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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Feeling a bit rejected....

12 replies

jendaisy · 18/05/2010 00:15

I am 30 weeks today and DP hasn't wanted to come anywhere near me 'in that way' for about 3 months now. He feels totally wigged out by the fact that there is a little girl in my belly and says he would feel like a paedophile if he had sex with me! I do understand that it must be weird for him, but I really miss the closeness and I am also aware that I have over 2 months to go and it's not like we are going to be having a sex life for a fair while after the baby is born, as I will need time to heal etc, so I could be looking at at least 6 months with no action whatsoever! He is not prepared to compromise or even attempt it and just gets pissed off with me when I bring it up. It is very frustrating. Is anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
cece · 18/05/2010 00:19

LOL DH was like that with our first one! Then he experienced the drought after the birth.... For the second one he made sure he got some action before the birth!

MrsSawdust · 18/05/2010 01:35

Dh was exactly like this, for exactly the same reasons. And it took ages to get going again after the birth (at least 6 months before anywhere near normal).

I'm happy to report that everything is just tickty boo now

My advice is to accept it and help yourself out. This too shall pass.

ktwiltshire · 18/05/2010 07:47

^ yeah i agree, sort out the frustration yourself. you have no reason to feel rejected, its not you hes rejecting, a lot of men find the thought of sex with a pregnat woman (esp heavily/obviously pregnant) quite a turn off and off putting to say the least, its nothing personal!

i havent had sex with DH since 4 months pregnant because of hip problems its impossible to do it, so by the time were able to do it again, say 4-5months after baby is born (i know from experience that i have like 3-4month long bleeding after birth) its going to be almost a year, and thats frustrating to say the least for me as i have quite a high sex drive!

end of the day its really not personal, its nothing to do with you, its DHs problem, and a lot of men feel weird about it

skidoodly · 18/05/2010 07:54

Of course it's personal - how horrible for you.

As for feeling like a paedophile if he makes love to his pregnant wife - he sounds like a pervert.

Athrawes · 18/05/2010 08:41

Skidoodly - silly woman! Not helpful.
My DH is similarly freaked by sex with me at 33 weeks - we haven't done it since about 28 weeks I reckon. I did feel a bit rejected but know he loves me and jyst isn't all that into sex with a big lumping hippo whose belly prods and pokes with an alien inside. I think it was ok when the baby was less active but not now it is real! Lots of people seem to have more than one baby so I guess they must get back into the groove eventually!

Original poster
jendaisy · 18/05/2010 09:10

Thanks for your answers...glad it's not just me! I am just worried because when I had DD1 6 years ago things were the same with her dad and things never got back to normal, even a year after the birth he didn't want to come near me and in the end that's one of the reasons why we split up (oh and the fact he was a selfish, useless arsehole lol).

Mind you, maybe I should look on the bright side, I am so knackered and I have back pain and heartburn most of the time so if he wanted it I would probably be moaning even more! The grass is always greener and all that....

OP posts:
del1 · 19/05/2010 20:51

During my first, I thought we were fine. We were still ahving regular sex, I was horny, and felt sexy still.
Untill i found he had been looking at girls on the internet.
he then admitted that he didn't really like the idea of having sext whilst i was pregnant.
How deflated did i feel then!!
I am 35 weeks preggers with second - so we must have had sex since then!
But the same again, he hasn't come near me this time, and said he doesnt like the idea that there is a baby in the room with us !!??
So he's probably back on the internet.
Think I will start looking at fellas on there too, see how he likes it

MammyG · 19/05/2010 21:03

Hiya - its such taboo subject - at least he is talking to you and telling you properly how he feels.
We had big chat where I also said that if I were to really think of the baby and was very concious of it, it would affect my desire too but at the end of the day it was still me and some form of love making was not just important but vital to me. Esp as you get bigger and impending newborn looms. Its nice to just be intimate with your partner and remember what its like to just be the two of you. (make sense?)If its still and issue try everything but full on sex! If you are into oral he probably wont object! Also buy a little buzzy toy - you would be surprised at how he may not mind using that to help you along.

Ladyemmalou83 · 19/05/2010 21:29

I feel for you, I really do.

Im 35 1/2 weeks and DH hasnt been near me since the night we conceived. All the way up to 12 weeks it was 'waiting to make sure the scan was ok', which it was. Since then he just avoids the subject, or laughs it off. I too found out he was using the internet to meet his needs. I would just like a hug at night before going to sleep. He wont even kiss me 'passionatly' just incase I manage to get him to a point where he gives in (sorry if tmi).

I understand he obviously hasnt got his head round the fact that it is ok and safe (in most circumstances), but would just like it if he would talk to me about it, espec as were getting to a time where I could actually do with some 'action' iykwim.

legscrossed · 19/05/2010 21:44

maybe just do lots of 'other stuff' ?

My nan (86!!!!) advised me that her mum (mother to 13 and thats not counting the still borns) (sorry , all her own words)

anyway said ' dont ever stop 'having it' ,it helps the baby come, keeps things greased you know.

!!!!!!!!!

How prudish we seem to be now compared to then huh?

Anyhow, personally found it a very sexy time and from DP perspective it was an enjoyable challenge (!) and a 'different' time in our sex life to reflect back on.
(never intend to be pregnant again)

GlastonburyGoddess · 19/05/2010 21:48

I wouldnt take it personally. he obviously cant sperate the thought in his head that there is a baby in there. Is it penetration he is avoiding or anything intimate at all?

id say enjoy being intimate without penetration instead, eg massages, mutual masturbation etc

sometimes men funny creatures arent they, dp cant take his hands/eyes off me when im pregnant-nice to feel desirable but annoying when sex is too painful to even think about(spd) they cant win really

del1 · 19/05/2010 21:57

I was at the cheshire show the first time, and was about 7 months pregnant. about the time DH started to avoid sex.
This man followed us across the field, and said to DH ' don't you find pregnant women really sexy'.
I was made up, and DH just stood with his mouth open in shock LOL

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