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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Have enough love for second baby?

13 replies

cinnamongreyhound · 06/05/2010 12:39

Hi,

I am 23 weeks pregnant with my second baby and although I'm not sure how I felt about my son at this stage of pregnnacy last time I am really starting to worry that I won't feel the same about this baby as I do about my son.

I know that when he was born I felt emotions I never thought possible and I love him more than any other person and am just scared that I won't feel the same this time around.

I am desperate to decorate the baby's room and put the cot up in there so I feel I am doing something for him, but my husband doesn't want to rush. I have explained my reasoning and he is happy to do it a bit sooner but I don't know if it will make any difference.

I have only talked to my husband about this as I don't want people to think I don't want this baby which is not true at all. My husband just keeps telling me I am being silly which doesn't really help, need something a bit more practical to help me feel less guilty

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WelliesAndPyjamas · 06/05/2010 12:42

you're being normal these are normal worries

I type this cuddling a sleeping ds2 on my lap and can honestly say that having two kids does not mean that you have to share the love, you just have double the love [still smitten 14 months on]

LauraKB · 06/05/2010 12:47

Cinnamon, I don't know if this will help but I'll tell it anyway in case it does.

My Mum went through a similar thing with me, the only difference was she DIDN'T want me, I was a mistake, my sister was nearly 10 by this time and being 35 and pregnant in 1981 wasn't really the done thing. She said she just felt she was getting her life back as my sister was getting older and she felt having another baby was not far off the worse possible thing that could happen to her.

She has told me that all the time she was pregnant she was worried she wouldn't love this baby, but when I was born that all just melted away. I'm now 28 and my Mum and I are far closer than she and my sister will ever be!

Try not to worry, I'm sure it will be fine for you too, x.

MerryBlessings · 06/05/2010 12:47

My mum was worried about this when she had my little brother and this was why she waited 4 years to have him. However, when he arrived she said she felt just as madly in love with him as she had done with me.

You're going to be just fine!

xxx

witchwithallthetrimmings · 06/05/2010 12:51

It may take time (just as some mothers don't bond with their first babies immeadiately) but boy will you have enough. you will also find that you love your eldest more because you have another!

you may feel though you do not have enough energy though and if you think that you are sleep deprived now!- but it honestly gets easier and better

katiepotatie · 06/05/2010 12:53

I felt worried when I was expecting ds, after having dd I was overwhelmed by how much I loved her, and was frightened I wouldn't feel the same, but as soon as he arrived it was exactly the same ....you just have double the love

reikizen · 06/05/2010 12:54

Oh god, quite normal.But now it just seems incredible that I could have felt that way as dd2 is so completely wonderful and lovable in a totally different way to dd1. Please don't worry, you are not being silly at all, just working through some intense emotional changes.

Xavielli · 06/05/2010 13:06

Just want to reiterate the point that witchwithallthetrimmings made; It might take a bit longer to bond with DC2. It did for me. There is only a 15month age gap between my eldest two and I felt so guilty about the whole thing. But DC1 was sooooooooooo into DC2 that 3 months down the line I don't know how we ever lived without her.

My kids are as different as they come, but I love them both with all of my being, it's not seperate from each other and I love them together even more than individuals!

Original poster

cinnamongreyhound · 06/05/2010 13:06

Thank you all so much, I'm sure it's mostly pregnancy hormones but it's good to know that others have felt the same during pregnancy!

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Whelk · 06/05/2010 13:58

You are feeling totally normal. I was absoluetly terrified after a long labour and the delivery of my beautiful dd2 my primary emotion was a despertae need to see dd1.

I thought this meant that I hadn't bonded with dd2 but a lovely midwife assured me that this was quite normal to feel more for the elder dd that I had already bonded with.

I am pleased to say that I couldn't love dd2 (she is one now) more if I tried. I love them both equally (although differently because they are at different stages, doing different things).

whensmydayoff · 06/05/2010 21:19

Same here. I was worried sick. DS was/is my world, i gave up work and did so much everyday out and about with my little man. He has a great nature and was an easy toddler and the whole second PG I worried endlessley about it.

DD was born in December and wow, hit me like lightning all over again, madly in love instantly.

I did go through a rocky patch with her though but it was a unique experience.

She was about 4 weeks old and like my DS developed reflux only hers was 100 times worse. Screamed 24/7, day and night. I also didn't realise I had an under active thyroid so I hit rock bottom.
Couldn't go out between exhaustion and screaming. DS then became a little horror because I was so stressed and short with him .
I thought for a split second I didn't love her . Kept compairing them. That so doesn't happen now. They are so different and thats what is good about it.

I missed it being just me and him and I felt heart broken for how miserable he looked at times.

It lasted about 2 months and the medication plus her getting to the wonderous 3 month mark changed it all.

She is the easiest baby ever. Feeds, sleeps, sits in bouncy chair and thinks everything and everyone is hilarious. DS love her to bits and the feeling is mutual. He has forgotten it all and so have I TBH.

Point is, even if baby 2 is hard for any reason, it will be short lived and nothing will stop you loving him/her to bits.

Good luck

Wholelottalove · 06/05/2010 22:22

Thanks for starting this thread. I'm only really early on brewing DC no.2 and I've been worrying about the exact same thing. DD is so wonderful I can't imagine feeling the same for another child and worry about short changing both DD and the new little bean when it arrives. Reading what everyone else has posted is really reassuring. I guess it's like when pg with DD, I wondered if I would love her enough, and after she was born I laughed at myself for even thinking that I wouldn't.

imaginewittynamehere · 06/05/2010 22:34

I remember those feelings too. Despite being excited & looking forward to the birth of DD2
I called them the "what have I done" moments. The more people you have to love the more love you have. You never love anyone in exactly the same way they all have their different (yet equal) place in your heart. God that sounds so soppy but is also true so I've left it instead of editing.

hellymelly · 06/05/2010 22:39

I think everyone worries about this at some point,but you fall in love all over again.In fact I think it is more immediate the second time as you know how to really love a baby already. I was so close to dd1 and I just adored her but I love my second daughter just as much.

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