Breast-feeding - feel free to share your own experiences

[Freeasabird58]

I am currently 17+3 weeks pregnant, and i have such a strong thought that I want to breast-feed. but here are my concerns:
(depending on the baby latching on right and all that)

1. being able to do it.
2. Having the confidence to do it.
3. feeling comfortable. (myself & around family & public)
4. Having the strength to not give up when times are hard.( especially the first 6-10 weeks..)

Also...

sounds really odd saying this, but did anyone feel worried that they won't feel "the bond straight away" and how the first contact with your baby feeding (having a baby sucking your boob 24/7!?)

i am sure im reading too much into it, as its something i really want to do.

Ditto Freeasabird, I m also 17+3 and want to breast feed. First timer though so no experience i can offer to help. My only thoughts on it are that if you put too much pressure on yourself for something to work out in one particular way, be it breast feeding or birth options etc and then things don't go to plan that's when failure can make you feel terrible/guilty etc. So my plan is to breastfeed but not to beat myself up if that's not what happens (that doesnt mean I will give up as soon as it gets hard though) just don't want to feel like a failure as a mother.

Thanks for the reply, Yeah i feel the same, bad habit of mine though is piling on the pressure which is completely unecessary!

I suppose where pregnancy/birth/after birth is so unpredictable, the trick is to just go with the flow, but i sometimes think you can't help but have a bit of preference & want things to go a certain way...

me too. first time mum, excited but nervous too. just hope that i'm a good mum too

I didn't feel any rush of love or any of that emotional gubbins - I was more of the "Woah, look, there's a baby!" ilk. It was a gradual thing - although I was very, very protective, looking back, I didn't notice it myself at them time, I really didn't think I was that bothered at first!

Despite that the baby feeding thing was fine, seemed fairly natural really. You get such a lovely oxytocin rush when you breastfeed, a really drowsy mellow feeling, that it's hard to not enjoy it once you're more confident

I think re your 4 points, all of these can be countered by A) knowing lots about how breastfeeding works and getting good sources of advice checked out before you have your baby, and B) being determined to do it.

Get yourself familiar with kellymom.com and ask lots of questions on here. As a MW said to me a few hours before DS's arrival, if you're determined to do it then you will - and in the vast majority of cases that is true

i didnt " feel the bond straight away" with any of mine. For me it grows with time. TBH they all felt like total strangers when they were born. Two were bf and one was bottle fed - didnt make any difference to how i felt about them ( though I was happier because Bf is much better for my health and the baby's)

Hi, congrats x

I went with the I'll do my very best to BF but if we struggle I'll not consider it a failure thought all the way through my first pregnancy last year (when secretly I was stubborn determined to do it)

I am so glad we worked our way through those awkward first weeks to get into a routine that worked for us both and there are breastfeeding groups locally that REALLY helped me, when he went through his growth spurt at 6 weeks and fed up to every 20 minutes I could go in bedraggled and they'd all have the same stories which reassured me. There were mums there whose babies fed every 4 hours and others who's fed as often as my boy (I have no science based facts to back this up but I swear your body is taught to cope with this and I very rarely felt tired)

For me it was the easy option, I had a boy who was happy to feed from me and I had two boobies at the right temperature ready for whenever he wanted a feed.....getting my boobs out for the first time in a cafe was a bit daunting but I soon got used to doing it discreetly!

Whatever's right for you and your baby is the way to go, I found the group supported you in whatever choice you make and they certainly didn't look down on the mums who went onto the bottle after weeks of trying and stressing out.

My local group was called Lullaby but have changed their name to baby cafe (I think this has been nationwide at sure start centres) so might be worth looking them up, they help mums to be too.

As for bonding straight away, I personally had a slippy little person put on me and yes I thought wow that's my baby but I feel the bond gets stronger over time and I didn't get the big rush people talk about.

All the help is there if you need it but listen to your own instincts and don't be afraid to question.

Hope that helps

x x x x

oh and good luck!!

To both of you - and I feel strongly about this so I hope it doesn't offend - I think you do need to put a degree of pressure on yourself to breastfeed. It is tough at times, and especially if you find yourself exhausted and surrounded by "helpful" people offering formula feeds, it is all too easy to find yourself formula feeding and then it's so, so hard to go back to breastfeeding. I felt that breastfeeding my baby successfully was much more important than whether I was stressed out by it or not. And no, it doesn't always work out for everyone, but in most cases with perseverance and support it does work out, and it is within your control to make it work. So don't fear a little bit of pressure, because there's every chance that you can do it

If you're that dead set on it then don't have any formula in the house... I felt so determined when I had ds that I didn't have any formula or bottles, so I couldn't be tempted. It is really hard, but the if you're prepared to accept that the first 6 weeks or so are the worst, and if you can get through that then you can get through anything.

1. of course you can do it, very few people genuinely can't.

2. Confidence is something that grows with time. Don't over think things at first, just get on with it and you'll find it becomes second nature. You will be all at sea at first, I know I was. Didn't have a clue, but you do get there in the end. I spent aaages on the phone to La Leche League and NCT bf advisors, plus I pestered the hospital BFC endlessly. But that's what they're there for, to answer your questions and help you. Don't be afraid to ask for advice, no question is too silly.

3. I felt terribly uncomfortable at first, I was all thumbs and terribly awkward, but again that's something that goes with time. If you're worried about exposing yourself, practice feeding in front of a mirror, you'll be surprised at how little you can see. Clever use of clothing really helps too. If I know I'm going to have to feed out in public I always try to put on a shirt with a vest underneath, that way you can unbutton a couple of your shirt buttons and pull up your vest to get access without displaying acres of tummy. Another top tip I got from a friend was to get a bump band and wear it if you're feeding out in public. I felt a lot more comfortable knowing no one could see my rolls of fat!

At the end of the day you can always move to a quieter part of the room if you're feeding in a crowded place, or turn your back on the room.

4. see my point above, I never had any formula in the house because I KNEW I would crack and I was determined to give bfing a good run.

I wasn't too worried about the bond, my main concern was learning to see my boobs as something to feed with. It may sound wierd but I'd only really seen them in a sexual context, and I have very sensitive nipples, so I was worried I'd feel inappropriate bfing ds, but don't worry, hormones take care of all that Seriously though, when it's YOUR baby, and YOU are feeding, it really does feel like the most natural thing in the world. And when you get in to the swing of things you really won't regret it. Never mind all the health benefits, it's just so darned convenient having a continuous supply of perfectly mixed, perfectly warmed, perfectly sterile, perfectly appropriate milk for your dc. No boiling water, no powder, no blooming sterilising bottles, it's totally liberating!

Yes OhExpletive- must agree on the "helpful" people, I had so many people saying well how do you know he's getting enough? and isn't it time he was on the bottle? well, I got him weighed weekly which told me he was getting plenty and the longer I could BF the better so I'd give them a polite nod and be on my way, BF has SO many benefits for mum and baby ans it really is so easy if you want to go anywhere, it's all ready and packed in your bra! x x

On points 1,2 and 3, it's just a case of practise making perfect. You can't really prepare yourself for feeling confident/ knowing how to do it. You can definately help yourself by knowing as much as possible about how bf works so do check out kellymom as suggested above, and ask any questions, however odd or insignificant that may seem, on here.

There are a couple of things that I wish I'd known about bfing before I started, which I will share with you if you don't mind...

Firstly, that newborns usually feed much more frequently than the 3 hourly intervals which are often talked about. It is vital to feed, feed, feed in the early days to help build your supply.

Secondly, if it hurts AT ALL seek help immediately. Don't brave it out, or think it will go away, seek out a BF counsellor or phone one of the bf helplines. In fact, that goes for any problems you may be having. Even if you're just having a bit of a bad day, they are staffed by lovely, knowledgable & helpful people who will give you a bit of moral support if nothing else.

Thirdly, set yourself short, easily acheivable targets. Just think about managing one day or one feed at a time. Every feed your baby gets is beneficial so if it ends up being for a few days or a few weeks you can still be proud of what you've done.

You are setting yourself up to succeed by asking these questions so early on so well done. Just remember that although it is natural, and will feel like the easiest thing in the world one day, it can be really hard at the beginning. There's lots of support out there so don't feel like you have to put a brave face on it- come on here for a moan, or phone a bf counsellor, or go to a breastfeeding group.

Good luck and congratulations

Agree with other posters,just focus on the fact that it is really rare to be actually unable to breastfeed.We are mammals,its what we do! I didn't even see a woman breastfeed until I was 14,I wasn't breastfed myself,and yet I really wanted to,so unsurprisingly I did.And am.Quite a few years later!You will be fine.Assume that,get help if things are tricky right at the start,and there you go.It will be lovely.

hello op -

i ebf dd now 7 months. i didnt have a clue what i was doing before she hatched. i had an fecking awful emcs (which is supposed to inhibit bf). dh was finally allowed to put dd on me for a cuddle and striaght away she started sucking away at my collar bone so dh just moved her down a bit and she latched straight on. i dunno if i felt the bond but it was so magical/bloody reassuring that even if i was a bit clueless, my 40 minute old baby new exactly what was what. it was as easy as that for me - i really hope it is for you!

meanwhile i can only be honest. bf hurts - you just have to stick with it as it does stop hurting eventually - promise. agree v much with other posters re being prepared to feed all the time. dont try and do much else for the first few days/weeks.

re feeding in public once you get over the initial awkwardness you will be popping dc on whenever/whereever without a second thought by the time he/she is a month old.

also agree with headfairy - don't buy any formula - never even occured to me to buy any - but if it comes to it dont make the decision to stop trying lightly - more than likely problems with bf can be overcome.

you can do it xx

I wanted to breastfeed with my DS1 - he is now 2yo. Bought breast pads, cushion support, nursing bras, nursing tops. Then tried many times but did not managed to actually feed even once. Milk wasn?t coming out, I couldn?t find the right position, everything was sore. Then we bought steriliser, bottles and formula and after around 6 weeks of trying, panicking, stressing and crying how crap mother I am, I made up my mind to give up with BF. When now I look back, I can see why I didn?t succeed ? my delivery was really difficult (long, assisted, with lots of stitches and long healing), my husband was working from early morning to late night, there was no family or friends to support, we stayed in a hospital for a week because of jaundice ? altogether it was too stressful already, and to switch to formula was the right decision for me which saved me from going insane.
I am pregnant with DC2 15+4 weeks and hoping (cannot say ?planning? anymore) to breastfeed. I feel much calmer this time and hopefully, I will manage to breastfeed at least for couple of months. I am not setting big goals to myself anymore. It is better to be ready for everything.

Can I just add to the excellent advice given here by headfairy and hairymelons and others, - get help BEFORE you give birth, go and make contact with the local breastfeeding support group, it does make a difference to have support.

I have breastfed all three of my children, the first was a nightmare, tongue-tie (not found until he was a couple of weeks old), given loads no unhelpful help in hospital where they forced my sons head towards the boob holding onto where he had bruising from the vontuse..... the list can go on, however I visited a breastfeeding councellor and went to breastfeeding support groups and too it literally one feed at a time. I even had problems with the health visitor forcing my dh to go a buy bottle and formula and bottle feed him at a week old, just because she said so (she stood and watched while we bottle fed him) - Turned out he was allergic to the formula milk and it caused us more problems than ever. I did not bond instantly with my first child, it was very difficult and I did not feel like he was mine for several months.

Anyway having my second child, was completely different, she fed within minutes of being born, like a complete pro. Nothing to do with me, just the way it was.

When I got to my third child I complacently thought , I know what I am doing here, but oh-no. This was not a natural feeder, I had difficulties culminating in getting mastitis and landing in hospital when he was 11 days old. But I pursevered, called up all my old breastfeeding support contacts, and managed to continue feeding him, he lasted the longest of my children, and was bf until he was 20 months old.

Breastfeeding is brillliant if you can pursevere with it.

Just one point - if you don't get any milk out while expressing - that is not unusual, I found it very difficult Babies are much more effective than any pump, so dont get fooled thinking that i have no milk coming out therefore i cant breastfeed. I never needed breastpads, I never leaked, I could never handsqueeze any milk out - but I was very able to breastfeed.

I hope you all get to enjoy the easiness of breastfeeding.

Some great advice, and I would echo what lots have said, you've really got to be quite bloody minded about it because it IS hard work and you WILL have people around you saying "just give them forumla"

My family and friends were very very supportive and were pretty much a 50/50 split of those who had BF and those that hadn't but ALL of them at one point or other said give him some formula, and Im sure they did this just out of love because I would sit crying with the pain sometimes and got so frustrated.

BUT as others have said, it does get better and once you get into it its the most rewarding thing ever. I went on to BF for 7months and am hoping to do same with this one too. Take any advice the midwives give you, use the breastfeeding hotline, phone a NCT breastfeeding specialist, do anything to give you the support that you'll need.

Just be prepared for it to take a little while and when you really really feel like you've given it your absolute best and it isn't for you, then don't feel bad about formula.

i struggled with DD at first (bless the little cherub, she just wanted to sleep)

but having help on hand and a determination to succeed did help.

I think also many people find that what they really struggle with is the baby - hormones and tiredness can make this a tough time regardless of feedig method.

Mumsnet is a good place to come and sound off if you are feeling low or need advice (though there is no substitute for help in person).

as others have said, research where you can get support from before the birth, so the info is ready and waiting if and when you need it.

I also agree with others that often a fair bit of single/bloody mindedness about it does help - I didn't consider it a possibility that dd would be ff, never looked at a bottle or formula or what you had to do with them.

we were in hospital for 5 days, with dd on a phototheraphy machine for jaundice, it was very very hard, but I just kept going and in the end it was so so worth it.

My cousin's DD was born with her stomach not connected to her oesophagus, she had to be in hospital for months and was tube fed, my cousin expressed bm for her to be tube fed all that time, and when her dd was 4m old and had had her operation to reconnect everything she started to bf her (they'd used a special dummy to maintain her suckling instinct)

Where there's a will there's a way!

(of course ff is not disasterous and if it saves your sanity is a positive thing, I don't want to offend, just offering some positive stories of overcoming difficulties)

toha555, I could have written your post! I was the same, was desperate to BF my son, but it just didnt work out. I had a horrible delivery, and was in so much pain "down below". Then the nipple pain/bruising and bleeding just got to the point where I knew that bottle was best for us. It worked beautifully, and he's the healthiest child we know.
SO, just to say, dont make hard and fast plans. Yes, you have to work hard at the breast feeding, but if you have additional problems/pains too, then it's easier said than done. And dont punish yourself if it doesnt work out as you'd planned.
Not meaning to be negative at all, so please dont read it that way. Just be open minded. Sometimes the pressure of "having" to BF makes you feel more of a failure if it isnt working out for you.

I think determination definitely helps! With dd1 I was clueless. She slept the whole first day, and I let her, as noone told me to do otherwise, then she woke up at night and screamed the place down, while I struggled to learn bf'ing on the spot!! To make matters worse, she was born on Hogmanay, so all the MWs were off partying down the hall, and none too keen to sit patiently and help me! But the next day a lovely MW took time to show me what was what. Just having someone saying "yes- that's right. You are doing it right" made a HUGE difference. But it hurt. And when I told MWs/ HVs that it hurt, they told me I must be doing it wrong, detatched (none too pleased!) baby and latched her back on, which resulted in fresh agony! I mean toe-curling, tears-in-your-eyes agony (sorry, but must be truthful!)

I was feeling pretty demotivated. The pain was worst immediately the baby latched on. A couple of days later I was speaking to a friend who successfully bf her 2 babies. She told me that it was painful, but to give it a couple of weeks, providing I wasm't getting cracked nipples etc. After 2wks the pain did subside hugely. I seemed to have very painful milk let-downs at first, nothing to do with poor positioning etc. After it became less painful, I loved bf'ing and was really glad I'd done it, as it was so easy!

As regards feeding in public etc, one of the best things I did was get myself a group of friends with babies of a similar age (via a postnatal exercise group), many of whom were bf'ing too- real safety in numbers, and great for support and advice. We are still friends 6 years later!

With dd2, I thought breast-feeding would be a breeze, but it still hurt like hell for the first 2wks!! Same with ds!! Definitely worth it, though!

Have BF ds1-3 and intend doing so with ds4 due end Oct.,

First thing and very important - relax.

Second thing, unless you have thrush on your nipples (which can happen!) there should be no pain or bleeding, and if there is, the baby is not latched on properly - the biggest problem with BF when you are new to it, seems to be latching - the baby should NOT be sucking the nipple! It should have the nipple right back in it's mouth, and should be sucking the aureola (sp?). If the baby is sucking on the wrong bit, don't pull away, this can bruise you, instead, pop your little finger in babies mouth to release the suction and try latching on again.

As for feeding in public, easy now as Mothercare etc have these tops with a built in belly cover(!) which allow discrete feeding and if you don't have any of those, a baby blanket draped over you will hide your modesty.

Don't know about the rest of the uk, but here in Scotland, it is now illegal to interfere with a breastfeeding woman, ie you can't be told to get off the bus/leave the cafe/get out of the cinema.

Good luck!

With DS I had read pretty much nothing about bf before he was born and had only really been to the NHS antenatal classes where it was briefly discussed. I was of the mind that if it worked it worked andi f it didn't it wouldn't be an issue. DH was extremely pro-bf and it was really his support which got and kept me going.

DS was jaundiced when he was born, so bf was initially tough. I expressed colostrum into a syringe initially and then expressed and cup fed him once my milk came in. He lost more than 10% of his body weight, so we were in hospital for 6 days.

Once we got home bf actually went quite well and the fact that he wouldn't take a bottle of expressed milk (at 6 weeks) really put pay to me feeding him any other way. I'm still bf him once/twice per day now (he's 2.3) and intend on tandem feeding once his sibling arrives (due in a week or so).

Ironically, I'm much more nervous about bf this time around and having read more I know the pitfalls. I'm hoping I'm as lucky as I was the first time around.

Public feeding- tbh I never got completely comfortable with it, but hope to be a bit more confident this time around (I only feed DS at home now).

like birth i think you should expect the unexpected. i had to give up BFing after two weeks after trying but then my nipples were bleeding and i had thrush on them. everytime he tried to latch on (even this was not successful) it felt like someone was stabbing me in the boobies. i was in tears and realised that i could not go on and i started to ff. i felt so rubbish about it and felt that i had failed in being a mum. he is now 19 months and you can't tell the difference from other kids.

i guess what i am trying to say is that you have to do what you feel is right and please don't feel pressured into what should be right. some people just can't do it.

I am due in a few weeks with DC2 and i will try again to BF but won't be so hard on myself if it does not work out again.

good luck!

This is a topic that people feel so strongly about you will (and have already) get lots of comments.

I was determined to breast feed my son, partly because my husband is asthmatic and has a lot of allergies and I want to help with that and just because I felt nothing can be better than what is naturally made for your baby. Since feeding him successfully I find I feel much more strongly pro-breastfeeding than before. As you may or may not know formula companies are not allowed to advertise for babies but get around it by advertising for toddlers. Check out adverts, lots of happy toddlers but at the end when feeding baby it's about 6months +1 day and is feeding from a bottle. Plus all TV programmes show bottle fed babies, making you feel its the norm and not helping those who want to breastfeed.

I felt I knew what I was doing and didn't want any help but had sore nipples in a few days, turning into large cracks resulting in thrush and mastitis so first piece of advice get help, even if you think you are doing the right thing get it checked!
My son fed within 30mins of being born and I asked for him to be placed straight onto my chest and I was naked when he was born, which is supposed to help.
I didn't get milk until 4 days after he was born but he was content with colestrum until then, which I know some babies aren't. When it came in it really came in and I leaked everywhere all the time! Looking back now I think that made latching harder, because my breasts were so hard it was difficult for him to get enough in his mouth. He was a milk monster and fed from both sides at every feed, which made it harder as I didn't really get a break. On the plus side because I was in a lot of discomfort I never used the breast to soothe my son and he only ever went to my breast to feed, I always tried everything else before I would feed him!
As others have said I never had formula in the house and although I tried didn't manage to express any milk until he was about 16 weeks, although I tried regularly.
I did feel the instant emotion when he was born and instantly loved him more than any other person but I did not enjoy breastfeeding to begin with. I did it because I felt it was best for my son and no other reason, it wasn't pleasant and certainly not the easy option. However, after 10 weeks it became the easiest thing ever, especially when out and about and as OhExpletive said I got that very relaxed feeling every time I fed him. He slept through the night from 14 weeks and fed regularly every 3 hours so not at all constantly on the breast as some babies are.

1. You will be able to do it and get help as soon as you think there is a problem. I was told recently only 3% of women actually medically can't breastfeed.

1. As above, get help if you are not sure and the confidence will come.

1. I didn't go out unless I was pretty certain I wouldn't have to feed until my son was 8 weeks because it took me so long to latch him and felt totally incompetant that I was mortified to have to feed him in public. After I healed and he knew what he was doing it was a few seconds of breast out before he was covering pretty much everything. I did feel self conscious but I hate to see babies under blankets or muslins while feeding, you wouldn't like to be hot and sweaty or unable to see what was going on when you eat why should babies, you really can't see a thing!

My uncle died when my son was 5 months old and when we got back to my Auntie's house I was gently unshered up to her bedroom and told you can feed him here if you like. So some people will have more of a problem with it than you will but I ust smiled and sat alone in the bedroom. 4.Only you know if you will have the strength or not, if you go into it determined and know that it doesn't mean you are a rubbish mum if you and your baby don't get the hang of it straight away you will be fine. For me the idea of not breastfeeding was much more upsetting than the pain breastfeeding caused and I am so glad I persisted as I really felt it helped us have a long term bond, it was the best nutrition for my son, saved me loads of money, helped me loose all my pregnancy weight and more, stopped me bleeding quickly and helps to prevent breast cancer in the future

I am hoping second time around it won't be as hard but I will still be as persistant, so should get there in the end! Good luck and sorry my post ended up quite so long!

hey op - hope all this is helping!

one bit of advice about feeding out and about - its all about cardigans! seriously those ones you can get now with a waterfall/hanky type hem are brilliant! you pop the baby on you lap and just flip the corner over his head/your boob.

nursing bras that undo from the top so you peel the cup down are also good as are stretchy spagetti strap vest tops to wear underneath everything (you can get them in primark for not many pounds)

failing all that, mothercare has big feeding rooms where you can go to feed when in town. no one will stare at you feeding in there - more likely admire the baby!

good luck!!

Ds I went with the attitude I would struggle and do it as long as I could. Struggled and just as I was about to give up it just got easier. After 6weeks bf was a lovely experience and ds self weaned at 2yr 9months

DD much easier I tried to remember that babies don't know how to attach and to be patient and that on ds it could take up to 10mins to attach and because I was calm and not panicking it would only take two minutes. Still feeding at 9mths

I was lucky and got the rush of love both times as soon as I saw them.