Worried I won't be able to cope with baby

[Athrawes]

I am starting to get worried that I won't be able to manage. 33 weeks, no parents around from either side and in a new country (not the UK) without really close friends to call and say "help" and in a quite isolated spot so the usual ideas, like internet groceries and get a cleaner etc. don't seem to apply. I am worried that when it is just me and baby in the house I won't cope - won't eat, house will be a midden, baby will cry all the time. I need a mum!!!

You'll be fine!
Are you completely on your own or do you have a dh/partner?

How isolated? Unless you are literally miles from civilisation, you shd still be able to find a cleaner. In fact, in rural areas it's often easier as there are fewer alternative job options for people who want a few flexible hours.

Maybe post this on the overseas forum and say which country it is as there's bound to be someone who can advise you.

I find babies are a year of hard labour - and then things start feeling more manageable.

Why not agree with yourself that it's ok for the house not to be great/ you to be a bit of a mess for this time? Consider it like a holiday from your every day life, and take up some self indulgent hobbies: playing video games (in the middle of the night, during endless feeds, natch) or long walks/drives/days out (baby needs fresh air - natch) or hanging out gossiping at coffee mornings and church fetes (meeting other mums - natch) (or endless MN - parenting advice - natch)

Best baby advice I had was from my mum: if your child is one day older, that's good enough.

You will cope. It would be nice to have a mum round the corner to rescue you, but you will cope. Try not to think about how nice it would be to have x y & z that you can't/don't have - therein lies the path to madness.

Don't forget plenty of people also don't have a useful family close by. It is harder though when you're abroad and that does present a host of further challenges.

I have had 4 kids in 3 different countries so I empathise. Also no useful shopping delivery (though I think where I am now it is possible but no longer encessary).

It's hard to learn all the different systems. Is your dh british or local? Do you have friends or an info point to make sure you know exactly what you should be doing and also point you in the right direction of getting as much help as you can get and post natal support.

Do you speak the local language? Can you join mum & baby groups? thte fact that my 4 kids are still alive and kicking is testament to the fact that it is possible to do. It'll be ok. Is there a mumsnet group in your area? Even if not for RL support, at least people who are in the know for local info?

i had my first two children in fair isolation, with no parents or much civilisation around me, and no money to afford help around the house. it was very hard, but make sure you accept any offer of help, ask your doctor if there are any local mum and baby groups, do you have a health visitor or equivelent where you are? they should be a wealth of information for support and meeting other people in similar positions

I had no help from family when I had dd, the only people I knew where we were had babies the same age, so in no position to help, and dh worked very long hours - I was generally alone with DD 4 days a week from7-midnight and for a normal working day the rest of the week. we couldn't afford a cleaner.
It was fine, the needs of a small baby are quite simple really - I find dealing with an emotional toddler much harder!

and if you don't get things done around the house then the world won't end. babies don't make much mess, and they don't move so as long as you've got a clean patch to put them down on the rest doesn't matter!

do you have a freezer? that old tip of cooking up a storm and freezing lots of good homecooked dishes - stews and lasagnes and that sort of thing ready to just defrost and heat up when you're having a bad day is a good one.

Also, getting out with a newborn can seem impossible until you do it - they seem to always be more content when you're out and about (which can be a bit frustrating when people comment on how good he/she is when in fact he/she's been screaming at you for the past few hours till you left the house!)

It isn`t that hard. You can do it. Just be organised if you can, think a few hours ahead and get stuff ready. also, especially in the first bit, no longer think of your day as getting up in the morning, and going to sleep at bedtime. The day becomes divided into segments when the baby wakes and then feeds and eventually sleeps again. Try and sleep with the baby if you can ( I mean sleep when it sleeps)If you wear the baby in a sling, it frees up your hands to do chores and stuff and the baby enjoys it and settles. There might be other new mums in your community, I really recommend hooking up with them even if you have to travel.They are a tonic when things get hard because they are going through it all at the same time. And you have MN xx These are just ideas that helped me, good luck xx

Thanks everyone. I think that I am just having a bit of a panic as reality sets in. I have a DH who thankfully is happy to live on beans on toast for weeks if neccessary. Just being silly - but it is great to have MN on hand to be my standin mum for me. Thanks.