A few questions from a first-time soon-to-be-mum, please help!

[MadameG]

Hello ladies, I'm 6 months pregnant and feeling very heavy and urgh right now! Got a few questions that I need help with:

1. Epidurals- can anybody advise me from experience whether the pros or cons win on this? My fussy MIL is saying its a terrible idea....

2. Internal examinations during labour- I'm absolutely terrified of this. I have a huge proper phobia of anything going 'in' down there other than in a medical sense- probably sounds funny but I am small built down there and I had a horrific smear experience years ago that left me wanting to vomit before anything like this. Is it really necessary? Because to be honest, it will cause me huge distress and I just don't see how the midwife is even going to be able to do it on me!!! Oddly, the birth pain etc doesn't worry me horrendously, but this does.

3. What will I definitely need to make sure we have in the house ready for when we get home with baby? Besides nappies, pram, car seat and cot, I mean? I don't want to go overboard but I'd like to have what we need.

Thanks in advance.

1. Epidurals. I didn't want one but I had a very long labour and frankly I was exhausted. I had to have Syntocinon which I'd heard made things more painful so at that point I asked for epidural. It was amazing. After 4 nights of no sleep I was able to get my head down for the afternoon. It didn't hurt or feel uncomfortable. I could still move my legs but the pain had gone. I did have a ventouse which people argue was from the epidural but the reason many go for an epidural is because they are not progressing in first place and tired. I believe if I hadn't gone for an epidural I would have ended up with a section as wouldn't have had the energy to push out baby even with help. I had no side effects and it was the best thing for me. Wonderful!

HOWEVER, if you want some kind of natural pain relief I can't recommend the birthing pool strongly enough. It is just amazing at helping with the pain. I had to get out because after 4 hours I didn't progress and I knew about it when I did get out!

1. Don't worry about internals. Put your fears on your birthplan and ask them to only do them if absolutely necessary. It may be it isn't necessary but for me, after how ever many days of pain I wanted to know if I was actually any nearer!

1. Need carseat, somewhere to sleep, few clothes.... I know some say the shops are open so you can go out and buy stuff but for me I was so tired from lack of sleep I wish I'd got a load of stuff in instead of dragging my baby round mothercare two days after the birth instead of enjoying skin to skin in bed.....oh and sleeping!

Hi, I gave in after 40+ hours of labour and begged for an epidural along with syntocinon (to bring on stronger contractions). I had wanted a drug free home birth in water. Actually, after this long in labour, it was the best thing ever. Although I could feel the contractions, they weren't painful - it felt like I was on a lilo going up and down on waves. Such a relief.

I didn't tear and pushed the baby out in 20 minutes. I put this down to doing pilates - so I was really able to visualise pushing her out. Didn't need ventouse or forceps.

Preggers again and will consider epidural but will also be trying for my natural birth if I can.

Ref formula and bottles - unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you'll usually find somewhere selling them late at night. Maybe instead of buying them, check where they're stocked.

hmm, ignore that bit about formula as it clearly doesn't say anything about it in your post! I have no idea where i got that from

Epidural - Fantastic, I had one when I was induced as DD was lying on a nerve and I was in agony. No idea if it slowed things down or not but I was in so much pain I would have taken anything and the relief was instant, I was so grateful I told the anethetist I would marry him if I wasn't already married! Wouldn't hesitate to have another 1 and I was home 12 hours after giving birth.
Do what's best for you at the time, I was all for just gas and air until the pain really hit

if you want to avoid internal exams (i did) probably need to head for a MLU and do it naturally. I would imagine that once you ask for an epidural then they'd want to do internal to see how open you are first. best to discuss this before you are in labour (i changed hospitals to ensure no internals required)

i agree re: ina may gaskin loose lips - during contractions I opened my mouth and focussed on cervix opening - it all happened pretty quickly!

Re epidurals, there is no need to make your mind up now. You don't know what's going to happen in labour. I didn't want one but after 3 days of labour I was too exhausted to cope by the end.

Don't be bullied by people who are strongly pro or against them. Just do what you have to to get through it. There are no medals for different types of labour. All that matters is that you and the baby are alright and you shouldn't feel guilty about any choice you make. No one knows what you're experience will be like and how you'll personally cope with it.

In brief. Do what you need to.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

I had the same fear as you regarding internal examinations. I am also "small" down there! I had to tackle it before I got pregnant, as I had to have fertility treatment which involved a number of speculum procedures.

I found vaginal dilators (got mine at vaginismus.com) fantastically helpful. Those and relaxation techniques got me through most of the treatment almost pain free.

A year after I gave birth to ds I had a routine smear which didn't hurt at all.

You can of course refuse internal examinations but when it comes to it you may wish to know how fast you are progressing - I know I did. You just don't know how the birth will turn out - you may need forceps, for example. I would really recommend being prepared for any possibility. Good luck!

Re internals - I only had one for DD2 - I wish I'd had more and earlier as they would have believed me that baby was coming and miswife wouldn't have said "oh! You're having a baby, you're 9cm!" and then a mad rush to delivery room, with no time for my lovely water birth etc etc!

Re epidurals - I haven't had one, but for DD1 on my birth plan I said I wanted the option of having one if I felt I needed it. DD2 was born in midwife unit, so no epidural available. With both births I coped with gas and air fine

To be fair, "epidurals, the cons win every time" is a sweeping statement.

I had one, and loved it. As I started pushing my DS out, it turned out the cord was round his neck and was strangling him with every push. I therefore had surgeons running in shouting, "Get the baby out!"
If I hadnt had an epidural, I'd have been cut open and stitched up with no anaesthetic whatsoever. That still makes my blood run cold, 5 years later. I appreciate this is just one scenario that could happen.

I would stress, though, that as with everything to do with pregnancy/labour and babies, is dont have too rigid an idea of what you want, things dont tend to go according to plan.

Sorry if this is misplaced, but as anaesthetist I felt I had to put my tuppence worth in re the epidural question. I'm expecting my first baby, and having seen numerous women have them and numerous women do perfectly well without, I am leaving my own desicion until I know what labour feels like to me.

Yes they sometimes don't work 100%, but mostly they provide women with a great deal of pain relief. You should still be able to move your legs, and feel where to push. And if you need an emergency caesarean it's already in and can be topped up.

The issue about prolonging labour is not proven to be cause and effect. Often it is the ladies who are experiencing a difficult, more painful labour who request/are recommend to consider an epidural. This doesn't necessarily mean that the epidural makes it longer, just that it might be one of those troublesome labours anyway.

If you want the facts look at www.oaa-anaes.ac.uk and click the "Information for mother's" bit where you can find down loadable info re pain relief, epidurals etc

vmcd28 - no point in blood running cold 5 years later - it might have been slightly different without epidural - eg my DS2's cord also round his neck, I gave birth standing up with no epidural - he came out quickly (DC3) and cord round neck and body wasn't apparent until his head was out.

But babies don't breath through mouth during birth so not actually strangling in conventional sense - just means cord had to be cut before rest of body is delivered. he was then given external oxygen and was fine.

If a CS is really necessary in crash situation and no epidural in place they would use a general anaesthetic.

I haven't read everyone's answers but here goes:

1. I had an epidural and it was wonderful. I had been in uncontrollable pain before then but afterwards I was able to sleep for 4 hours until I needed to push. As someone else said, it is no one else's business what pain relief you have, it is your decision.

2. You can refuse internal examinations. I had a sweep, which wasn't too bad, just uncomfortable rather than painful. Internals to checks how far I was dilated were absolutely fine. The only internal I would refuse if I went through this again would be a doctor/midwife breaking my waters. That was the most painful experience outside of active labour that I've ever had.

3. You have the basics. I would also say antibacterial hand gel, a decent hand moisturising cream, lots of maternity pads (I bled for 6 weeks afterwards, using about 4-5 pads a day), disposable breastpads (don't bother with the cheap supermarket ones, they are pants), disposable changing mats (when you are sleep-deprived and the baby had just pooed mid-change, they are great. Also good for nappy-free play), a large jug with a lid that you can keep filled with water on your bedside table, a few hooded baby towels and a baby gym so that you have somewhere safe to put the baby and don't feel guilty about them being bored while you have a nap!

Thank you to everyone who replied with their thoughts and experiences, its been very useful.

Haven't read all replies.

I had an early epidural. Had it about 2 hours after arriving at the hospital. Was in my birth plan as I have M.E./CFS and the consultant recommended one to minimise the amount of pain I felt as pain makes you more tired.

It was fantastic. Worked straight away, didn't feel a single contraction after I had it but I could still feel the pressure for when I needed to push. However I did have to have forceps but that was because DS was distressed and they couldn't find his heartrate. I also had a third degree tear and had to go to theatre to be stitched up. My labour was 11 and a half hours from waters breaking at 3.30am to DS born at 3.04pm.

I couldn't feel any of the internals because if the epidural, and I don't like them either.

ok, epidurals, the cons win every time! I know as I had one botched during my first labour.
The catheter went in too far and I had bad side effects that lasted for 2 weeks after the birth. (the last thing you need after giving birth is awful pain in your head and neck) I was lucky though, as I have read about people who have had lasting problems with mobility and pain after a botched epidural.
Saying that, I still had another one with my second baby because the pain was unbearable (back to back labour)

If you can, try to do it without as it is safer.