How do you deal with work guilt when you have problems in pregnancy?

[Bumperliouzzzzzz]

I have had a catalogue of problems this pregnancy, early bleeding, 4 months of morning sickness, insomnia, and now possible SPD and carpal tunnel syndrome.

I was signed off for one week when I was about 3 months as I hadn't slept properly since about 6 weeks. Still not actually, but now it is not insomnia as such, but more down to being so uncomfortable, I have calf cramps, muscular/nerve pain in my thighs and carpal tunnel at night which are all conspiring to keep me awake. I have had a few other days off sick, maybe 2 or 3, because when I have a REALLY bad night after so long a period of bad sleeping I tend to get a bit hysterical and delirious. To help with this I have been put onto medically reduced hours, usually I work 8.5 hours 4 days a week but they have said I can do between 6 and 8, which is great and has helped.

I went to the GP today on the advice of my midwife to get some strong pain killers which may help me sleep and the GP just said 'do you want a week off' and I umm and ahhhed and said I feel really bad as I am already on reduced hours. She said to take a week off, take the pain killers try and get some sleep, do not very much (difficult when we are moving in a month!). In the end she has signed me off for just two days as I don't work Fridays and it's a long weekend.

The thing is I feel such a lot of guilt over work. No one has said anything, well they can't anyway (not that it stops them usually) but I just feel like a complete burden, and there is the feeling that being pg is 'my choice' - not that I even concur with that argument, but I know that is the attitude a lot of people have.

I was just wondering how other people felt when they have had to take time off. Everyone seems to know someone who sailed through pregnancy which doesn't help, but I hate being pregnant and it just seems to make my body systematically fall apart, and makes me really miserable to the point where I think some really unsayable things, but it is just down to lack of sleep, it impedes my ability to cope with everything else.

I'm worried everyone is thinking badly of me, that I am a burden to my boss and my organisation. I also feel bad for my husband as he never gets to be ill or tired as my feeling bad trumps his. Argh, the guilt, it's eating me alive! I just need to know it is ok, and I have a right to be pg and can't help feeling the way I do.

I understand it to be you work p/t but paid f/t or whatever fits your situation.

I've had three days sick leave with morning sickness and a half day off for my first scan (I'm only 12 weeks) and my female boss, mother of one, has been a nightmare. When I called in she was stroppy with me, and kept asking questions as if she didn't believe me and was trying to catch me out. If work friends ask how I feel, and i don't feel good - boss will chime in with "well you made this choice".

I feel so guilty when I'm off too, so much so that I feel worse. Now I go in, even if it means running to the toilet every five minutes and sneaking off at lunch for a nap. The argument that I did this to myself makes my blood boil.

I wish I had some insight on how I deal with work guilt, but sadly I don't. I just wanted to have a little moan.

Awwww ToriM that's rubbish. Feel free to have a little moan, or a big one in fact. IME managers often get away with little digs and snidey comments and are rarely challenged. How about having a proper meeting with her to discuss the situation, to tell her how you are feeling (not a moan, just to say you are committed to working as hard as you can as always, however, yours and your babies health must come first and you are sure she would support this- she'd be a very very mean person not to agree with this). It might of course make no difference, but at least you will feel better you have tried. You might want to take a colleague in with you for support too. Does she have children? If so she should totally understand, if not then maybe this is why she is being difficult? Anyway, just an idea... sorry for waffling.
Hope it gets better whatever you do. x