed past us yesterday and I was nearly in tears for the person it was going to save! So already my hormones are haywire!
I haven't done the test. I've only had 2 cycles since stopping bfing and since in the past I've had 33 day cycles I'm hanging in for a day or two! I'm also a big chicken.

Congratulations Che girl, Hobbitmama and Panicmode.
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter Chegirl. How was your last pregnancy? I found mine at 38.5 with a toddler in tow surprisingly ok but got really ill afterwards with septicaemia and haven't really had the same energy since! Maybe thats just getting older and having 3 lively kids.
I'm not too worried about clothes and toys as we've got 3 boys and my sis has lots of girl stuff that we could get. I've just got rid of all our babystuff too although I know we can pick up more bits and pieces later on.
We just scrape by with mortgage and bills so I don't know how we will cope with childcare fees for so many nippers.
Do we have to get a People Carrier? I really don't like them. I know its daft but I also dread people's reactions. When I got pg with ds3 people said things like "rather you than me" and "these things happen" I'm not sure how people at work will react. I know in the grand scheme of things what other people say or think should be the least of my worries but its still a niggle! How do you all deal with the "How do you cope with 4 ?" remarks
Dh and I aren't talking about it really yet but he worries about our finances anyway so it will stress him out. I'm just so nervous although at times I do get that lovely warm feeling of life stirring within! I suppose the financial side of things is my biggest worry and space in our 3 bedroom house as well.

Just do the test, no point worrying or thinking about being pregnant if you're not.

My 4th was the easiest, sweetest baby yet. He just slotted right in

You will be fine. I admire your restraint re prg test. I would be on test 3 by now

Good luck Maybee. My DC3 was a surprise - 14 months between 2 and 3.
Can't believe what some people said to me. We are stretched but somehow we'll be fine. He is also the most beautiful baby I've ever seen (honest).
Do the test!

Maybee I am really feeling for you

Please dont worry. There is just no point.

First youve got to find out and if you are pg things are going to happen anyway!

I found pg with DC5 quite hard emotionally but after the first 3 months I was fine physically. I found taking control helped. I did yoga and relaxation cds.

I had hormonal worries about people judging us for having loads of kids (once you have more than 2 you may as well have 20, the way people carry on). We are on a low income but we manage ok.

TBH I dont sweat small stuff anymore. Not since DD died. I have come to the conclusion that stuff happens and we find a way of dealing with it.

I am sure you will be fine and adapt quicker than you can imagine now. If you are pg concentrate on getting yourself as fit and healthy as you can (hard with a family I know).

The better you feel, the simpler things will feel.

Do the test! We all want to know!

Hi Maybee,

I am in a similar situation - I found out last week that I'm pregnant with DC4. Will have four DC 5 and under! Aargh!

I was a little 'omg' at first, but have quietly taken it in now. We are adults and just have to take responsibility for our actions!

Unsure about how we are going to break it to our families (and work) who will think we are crazy. Can just imagine what my colleagues will be saying behind my back, but that is really an insignificant worry.

I find myself suddenly getting excited at the thought of holding another newborn, and now I will be enjoying this pregnancy with the knowledge that this will be our last.

Money is also v tight for us as I'm working part-time and DP has been made redundant.

I also do not want to get an ugly people carrier! We are having a look around in car parks at the mo, sneaking looks into strangers cars! One possibility is getting a small economical car to go with our 4x4 and both of us drive everywhere!

I hope you are more used to the idea now and are also getting a little excited.

Hi Maybee and MisTFied

Couple of practical points:

1. Bedrooms - I know people with 4 kids in a 3 bed house, it can be done - bunk beds are a godsend! If a loft conversion is possible this is a cost effective way of making more space.

1. Cars - you can get estate cars with a third row of seats rather than a large boot, if you dont like people carriers. I know people who have had Peugeot and Renault estates like this so maybe it is a french thing.

hope this helps. And take the test Maybee!!!

We have a PC. Its not that big. Its a citrion picasso. Its obviously not small but it doesnt feel like a tank.

I would prefer to stick to my 15 year old clio but I just cant get us all in (or find an infant carrier to go in it).

So many of us grown up women 'finding' ourselves up the duff

What are we like?

Hi i found out yesterday i am pregnant with my 5th. Already have 3 ds 25 23 and 20 a dd of 8 and was so enjoying just me and her hanging out. I am 43 and so will have spent my entire life bringing up babies.Feel partly excited as it will be dh first child and he has been fantastic at bringing up dd and helping ds when they need "a dad" but partly terrified of losing my lie ins relaxing holidays and finally nice life style but mostly that the baby will have disability.I keep reading that lots of women have healthy babies in their 40s but they seem to be all celebs and i am not.I have aslo had the last three by cesarean so am interested to hear from anyone who has had a 4th c section.
looking forward to some pearls of wisdom.

Havent had a C section so cant help there.

The disability thing:

It didnt bother me at all to be honest. I work with severely disabled children and the majority of them have young parents in their teens and twenties.

I dont take much notices of statistics due to all the things that have happened to us that have been statistically unlikely.

We are all different and worry about different things I guess. Disability was not one of my main concerns.

I can understand about you missing out on time with your DD but she may go off you soon anyway (thats sounds awful but I dont mean it like that, I mean she will want to go off with her mates)

How are you Maybee?

Congratulations Ledkr.
I'm still in a state.
I teach on a Sat am and our ds had his football display thing that I couldn't attend so dh went with him and the 2 wee ones. He had to leave early and our friend dropped our boy off later. He was crying as his dad didn't see him getting a medal. I felt terrible. Dh then said thats one of the things I dislike about having so many kids they don't get enough individual attention!
Then tonight he said you look really worried and when I told him I'm still waiting he got really anxious as well and has gone for a walk just now. Money is a huge concern for us. We both have good jobs and live v modestly as it is. Also the fact that we get no help or time together really demoralises him.
I know I know I should test but I can't bring myself to!
Today I really enjoyed playing with my kids in the garden and they dispel my anxiety about the whole thing in a strange way. (when they're happy)
Thanks again for all the caring advice. Its a bit of a lifeline as I don't even want to tell my sis yet!

Hello again. After a weekend of total anxiety and sleeplessness - I took the test and its negative so thats a big relief. It was a cheap asda test so i will do another in a few days. Part of me deep down is slightly disappointed but I knew I would be. So my big pants can go back to the attic at last. Thanks for the support everyone and good luck to all the preggie people out there.

My mum married into a step family so at the age of 21 had me and 2 step kids to look after - she had a planned baby as they felt a 'joint child' would mesh us all together so she planned to stop at 4 kids - but then 2 years later she had an accident and child number 5 was on its way.

My mum was terrified - my parents didnt have a lot of money, our huse was small and she just didnt think she could take the stress of another child just as one was walking and another was about to go into high school etc - eg her time and energy was already stretched. She seriously contemplated terminating the pregnancy but for various reasons did not.

Forward 27 years and I can honestly say our 'baby' sister is each of our's favourite sibling - she has been wildly sucessful at school and now owns her own Business - we could not imagine our famiy without her and whilst I am sure it was tough for my parents, I know the rewards have been worth it.

I would just say remember life doesnt stay the same for long today you have young kids, little money etc but the day will come probably quicker than you want when they will all be gone and independent - easy for me to say I know. Good luck.

Sorry to hear you are disappointed at your result Maybee - who knows, maybe this will spur you on to actively try?

pinkelephant We have one set of bunkbeds already and are thinking of another to squish 4 little ones in one room! (Will co-sleep with baby for a few months, then will have a cot in our room) We will try to keep the spare room spare for a little while yet!

We also already have a normal estate and like driving it, but also like the room in the boot. I don't think we could cope with a tiny one, what with pushchairs, bags, shopping and 'stuff'.

I was in shock, although I eventually wanted more children.

My other 3 children are teenagers. I have only just been able to feel positive about it (I am due in 5 weeks)

I contemplated the alternative but could not go through with it.

Good luck. Do what's right for you.