Partners Mum - Am i being Over-Sensitive

[storminabuttercup]

As some of you will know from other posts ive not had the easiest of times lately - i have hyperemisis, i'm on my third uti, had blood infection and shocking dizzy spells.

Now my Partners mum is driving me mad - i am now 27+1 and i feel like she is trying to make out i am making all this up. I dont see her often but she will say - how are you? and if for any min i say im not well she will say 'we've all been there - we just have to get on with it' Hence since i was about 3 months if she asks - i say 'Fine thanks' its easier.

However when i ended up in hospital my OH told her about it and apparently - he wont give me too much detail - she said the same again. He is normally really helpful but after spending time with her he comes home and says things like 'you know that this is all normal pregnancy stuff' This causes a row.

I'm at the point where its really upsetting me - but i cant say anything. She suffers with her nerves and confidence and he will say, she says things because she's nervous. last year i miscarried and we couldnt tell her - because it would upset her. I'm treading on eggshells, yes i'm more worried than anything that any of this illness could harm the baby, and her comments are not helping.

Am i taking this to heart too much? If it was my mum - i would say something, but i cant, he wont, do i grin and bear it?

I feel annoyed for you! Do you have some kind of ante-natal group you are part of? Perhaps you could make her go along with you, having briefed your antenatal chums- and they can all regale her with how different all of their pregnancies are and how support from relatives is very important.

Sensitive-hmm, give them all a taste of their own medicine and develop some pregnancy sensitiveness of your own....

I would definitely say something. I did to my Mum who was trying the "well we've all been there and you just have to get on (without medications)". Pointed out that if I can't stay hydrated or keep nutrients down, both me and the baby are at risk and it shut her up!

thanks for all the replies guys

didnt manage to get on friday or yesterday as was in a&e friday and bed yesterday - i've now managed to also pull a muscle, (such a div)and i have a stomach bug. grrrr!

anyways - oh had a 'chat' with mum to say that she was upsetting me and to keep her comments to herself if she doesnt have anything useful to say, i havent seen her and probably wont for weeks now anyway. it did have to be said as i am now signed off by the doc for another MONTH!! Did mention to doc that people seem to think im playing up my illnesses, she said 'thats because some people are stupid, im a doc and you are ill - ignore them and rest' which made me feel better.

thanks for all the advice - and support its nice to know i'm not the only one who would be peeved at her.

i also now have a plan for the next time she makes a daft comment so all is well in the world!

Poor thing Storm! Do rest and feel better. I feel so angry and annoyed on your behalf over the comments also, and also with your DP if he starts to doubt you based on something someone who is NOT going thru it says! Suffers with nerves and confidence my arse. I agree, people like that turn the world upside down so that you have to walk on eggshells around them, yet are spectacularly insiensitive, crass and 'orrible.

Every pregnancy is different and the 'it is normal' crap gets right up my nose. Yep, lots of people have other sorts of issues too (heart attacks come to mind). Does not mean that they are making a big deal outta nothing either.

Was attracted to this thread after an horrific day with ILs, but your MILs comments have irritated me more (I'm in the mood for it now...).

I was horribly sick (and fainting) for seven of the months of my pregnancy with ds1, and really thought that everybody else must be really stoical not to admit to suffering badly in pregnancy, so I tried to make light of it. Now, at 23 weeks into this pregnancy, I have had a much much easier ride, only sick for about six weeks, only fainting twice, generally feeling quite normal. I realise that actually, this is many women's 'normal' experience of pregnancy. If this is what they've been through, I think sometimes they just assume that others in your position are making a meal of it, when in fact, you are going through a lot more. You can't make them understand that without sounding like a martyr though!

MIL's sorry

My MIL (and FI for that matter!) was the same, she just couldn't understand why we weren't making the 6 hour round trip car journey in the full heat of summer to see them. She hinted to DP that I was really overplaying it , so in the end we just gave in and went.

I spent the three hour journey vomiting into a bucket, sipping water then vomiting it up, and on arrival handed her the bucket and went straight to the bathroom where I stayed for most of the day.

She was a bit more sympathetic then!

storminabuttercup you poor thing! When I read posts like yours I'm grateful a) never to have had hyperemesis and b) that however I moan about my PIL (esp. MIL), other people have it worse.

Agree with what others have said really. Frail old lady card being played, your OH should be supporting you, and if she's not stood up to it will only be worse when your baby arrives.

If she's that frail etc then perhaps she's not rational and sensible enough to really know what she's on about?

Good luck!

Ladies - i just had to update and give you the latest on this.

So Doc signed me off for at least 4 weeks, as she felt i needed the rest and was concerned with the passing out etc, also the reccuring UTIs

Back at hospital this week - i now have been told i prob have CTS yet another UTI and to top it off my HG has made a subtle reapearance - so basically i feel Sh*te!

Anyway - MILtobe sends me a text.

'Glad to hear that all is ok with you and that you are feeling better now - look after the baby, speak soon, goodnight' i assume this was sent last night

Now WTF?? She appears to have changed tact - lets all pretend that Storminabuttercup is actually perfectly well now....

Its like some pyscological torture

i'm so tempted to reply saying 'WTF are you talking about? if you dont have anything sensible to say - dont say anything'

GRRRRR

OMG!!!!!!!!!

She really takes the .

DELETE the message. IGNORE her until she has something more useful to say.

Lots of sympathy to you, take care of yourself. x

storm she obviously lives on her own **ing planet - sorry your HG is back, mine is too, at least you got signed off again. Hope you feel better soon

Jacks - thats what i've done - i have spoke to OH - made it clear i am not impressed and i will continue to ignore her texts....

last week apparently we had a 'why doesnt storm like me' moment

only just found out about this - so with my raging hormones ive said to tell her 'too right i dont like her, she is rude and inconsiderate and really pissing me off'

lol

Only 11 weeks to go then she can stick her nose into how i bring my child up! :-)

Im signed off work too. Have been off since 22 weeks. I have a couple of probs that wont ease up and to top it off bp has decided to bottom out and stay low. Anyway find the whole situation so frustrating and some people just so ignorant! My last 2 pregnancies were fine - run of the mill with the usual ups and downs. But there is nothing usual about this yet some women are totally 'oh I had that and just soldiered on!' I feel like screaming! I can barely get thru the day let alone work till the end. I dont know where some people get off thinking its a 'one size fits all' experience. I even had one person hint that doctors are gone soft these days and just covering themselves!!

At least these people are the general public - having to deal with it in your family is a pain in the a** esp when it is an issue between you and DP at a time when you most need support. Think DP has to sort it tho its his mum after all. That said I think that you will have to accept she is a bit batty and learn to tune her out. Normally a reasonable conversation would sort these things out but some people are just incapable of seeing things differently and are just not reasonable. I tend to have an 'ally mcbeal' moment when my mum goes off on one. Its so much easier. Arguing with her only feeds into her little dramas.

Good luck

I agree with most of the comments above, my friend is in her second pregnancy, the first was easy and she had no problems worked till the end, but the second she is only 3 months in and really struggling already! Every pregnancy is different, every woman is different your MIL should be supporting you not criticising and they both should be taking Hyperemesis seriously as agedknees says!
I know its hard but you have enough to think about with the baby try to ignore her and rise above it, glad you have your bezzy to help you and goodluck with the rest of your pregnancy x

Thanks Guys

Yesterday i was so worked up - but after a good shout and cry at DP - i realised its not worth it - shes not worth it.

Ive decided to ignore all texts and if she says anything like this to my face i will put her straight, no more mrs nice guy.

DP is aware of my stance on this and i feel he will put a stop to it - but he knows how i feel

whats mad is it must be 5 weeks since i last saw her - and shes still driving me mad lol

Sensitive my eye! People like this are just passive-aggressive bullies. I bet you if you pulled her up on any of her daft comments she would burst into tears and be all 'hurt'. My mother wrote the textbook on this kind of ridiculous behaviour.

Only thing to do is to pull her up on her bevaviour once, and say you do not want to discuss it again. So, if she goes on about your morning sickness, just say 'I am feeling ill, but as you don't seem to be interesting in understanding things f rom my point of view, it is best that we don't discuss it any more'. Then if she tried to mention it again (and she will) just say 'sorry, we will just not discuss it'. It is the only thing that will work to save your sanity.

Thing is, you need your DP to be more on your side. Not coming home with a load of crappy comments from his mother, and then saying you can't say anything to her due to this stupid 'sensitivity'. he is bang out of order actually. Show him this thread and say he needs to be mroe supportive of you, not pander to his mother's immature behaviour.

GetOrfMoiLand - you are right. tbh DP is just toooooo laid back. But i think i hit home yesterday when i said i dont feel angry i feel let down and upset by him

shall see how it goes....

its just great to know that people understand me and dont think im just being stuck up! x

Lol at 'stuck up'. My mother, when I started to refuse to listen to her silly passive agressive crap, would call me a 'snob' for not listening to her. Ha!

I dont know where that came from - just couldnt think of a better word.

I think its because she is, how can i put it.... thick?