Newbie: Hurtful comments from people

[KelBel13]

Hi Everyone,

First, a quick introduction. I'm a newbie and I only joined today. I heard about this site in a book I'm reading called The Baby Diaries by Tess Daly. So I thought I'd come along and check it out.

Im 16 weeks and 3 days pregnant and feel that being a Mummy is something I have wanted for so so long! The only problem is, some people and certain ''friends'' have been making some very hurtful comments.

My partner and I havent been together for what most people would consider 'ages' but we're madly in love and know it feels right. Having a baby together is something we both wanted very much. When we announced the pregnancy many people reacted with shock rather than delight for us and said things like ''Ooops, I take it that was an accident??'' or ''Was it planned? Its a bit soon''. I spent so many evenings crying on the sofa as these comments really upset me.
Have other people experienced this?
Am I over-reacting?

My partner seems to be able to just take it on the chin and not let it affect him. But I'm furious that people think they have the right to ask such rude, intrusive and hurtful questions!

I think you're completely entitled simply to tell people to mind their own business. Honestly, don't let it spoil your excitement!

I have had this; was together with my now husband for just a few months when we decided/just knew we should have a baby together. The comments are annoying, but it depends on how you deal with them.
12 years later and 3 kids later; with another on the way, we have shut up all the 'was it an accident' brigade who have come to realise we just like shagging..
Try not to let comments get to you; either that or you could start questioning them about their sex life, which is pretty much what they're doing. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Hi there,
I'm in a similar position, I met my DP in July last year having just split up from my husband of 12 years in the Feb. I had no intention of getting into another serious relationship but met someone that I had so much in common with and who I enjoyed spending time with that within 2 months we had been on holiday together and decided that we wanted to live together.
As I knew I had PCOS and had not been able to have children with my ex we also decided that we would start trying for children fully expecting it not to happen for a while if at all without assistance.
Anyway by the November I was pg; unfortunately had a miscarriage but am now 23 wks and both of us are delighted
All of my close friends and family know how much we both want this baby and are fully supportive and they are the people I care about.
I know there are others who think it must have been a mistake and some people have asked - Those that ask I tell that it was planned and how happy I am and those that don't ask are not that close so I don't really care what they think. TBH I find it quite amusing; I know that if it wasn't happening to me and I was being told about it I would think that I was mad - bit maybe that says something about how judgemental I can be

Anyway - just wanted to let you know you are not alone - be happy that you and your DP are happy and ignore everyone else, their opinions don't count!

Congratulations!

Don't let it bother you! Before long I can guarantee you will be able to spot those people who cross the road to give you the benefit of their opinion on everything from epidurals to breastfeeding to working mothers... you name it.

When I was pg with dd1 loads of people asked if it was an accident and we had been married 8 years. And when we got married, loads of people asked if I was pg... I think people just say really stupid things!

We have been together 7.5 years and married for three. My brother in law's first reaction on hearing our news (literally the first thing he said) was "was it planned?". %^&*£$

My husband's best mate did this too.

Until you're pregnant I don't think people realise what an offensive comment this is.

x

Hi,

I agree with what the others say - people just feel they have a right to comment on your circumstances. We got pregnant the month after our wedding and almost everyone gave us a nod and a wink and said - that didn't take you long did it. They'd have been quizzing us when we were going to start if we'd have waited a year.
I don;t think you owe anyone an explanation. Congratulations anyway!

After being pregnant and unmarried with dp, I would never dream of saying 'was it planned' to someone. I got asked so many times, and every time it made me cross. Cannot understand the cheek of some people. Wonder all you like but don't ask!

Married dp and when pg second time still got asked 'was it planned?'. Was a bit shocked!

it doesnt matter how long you've been together or how old you are people will always think they have a right to comment on your pregnancy. for example -

my parents have been married 24 (i think!) years, have known each other since they were 12. they had 4 adult children and decided the family wasnt complete and went on to have 2 more children who are now 3 and just over a week ( i'm a very proud sister!)
4 years ago when my mum announced she was pregnant we (the 4 adult children) were very excited and looking forward to the arrival of the baby, and again 9 months ago when my mum announced she was pregnant we were all very excited and love our new sister very very much.

my parents have never claimed anything off the state (Disclaimer - there is nothing wrong with claiming benifits but, i think, this is relevent in this case) and have worked very hard to own their house and every thing they have.

people still felt it was their place to assk if it was planned, to tell my mum (who is only 43) she is too old to be having children and surely they had enough now as who is going to support them if my parent die (umm, none of your business but if you really want to know the 4 adult children they already have!?!)

anyway sorry about the mini rant, but just to re-assure you, no matter what your situation is these people will always comment. let it wash over you and ignore them. i know thats not easy, but its something you have to lern as it only gets worse as (others have said) the stranger in tesco thinks she will have the right to comment on your parenting skills.

congrats on the pregnancy

Thank you so much everybody for all your support, personal stories and kind words.

It means such a lot to know that I'm not the only person in this position. And now I know other people have felt the same, I know its not just me going crazy!

I will definitely try to toughen up though, as many of you are right....there will be much more of this to come and I need to be prepared for all the comments once baby is born!

My husband and I announced our pregnancy after the Xmas holidays. During the holidays we had travelled together and I had then travelled alone to Japan whilst DH went back to work (mistake travelling to a country where you can't eat prawns, but that aside!). Anyway, we both went back to work and DH told colleagues that I am pregnant - their response was to question if it was HIS as I had been in Japan alone! Er...I mean, they all mean it as a light hearted joke but really!

At 34 weeks I have learnt to adopt a vacant look when proffered information from anyone other than real friends. One woman continues to give me advice in the staff room - the other day a friend came to rescue me as she warbler on oblivious to the fact that she was talking to the other side of a raised broaddheet newspaper!
All I can hope is not to become her myself once I am a Mummy and know it all.