feeling weird about number 4

[LuluF]

Even though we planned number 4 - I'm beginning to get a bit freaked out about it.

I had a MC at the beginning of March after a few months of trying and then a couple of months later we were lucky enough to conceive. I'm only about 6 weeks and maybe the MC is at the back of my mind (it never really occurred to me with the 3 previous pregnancies - I was naive enough to think it would be the same this time) and I?m maybe worried that it might happen again.

I don't know whether the MC is affecting how I feel, or if it?s a result of people saying after DC3 was born, 'Are you stopping now?' - when we said we don?t know (we hadn?t discussed it by then), they strongly advised against it and said things like 'Oh, when my friend had her 4th, it was the straw that broke the camel's back'. I do try to ignore people as much as I can, but I guess when I?m feeling a bit low it gets to me.

When I was pg with DD2, I feel certain that I had some sort of depression, though I never really mentioned it to MW or Dr because it only occurred to me well after the event, and I didn?t have it during the pregnancy after that.

When I try to picture what life will be like when number 4 arrives ? I get really panicky and think I won?t manage and I think we?ve done a really stupid thing, whereas before it didn?t seem like that. Maybe it?s the reality of what life will be like that?s hitting me ? before it was a bit of a fantasy ? does that make sense? Anyway, I find that I?m pretty close to tears most of the time and I?m getting irrationally cross and annoyed about the silliest things.

We?ve told a few people but we haven?t told DH?s family yet ? and I?m absolutely dreading it. Rather than feeling happy and excited, I?m feeling really anxious and almost apologetic about it.

Is anyone else feeling like this?

I cannot really advise in your situation, but I am currently pregnant with DC2 and had very similar thoughts in the beginning of the pregnancy although the pregnancy was planned. I think I got freaked out thinking how I will cope, that it will be financial stretch etc number of reasons that made be think "Oh, why we didn't wait until DC1 is older". But as I am not in the second trimester, those thoughts had passed already...

Thank you - that's made me feel a bit more hopeful. I was just talking to my DH and he said he remembers me like this with every single one. I guess it's like the pain of childbirth - you just forget.

It's hard though. I just feel like I can't make a decision about anything either - and have a fuzzy feeling in my head. I hope it passes soon.

I am on number 4 aswell; 23 weeks now. I had a MC before DC3 and a missed MC last year. Even though I am fairly far along now, I cannot entirely relax. I am sure this is due to the MCs and other traumatic events in our lives in the past 2 years.
I also panic about the reality of it all; I remember people saying to me that number 3 was pushing it, and that so many relationships fail etcetc; now I am due on #4, it's like I have gone mad, apparently!
I think it's because I have had 3 wonderful home births and problem free pg's that I freak and think because I know this pg has to be the last one, something terrible will happen.
I am adjusting in more realistic terms to it all, but I do feel different in a way I can't describe in attitude, this time around. Probably due to feeling old!!
It's ok to feel low about it from time to time and anxious. I think these are normal feelings, despite people saying 'ooh, an old hand at this now; it'll be like shelling peas!'
I try not to shout at them that every birth is different, and that the baby still has a big head whilst I have a small hole that has to stretch beyond belief to get the bloody thing out!!
Try to relax and don't feel bad that you aren't always ecstatic; this is pregnancy remember!!

Hi, im on number 5!!!!
its really strange but when i was pg with 4 i also was unsure and thought it would rock the boat, as it happens it was all ok, i enjoy having a large family..suprisingly when i found out with no5 i didnt feel like i did with no4, i think its because im more aware of other people negative reactions it kind of makes me feel more protective of no5, dont worry about what other people say, if its what u want then it will all work out fine
Congratulations and good luck x