Finding out sex at 20wk scan - did you / will you tell your DCs?

[Jacksmybaby]

I have my 20 week scan on Friday for DC2. I have one DS aged 3.4 (will be 3.8 when DC2 arrives). I'm hoping we will find out the sex of DC2 on Fri but wondering whether to tell DS if we do.

Reasons for: talking about his little brother/sister will really help him to visualise, understand and get excited about it all, I think.

Reasons against: if the sonographer has got it wrong, I think he will take it very badly when DC2 arrives. I'm not sure he's really capable of understanding that there's a small chance it might not be what we think it is. I can imagine him wanting to send back the baby (yes I know there's a chance he will do this anyway!!) because he thinks we've been given the wrong one!!

Just wondering what others have done / will do / think about this?

I found out with number one and intend if poss to find out again.
However my DD is almost 3 and we haven't told her about the baby and have also requested family don't mention it to her. Wouldn't know where to start telling her if something goes wrong. I know we will have to tell her at some point but want to wait till much later. And when we do tell her we won't mention sex, that can be her suprise.

We found out about baby due next week. The sonographer was fairly sure but still some room for doubt. I've only bought one/two thjngs in that colour and kept the tags on just in case!

We didn't want to tell anyone and so haven't told DD (3 on Thursday) either, there's no way she could keep it secret! However early on in pregnancy we read 'spots baby sister', she is now convinced baby is a baby sister and tells anyone who will listen!!

Thanks nunnie. So will you not tell her the sex (when you do tell her about the baby) because you think it will make it harder for her if something were to go wrong with the pg / baby if she knows what sex it is, or because you want it to be a surprise for her (or both)? (Sorry if personal qu).

I didn't find out, but if I did I wouldn't tell anyone - including other family members (except DH).

No-one NEEDS to know - if they did nature would have done the job of a sonographer and made see-through women.

And I wouldn't second guess the reaction of a 3 yo, either.

Thanks Tobermory. We want to tell everyone else, but I can see that if you didn't then you would need to keep it from young DCs! We didn't tell DS about the baby until after 13wk scan for this reason.

BleachedWhale I agree no-one needs to know but I want to know and I want everyone else to know too!
Wise words re second guessing.

Hey Jacks we found out (as you know!) mostly for DD's benefit, she will be 3 a week before LO arrives and several people have already said to her "would you like a little brother or sister" I would hate her to think she has a choice and then get upset when she doesn't get what she wants.

Not personal question at all, I don't know really, just think it will be a nice suprise for her when it comes as to whether it is a brother or sister.

I wouldn't tell ds - I've heard of the sonographer getting it wrong too many times!!

Thanks for all the replies. I am leaning towards telling him I think but still v interested to hear other thoughts!

just wanted to put my experience in, i found out with both DD2 and DD3 (currently 37 weeks with DD3), and luckily the scan was correct about gender. i told DD1 that she was having a baby sister, and she was 18months when i gave birth to her little sister, she understood the concept and loved it, even helped me name her sister. this time around i told DD1 and DD2 that we were going to have another baby, and we told them the gender as soon as we knew. again DD1 named the baby, even before we knew the gender this time!

Thanks kt.

DS's suggestions for names so far have been:

1.Edie McCredie (his favourite tv character!)
2.Janey-babes (what my step-dad calls my mum!)
3.Bernard
4.Mildred (??! No idea why the last 2!! I think they might be DH's idea of a joke!)
5.DS's own name, or mine or DH's name.

So maybe we won't give him the final say on names!

p.s. not to offend anyone who has named their DCs Bernard or Mildred... they are just slightly random suggestions for a 3yo to come out with!

I understand your point about the name thing, my DD likes Humphrey off gigglebiz, and while I quite like it my hubby is not overly happy with it. She also has a habit of calling a spade a spade, she has two teddies called monkey and elephant, her doll is called dolly etc. If I asked her for names for a baby, I think it would just be baby.

Think we may ask her when we tell her about the pregnancy for name inputs for both sexes, and if we aren't keen, we will tell her they were gone, someone else took those names that day, or something similar so as not to offend.

Good idea nunnie.

This is EXACTLY what I was thinking about today - what if sonographer gets it wrong. I think I am going to wait and see exactly how sure they are on the day - ie. if they are not 100% (ish) sure then we won't tell anyone, incl. DS. If they are extremely sure (like they were with DS), then we will go ahead and tell him.

If you tell ANYONE else, then you have to tell him because people will just blurt it out, or he will pick up on your conversations (my midwife told DS about the baby in the first place, I was like "er, I haven't told him yet", grrr!).

Good luck with the scan, mine is in about 10 days.

My midwife asked me if I was planning on telling DD and when, I said as late in as possible, so hope she hasn't forgotten, as my DD comes to appointments with me

Good luck with the scan, hope you get some good useable names of your little man

I agree it might depend on how sure they are, DG. With DS they basically said we're not allowed to say we're certain but that's either a boy or a girl with a willy .

DS1 will be 3.2/3.3yo depending on when the baby is born, but we told him he's getting a little brother. It was difficult when discussing clothing with family and friends when DS1 was around not to mention the gender. We don't mind him knowing and it's more likely a sonographer would get the gender wrong if they thought it was a girl then it turns out to be a boy - not vice versa. So no worries there really.

DS1 was a suprise at the birth, we didn't want to know the first time but found out the second time for practical reasons. Seven weeks to go...

I am going to find out the sex if baby will play nice and let us see, I would love to tell DD who is 8 in September but I know she would blab to my mum who has firmly pointed out she does not want to know til its here

We found out and told DS; he was very insistent that he was having a little sister so if it had turned out to be a boy I would have wanted the second half of the pregnancy to talk him around.