Previous miscarriage and being cautious

[anonMum2]

I'm just wondering how cautious you have to be if you have a toddler and pg again?

My history goes a bit like this - had 2 early miscarriages as I'm a busy bee constantly doing things round the house and at work even though I was feeling really sick with pregnancy. Had 2 miscarriages. The first one (11 weeks) actually happened within 20 hours of lifting drawers and tables(stupid me, I know). Second one(6 weeks) happened after I had a very long tiring walk during summer, I remember panting, having cramps that night and then miscarriage the following day. With my third pg, fortunately I was hit with extremely bad morning sickness from the word go(hospitalised 5 times) and couldn't even get out of bed, mother nature's way of telling me to stop I think, hence a successful pregnancy!

Now I have a tall and heavy toddler, who is in his terrible twos with lots of screaming and kicking, I'm not quite sure how worried I should be. Quite often I have to carry him as he's not quite 2 yet. Also, he's really rough, yesterday he crashed into me whilst I was working in the kitchen and a cupboard knob hit me with a sharp bang right on my lower abdomen. Other times when I'm sat down, he just jumps on top of me really hard. Sounds like I've got a rascal but he's normally well behaved, just these few weeks he seems to have gone a bit nuts. But even if he's well behaved, I'm still having to constantly lift a very heavy toddler all the time.

I've never heard any other second time mums mention things like that as they all seem to just cope, or not had miscarriages before, so hopefully can get some advise from MN. Thanks in advance.

I have had a couple of missed miscarriages. The first one I had, I started bleeding at 10 weeks after a long walk up a very steep hill. At first I blamed myself and the walk but then I later found out that the baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks but hadn't been 'passed' naturally. The walk probably just got things 'moving'.

They always say, when you have a miscarriage, that is VERY unlikely to be anything you have done. I would imagine your two miscarriages may have happened under similar circumstances as mine. The main reasons for miscarriage are either that the baby wasn't developing properly or that there was some kind of infection and in either case, if the pregnancy is not going to work out there is little you can do from preventing a miscarriage. Try not to worry. Like you say, plenty of pregnant mums have to deal with carrying their toddlers or dodging boisterous running about and go on to have healthy and successful pregnancies. Your body does provide a certain amount of protection against the rigours of daily life.

I wouldn't worry too much, but is there any chance you can start teaching your LO that he needs to be more careful with Mummy?

Make sure when you lift him that you use your knees and legs, not your back. I think the biggest issue with lifting stuff whilst pregnant is that it's so easy to injure yourself when your ligaments are softer.

I second what the others have said.

Re carrying your DS, I would start telling him he is growing too big and heavy now for you to carry everywhere. (Don't say it's because of the baby as you don't want him to get resentful - make it sound like it's about him growing up and being a "big boy" now). This has worked with my DS; he has now started telling me off if I pick him up - mummy you can't lift me I'm too big!

Re him kicking, climbing on and bumping into you, I have had quite a lot of this and no ill effects on DC2 so far. Having posted on here in a panic, I have been reassured that DC2 is very well cushioned! Again I would start telling DS gently that he must be careful - and try to do it in a way that doesn't make him resentful of the new baby, maybe just explaining he is hurting mummy and must be gentle / careful.

Thank you all for your advice. It's very reassuring to hear that it may not actually be what I did that caused the miscarriages, as I have always blamed myself and doctors never found out what happened.

Yes, I certainly need to ask DS to be gentle with mummy now. Getting him to walk and do the stairs on his own is going to be a challenge, I'll definitely try the 'big boy' talk! Thank you very much.

I don't think it would be the carrying that caused the mcs - you were just very unlucky to have 2, so you mustn't blame yourself or worry too much about lifting DS, although it might start causing you back problems! I think you should be quite strict about the jumping on you, because that's not great anyway, and perhaps heap loads of praise on him for walking up the stairs on his own, etc.