Friends wedding 7 weeks after our baby is due

[NoTeaForMe]

Hi,

Not sure that I am posting this is the right place so thought I'd try here!
As the title says my friends are getting married 7 weeks after my baby is due, we live in London and they are getting married in Cardiff. This is all happening a long way off, but am trying to get myself organised and like to plan things a bit! Anyway, I asked the bride (we are better friends with the groom) if the baby would be invited, and she kind of dodged the question so not sure where we stand!
Anyway, I have spoken to my parents about this in passing and they are happy to come to Cardiff and have a weekend away to look after the baby and then bring the baby to me whenever needed for me to breastfeed when necessary. I am not sure I quite got the dates right when I discussed this with my Mom. SO - to my question! All being well I will be breastfeeding my baby, how often do you breastfeed at 7-8 weeks old? Are you in enough of a routine that my parents can disappear with baby and then come back to me? Obviously this is all a back up plan and if we can take the baby to the wedding then that is what we will do.
Can you tell I'm a first-time Mom?!Thanks for your help!

IME at 7-8w I was BF pretty frequently (and randomly) still

yes frequent and random feeds - your pqarents would need to hover right outside the door of the church / reception, whicj would be awkward.

Really, a tiny newborn will be much less disruptive than (eg) a running shouting toddler, esp if in a sling, so even if wedding is nominally child-free I think you'll be ok.

I'd reassure the bride that of course you'll take him out of the ceremony/speeches if he cries and I'm sure you'll be fine

Any other views?

I'm going to a wedding that's 5 weeks after EDD (so baby will be anything from 3 weeks upwards).

We've cleared it with the couple and are taking baby into church/reception and just slipping out when it starts fussing; I plan on wearing a dress I can edjust easily for discreet feeding since I expect it to be semi-constant at that point. I've also asked if we can be seated at a table end so the carrycot can go by my feet.

We similarly had a couple with a 4 week old at our wedding and seated them accordingly; it was really no trouble. It was my 14 month neice who was running riot at the back of the Cathedral (luckily that was a long way away from us and apart from my poor s-i-l no one was inconvenienced!)

Any point in my parents coming for the weekend then? It sounds like it would be no help? Maybe for the evening?

TBH, I wouldn't go. It would have been the last thing I felt like doing. I ducked out of a friend's wedding when ds2 was about 12 weeks old - travel, babysitting arrangments etc, all too much for me at that stage, and I wouldn't have wanted to leave him either. Another friend is doing the same with her 2 month old soon - babies not allowed, so she's not going.

When DD was about 7 weeks old, she refused to sleep anywhere apart from on me, and the only way she'd get to sleep was to BF her way there. For me, it would have been completely impractical to not have DD with me. I also would have really struggled emotionally at that point to be apart from DD for the whole day (that side of things took me completely by surprise!)

But every baby is different.

Does the bride have much contact with young children? If she doesn't, she may be completely unaware of many of the issues. I would be wary of committing to having your DC nearby with your parents as, when it comes to it, it may not be practical. If it were me, having had my experience with DD, I'd tell the B&G that there were a lot of things that I wouldn't know until the baby was here and so I didn't feel that I could plan to NOT have the baby with me at that point. I would, of course, take them out if they were causing a disturbance. I would plan to have them at the wedding and, if it turned out possible, leave them with parents - but don't set the bride's expectation the other way round!

IMO it would be high risk to plan to go to the wedding without your DC. You are being perfectly sensible to say that for all sorts of reasons you need to plan to bring your DC with you - but it could result in the bride choosing not to invite you (it shouldn't, but it does happen).

You might be able to get your baby into a routine by then. My DS is now 4.5 weeks. Feeding at roughly 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 6.30pm, 10pm and during the night. But times can change although fairly confident after a feed he can manage 2.5 hours until start of next feed, longer in the evening. I don't agree any need to hover outside door of wedding, right after a feed they'd have at least 2 hours.....

Will be much much easier if your mum is there, she can change nappies, settle the baby, take for a walk etc etc and you will enjoy the wedding. But don't think you'd need her for the whole weekend.

I got married 7 weeks after my best friend had her son, and she seemed to have a tiny bit of a routine going on. Her mum and dad came and looked after the baby during the ceremony but brought him back so that she could feed BUT she had started expressing a few weeks before so their son actually spent the night with his grandparents and they bottle fed him breast milk.
It was my best friends first night away from him and she really let her hair down and enjoyed herself, her son was back with her first thing in the morning.

Its very very tricky to say how often they'll be feeding as all babies are different some feed well and have a few hours between but some cluster feed, you also may hit a growth spurt when you're feeding non stop!
So my advice would be, if you feel up to it, maybe express some milk and give that to the grandparents, it will free you up a little bit.
Expressing was what saved me with my ds, it just meant I could get out for a few hours, go to the cinema and have a bit of "me" time. I used a medela electric pump, it was fab! By 7 weeks BF should be established so you shouldn't have any problems with feeding confusion and your baby will still be getting the good stuff.

The other little bit of advice I would give you is breastfeeding is HARD WORK! I was so shocked as to how hard it would be and how long it would take for us both to get into the swing of it, I persevered but it took 3 weeks of tears and very very sore boobies, Im glad I stuck with it and I managed to feed DS for 7months but be prepared and if you cant do it, as MANY people cant. Formula is absolutely good enough and doesn't deserve the bad press it gets IMO
Hope it goes well

I wouldn't plan to go unless they're really close friends. My brother-in-law is getting married a month after mine is due, and my husband is best man so we have to go - but the wedding is only two hours' drive away.

At the moment I feel like I wouldn;t want to miss it for the world, but sure I'll be knackered and feeling / looking pretty awful when the time comes, so am keeping an open mind!

I agree with Tangle. I don't think you should go to the trouble of trying to fit around them - it sounds like a nightmare. I know people who've asked for no children at their weddings but with the exception of babes in arms. You don't know what the baby's needs will be on the day. I would say to them that you need to bring your baby as it is relying on you for food! But that you will duck out of the ceremony if it gets noisy, or hover at the back if you need to feed. If they don't think that is reasonable they don't deserve you at their wedding (sorry if that sounds harsh, hormones you know...).

Another thing is that you don't know how you will feel either, you may not want to be separated from the baby yet.

The wedding is on the saturday and we were thinking that if my parents came up we would pay for them to stay in the hotel with us and then we'd have the sunday together in cardiff. Its too far for any of us to go there and back in the day, we were thinking that we could make a weekend of it all together.
MumNWLondon we were thinking of having my Mom on standby as you said, thinking that we would feel happier with someone there, but we really have no idea what to do!! Mom and Dad are truly happy to do whatever, they would have time with their grandchild and a weekend away!
Thanks for all your help so far!

I went to a wedding of a close friend when DD was 2 weeks old. Glad I did went to see my friend get married but with hindsight it was horrendous, spent the whole day in a complete daze.

At 6 weeks and bf-ing I reckon you'll have the baby physically next to you all the time and probably won't want to part from him / her, or leave him / her out of sight even if sleeping peacefully in a buggy or whatever. There's also the journey London to Cardiff to consider. And depending on what kind of birth you have, you may not be up and about as much as you'd like eg: if you are late and then have a c-section, you'll possibly be only 4 weeks post-birth and recovering from surgery.

Sorry, this all sounds very negative!! Realistically, if I were you I would aim and plan to attend if you can with the baby with you and on the proviso that of course you will remove yourselves if he / she makes a disturbance. But don't beat yourself up if you find that you can't go once you've had the baby and worked out how you feel. No one should mind if a new mother pulls out of any kind of social arrangement for baby-related reasons, and anyone who does mind is being beyond rude IMO.

I guess some of this is me completely not knowing how I will feel at the time - so I don't know how realistic I am being thinking that all will be hunky dory. Another set of friends are getting married 5 days before my due date, they have said that they do not need to have final numbers until 2 weeks before the big day so we can give them a clearer idea of how I am feeling, she has also researched where the nearest hospital is so if needed we would know where to go!! I have kind of started thinking I probably won't make that one but still have fingers crossed! Then this other friend who is getting married 7 weeks after is not really answering me and I'd like to know if I am still invited with my new baby! All of this is SO far away but I seem to be thinking about these weddings as something solid I can plan? Does any of that make sense?!

difficult one isn't it, I have just agreed to go to my cousins wedding 3 weeks after the due date of my second and it's a 3 hours drive. I will be bottle feeding (you could always express some breast milk and the baby could then be bottle fed one feed) and they don't mind the baby. I think it mostly comes down to your personality, if you are a practical person who can cope and doesn't mind dipping out of the wedding in the event that it doesn't go to plan then go for it. I had huge reservations about going to my cousins wedding but then figured i got DD to Miami and back on my own at 13 months so as i have my mum for company on the drive then i am sure i will manage the wedding, in the event that i get there and it's all too much then i will pace the streets until the baby is asleep and re join the wedding. If you have a routine in mind for the baby and work at sticking to it then there is a good chance you will know what time the baby will feed and sleep etc. I know not everything goes to plan etc etc but if you are the type of person who can cope with plans changing without getting too stressed then give it a go

I would say, at 7 weeks if you are very lucky your baby will be feeding a minimum of every 3 hours - and don't forget feeds can still take well up to an hour at that age! Unless you are expressing or bottle feeding, there is no real point planning on your parents looking after the baby, unless they are invited to the wedding too, and then they will be a helpful extra pair of hands.

I would explain to your friend that you have to bring the baby and ask her outright if that's ok - it's not like you'll need her to provide a highchair or anything and as long as you duck out of the church/din ing room etc if the baby starts crying it won't disrupt her day at all. Asking to be seated near the door is a good tip so you can get in and out discreetly - we took DD to a wedding at 18 months and were sat right in the middle of a very crowded room, so getting her in and out when she had a tantrum during the speeches was a nightmare!

We are going to a wedding 5 weeks after my due date with no.2 and I am planning on wearing something I can BF discreetly in and am quite prepared to spend a lot of time sitting in a quiet corner somewhere feeding. Tbh I'm more worried about our 2 year old at the wedding than the newborn, but she will be DH's responsibility!

Just make sure your friend knows you might not be able to make it if you or the baby needs more time at home to rest up. My first DC was 12 days overdue, we then had to spend 6 days in hospital due to complications. Once home I really wasn't up to leaving the house for a few weeks due to post-birth damage to me. Furthest I made it was to the hospital for follow up.

Now my neighbour had a great recovery and was out socialising pretty quickly - all I'm saying is it would be horrible to have any extra stress on you if you do find the birth and/or recovery hard work. I was really unlucky but perhaps decide your plan based on your friend and how understanding she is - would she and you prefer to not plan on being there rather than potentially cancel last minute if you don't feel up to it; or would you both prefer to aim for it while knowing things don't always run to plan!

I have exactly the same issue - exactly 7 weeks too but we will have to fly to our friends wedding (extra fun sorting a birth cert and passport out in time!)
I'm doing some serious expectation setting at the moment. If I go 2 weeks overdue or have a section the husband knows it's highly likely he's going by himself (he's an usher so has to go).
I plan to BF too all going well and quite nervous about the amount of time it will take and whether there is any real point in attending if I am spending the day in a corner or sitting in the hire car but they are v g friends and are doing their best to make sure we have everything we need. I'm hoping to be able to express and that it will make life a bit easier but a) it's yet more kit to take with us and b) I keep reading that you should try to avoid it for the first few weeks until baby gets well established. Input from experienced types would be really useful here

Some friends of mine came to our wedding with a 6 week old. Normal birth but bottle feeding. The couple basically tag teamed the changing and feeding all day. The baby spent most of it asleep even through speeches and the band and being passed around a million guests who wanted to hold her and be photographed with her. No idea where she was during the actual ceremony but we tried everything we could to ensure that they could be there making it clear that we'd rather they cancelled at the last minute than refused to attend in case the baby cried. If your friends really want you there then they should be understanding that life is not that simple. I would simply say to them that while you would really like to be there, the baby will have to spend the day with you and that hopefully all will go well but that you might have to cancel late or leave early (or ask the kitchen to keep your dinner warm :-)and if that's an issue (or they are really pushed for numbers or cost) then it would be better if you didn't attend. That way if your parents come and are any help at all, it's a bonus.

Its a tricksy one as depends so much on the baby to be honest.

Well actually all 3 of mine would have needed bf a lot at that stage and especially in the late afternoon/early evening when I did lots of cluster feeding.

I'd only go if I could take the baby.

But to be honest if they weren't particularly close friends I'd probably give it a miss.