Should I tell my boss?

[yellowflowers]

Ten week today and scan in just over a week. However my boss has emailed round asking me to confirm the budget we need for extra staff next year and I feel I should tell her now as obv me having a year off will change this budget. I was planning to tell her straight after the scan but I now feel that just saying yes, she is right about cover needed this week then next week telling her actually I'm pregnant, while legally okay, isn't so morally right. Not helped by fact she isn't always very nice to me. But I think it will make her life easier (and therefore mine) if I tell her. On other hand, if pregnancy is not viable I am not sure that I want her to know.

Also if I tell her she will then have to tell her boss because of the budgetary implications - this means though that lots of people end up knowing before I've even had scan.

Help... should I call her and tell her now or just agree the budget with her then throw spanner in works next week post scan (if all okay)?

Please help - I think I should tell her by this pm if I am going to tell her this week as otherwise I have to reply to her message.

I would tell her that she may want to include cover for mat leave in the budget but then ask her to keep it confidencial until you have had your scan, etc.

Many companies include an element of cover for the same reason when they do their budgets its comment sense.

Thanks Mrsweasley. Good plan but I am only permanent person in her team so not sure it'll work that way as then whoever reads her budget will know it is me. My dh says orgs have to have provision for maternity cover and therefore not to worry as they will have this whatever. So I guess it's more a goodwill thing if I do tell her.

Hi Congrats

I would tell my boss BUT I would insist on complete confidently. Yes she needs to tell her boss but can't she just say that one of the team rather than your name?

I wouldn't tell her yet - agree with your dh

Would tell (and told my boss at 8 weeks for similar reasons) but like mrspear I would insist on total confidentiallity.

Thank you - me and her are the only team members so that doesn't work mrspear plus I don't think she will keep it confidential. So I guess I will go with lal123 and my dh. After all, if it goes wrong then I'd then have to tell her immediately and that would be pretty rubbish. I guess some women don't even know by this stage in which case she wouldn't have to know at all. Plus my due date is Dec and until I have had chat with HR I don't know when I will want to work until anyway, so telling her probably won't make a difference. And I am ridiculously worried about tempting fate by telling her which is silly I know but I think I would feel bad.

yes, it would be goodwill on your part, you don't have to tell her. A lot of people don't tell until after the scan at 12 weeks, i didn't. Although, do you want to go back to your job after the baby is born? If so, you might want to keep on good terms with your boss. Especially if you would want to negiotiate flexible working patterns.

I told my boss before the scan, and told her to keep it quiet thinking it was good will after i told her half the office found out as well! (wasn't happy) but i agree with sara that you need to keep on good terms with her so when you do tell her. I know what you mean by tempting fate I was the same

Hi yellowflowers,

I think even 12 weeks is considered to be quite early to tell the boss. I asked this question on this forum and the general consensus was to leave it a bit later - see link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/962276-When-to-tell-work

I know that doesn't answer your question about the budget decision, but if you were to wait until your 20 week scan at least that would put a bit of distance between you ok-ing the budget and announcing your pregnancy.

And as your DH says, there should be some contingency in the budget for such things. I don't think you should feel pressured to tell them if you would feel happier waiting for your scans.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Ah, if you can't trust your boss to keep it quiet then don't tell. I know I can rely on my to keep things like this to himself.

thanks all. right, I will keep it quiet but will tell her post scan/ That's an interesting thread pixiecake. x

I wouldn't tell either. I drew up my dept budget the other week knowing I was pregnant and happily put in chargeable hours for early 2011 knowing that if things work out I won't be there, but I don't feel bad about that and don't expect my head of dept to say anything negative about that at all.

I agree with pixiecake, don't feel pressured into telling them yet, it's only a budget after all and budgets change as circumstances change.

sorry yellowflowers - cross posted with you deciding what to do must learn to type quicker!

good plan Clairedeloon - plus the org I work for is big so this must happen all the time. x

If you know she wont keep it to herself then simply dont say anything but please dont worry about it. Companies all over the world cope with unannounced pregnancies. TBH how many of us actually said to our bosses "oh btw we are trying for a baby, please have this in mind for next years budget!"

Sorry forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS in my first post.

Oh yes - congratulations yellowflowers!!

aw thanks both. Promised myself not to get excited until after scan but is difficult...

Congratulations. I felt under quite some pressure to tell my boss before I was ready to for various reasons, but I didn't give in to it as my feelings about keeping my pregnancy to myself until I felt confident enough about it were stronger. I only told one family member and a close friend before my 12 week scan, and that's what an awful lot of people also do- please remember you do not have to justify this to anyone whatsoever. The vast majority of people will understand that keeping pregnancy private until at least the 3 month stage is completely your right regardless of the circumstances and if they don't that really is too bad because it is!

I still get dilemmas about how my situation affects the organisation I work for (its quite complicated) but you have to keep it in perspective- you are far more important than your boss and her budgets in this scenario and they will understand why you kept quiet, it's your absolute right and completely normal and understandable. If I sound a bit lecturey forgive me, I just wish I'd taken my own advice a bit more in the early days!

I really hope your scan goes well. I was rigid with fear before mine but it blew my mind (in a good way!). All the best.

Thanks so much lelarose. I just spoke to my mum and she also persuaded me that there's no need to tell yet if I don;t want to, so just replied to the boss's email re budgets saying 'yes that looks right to me'.

Thanks everyone for your opinions.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but I would leave it as late as possible to tell because IME, everything changes as soon as you tell. You have to put yourself and your legal rights first. I told my boss in 'complete confidence', she immediately told HR and other senior managers and started putting plans in place for when I would be on maternity leave. Her priority is the business, yours are your family.
Sorry, just seen your last post - you have definitely done the right thing. Also it is so tiresome being asked every day about your pregnancy - put that off as long as possible!