How can I get myself admitted to hospital - can't cope any longer!!

[BigMommaOfAlmost4]

I have 3DC at home and am almost 33 weeks pregnant with DC5 (DD2 stillborn at 30 weeks 9 years ago). I really wanted this baby and it was totally my choice but can't cope with the pregnancy.

I was diagnosed with OCD last year after suffering with it for 25 years plus. It's been a relief to know what it is and I am having CBT for it but this pregnancy has been a nightmare with the OCD being relentless. Never had this with my previous pregnancies because if I knew this would happen, I would never, ever have got pregnant again.

I just cannot get any peace in my mind, intrusive, horrible, depressing thoughts constantly fill my mind from the moment I wake up in the morning. I am tearful all the time, cannot cope with doing anything and feel like shit from the time I get up until the time I go to bed. DH works from 9am to 9pm at least so I do not get any help with the DCs (who are not babies, youngest is 8 but they are very hard work, especially the teenager). Yet again another school holiday with shit, rainy depressing weather and no family or friends to call on. This is the first time in my life, I have seriously thought that I cannot carry on. Also last month we had to move as we rent and our landlord wanted to sell so we had to find another place at short notice and for less money (finances tight now) and all we could find was a horrible, tiny house in a shitty area far away from the DCs schools which has completely depressed me and I am blaming myself for getting pregnant when I should have looked for another job (was made redundant last year) because then we would not have to live in this shithole!!

I really can't bear the thought of carrying on for another 7 weeks and want this baby out so my hormones can calm down and I can cope with everyday things again. Short of running away, the only other thing I can think of is going into hospital until the birth so DH can deal with the DCs and all the other shit and I don't have to (he would not take any time off work unless I was completely incapacitated). With my last pregnancy (twins), the medics were constantly trying to keep me in and I had to fight to stay at home so I cannot believe I feel like this this time.

I am also putting this in Mental Health.

Can you not go back to your GP or talk to your HV stating all you have stated on here - Surely they could help you.
I hope somebody can come along and give you some more advice ....

Hi there, sorry you're feeling so low.

I have a long history of mental health problems including Bipolar Disorder, OCD issues, and self harm so maybe I can help a tiny bit.

Are you under the care of a mental health professional (I see you've had CBT)? If I were you I'd immediately get in touch with them and be extremely frank about how low you're feeling, and be very firm that you need help with it all. The franker the better- sometimes they need to hear exactly how hard you're finding things.

If you don't have a mental health contact, go to the dr asap and tell them the same instead.

I saw you said you don't have any family or friends to call on- if there is anybody at all who can help with the other kids and housework etc to help unburden you, ask them.

Another thing that might help during the lowest points is a call to the Samaritans- I've done it while alone and feeling desperately low, and sometimes just bawling it all out to a kind stranger does help in the short term.

Could your partner take a week or two off work to help you as well?

I know you probably won't see it now, but honestly, things really will get better. If someone had told me 3 years ago when I was suicidal and under heavy sedation that I'd now be married, healthy and 6 months pregnant, I'd never have believed them.

Sending you lots of supportive hugs.

You poor thing. MadameG is absolutely right - you need to go and see someone medically trained and you need to be as honest to them as you are being here with us.

oh gosh you poor thing - how horrible for you to be feeling as you do.

Have you tried calling homestart and see what they can offer in terms of help with the kids / support for you?

Definitely go to your GP today and tell them how you're feeling or if you can't face that - phone the midwives and ask them if they can refer you to the right people.

lots of love and a big hug - you are doing a difficult job and your body is not your own at the moment which makes it so hard. It is only for a bit in the grand scheme of things BUT it is completely normal to feel as you do and I would just get on with getting the help that you need.

It also sounds like you need some help getting across to your DH that you need some support. What's your midwife like?

Oh no, how horrible for you!

I agree with everyone. You don't have to suffer through this without support. Go to the Dr or MW and tell them how you're struggling. Like previous posters said, be open and honest, because there is support available. Maybe your DH will be more aware of the help you need if you're given advice from a medical professional?

The very best of luck to you! You'll have another beautiful DC eventually, instead of this misery! Until then, demand help!

Call your GP or midwife asap. You need to get some support for this.

Thanks ladies - feel a bit better as have been out for a bit. I am under the CMHT as I am having CBT there. I am not sure whether the OCD is not leaving me alone because of the CBT (everything coming to the surface) or the pregnancy. I have never felt like this before and there's no way I would have put myself through this if I had known I would feel like this. The OCD was manageable and only at certain times of day (night) now it is all day everyday. Also us having to move has been a major blow at this stage of the pregnancy so the stress of that has not helped.

I don't like going to my GP as I am sure they are sick of the sight of me and I am worried about bringing it up with my midwife as I am afraid they will involve social services (which is pretty irrational I know but I am not rational at the moment).

DH is very supportive but he thinks I am strong and can cope. He keeps saying that am fine .

We are all really looking forward to the baby and my body being my own again but it seems like this will never end and I hate being so miserable in front of my other DCs . I feel so stupid as I promised myself I would enjoy this pregnancy as it will be my last.

Don't be hard on yourself, just take each day as it comes and remember that the pregnancy won't last forever.

I'd still go to the dr and explain that you're feeling swamped and very low, they may be able to help.

I really don't think social services would get involved, its not like you're trying to harm anyone (or yourself).

Remember to come back and chat if you feel low again.

"DH is very supportive but he thinks I am strong and can cope. He keeps saying that am fine hmm. "

This is a cack-handed male way of trying to reassure you, but comes off as being dismissive unfortunately.

"I am worried about bringing it up with my midwife as I am afraid they will involve social services "

I think its a sign of how stressed out you are that you are so worried about SS. I am sure the midwife will have seen it all before, and not involved SS...You do need to talk to a health care professional that you trust though, what about the community mental health team? Can you make an emergency appt with them if you are in a crisis?

"I feel so stupid as I promised myself I would enjoy this pregnancy as it will be my last. " Please dont feel stupid, you cant force yourself to enjoy pregnancy and it is a difficult and stressful time. there is a social expectation that you will be constantly over the moon and "blooming" but that is not the case for the vast majority of us.

Yoou need to talk this over with your HCPs as soon as possible. They will understand and will want to help

Are you taking anything? I had PND after my first, which led on to various forms of depression over the years and has culminated in the last few years being very difficult indeed with AND, PND/postnatal OCD and general crapness I was also paralysed with fear about SS being involved, but this is a very very last resort in any case. Your worrying about it is just another symptom of the OCD.

The OCD is horrible, but there is help out there; I have been taking fluoxetine during my recent two pregnancies and sertraline whilst breastfeeding which has made the whole thing a lot more bearable.

Please contact someone today, and tell your DH how you are feeling; I think this pretty much qualifies as being totally incapacitated if it is affecting your ability to function on an everyday level. You can always print this out and show it to your DH and your HCPs if you find it difficult to talk about it.

Poor you, it's truly awful

If they won't take you into hospital yet, you really need help at home. Do you have a parent/friend/relative who can come round and help or look after the children while you go out and do something for yourself. If I knew anyone who was going through what you're going through, I wouldn't think twice about going round to help in any way I could.
Your situation sounds like it would be stressful for anyone, even without being pregnant.
I really hope you can get something sorted and soon.

I have a friend who had terrible depression/ anxiety while pregnant, was suicidal for much of it, and even had a possible 'psychotic' diagnosis at one point, and her baby wasn't taken away from her, nor was there any suggestion of it. I'm sure they can see in a flash that you care and are responsible, just struggling - and it makes such a difference if you have a supportive partner as my friend did and you do. She also got radically better soon after the baby was born so it seems likely the pregnancy is making things worse for you (though I realize you can't compare two completely different situations). So don't worry about social services - ask for help wherever you can just to get through the next few weeks.