Do you plan to not breastfeed?

[sleeplessinseatle]

Hi

Expecting DC2 and have breast issues which made breastfeeding DC1 very difficult.

Was just wondering if there is anyone out there who doesnt plan to breastfeed, or not for very long? What will you say when the disaproval from friends starts?

The thought of BF not working again is making me not look forward to the baby arriving. Sorry not to post in 'feed the world' but its so pre-BF I'm scared to!

I never wanted to bf with my DC just something about me. I am very strong willed and also wanted to go back to work within 3 months so I didn't. No-one ever tried to change my mind or showed their disapproval. My extended family loved it because DD1 was such an easy baby who would drink a full bottle for anyone so they could all enjoy time with her.

I was about to type the same as Humphrey. People respond positively to whatever you answer. It is how we are trained to converse. Had you said you were FF the answer may well have been "Sensible choice".

Do you really think so. Good job I didnt reply 'And how well is your penis working lately lately? Ejaculating suffieciently?' or similar.

I guess I do have breast issues was well as an actual problem with my breasts. Just feel so ashamed, everything seems loaded.

I didn't bf my first and i'm not planning on doing so with my second, the only person who has ever commented was the first midwife i saw on the post birth ward who wrote that i was unco-operative. It's your body, your baby and your decision and noone else's business.

Really though, it IS just your business.

No one else cares.

It sounds like this is stressing you out and making you unhappy. I am sorry, I know what it feels like You shouldn't feel ashamed, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Is there anyone you can talk to about it in RL?

Sorry, I am starting to feel like I am keeping on at you, so I will shut up now.

I agree no one else business but yours.

I BF all 3 of mine and will be BFing no 4 due next week, turning it on it's head sometimes I feel people think you are weird FOR BFing especially past the first few weeks. I have friends how have babies born the same time as mine and were FF whilst mine were BFing, I never looked down on them or mentioned it, in fact I would often have a go of feeding them a bottle.

It's no one elses business how you feed your baby and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

I'm pg with DC3 and I'm not going to bf.

I didn't with DC2 - but felt incredibly guilty as she had feeding problems which I irrationally thought wouldn't have happened if I'd have bf.

I tried for 4 weeks with DC1 and it was 4 weeks of sheer hell.

I had the same Health Visitor with DC1 and 2 and 1 thing she said to me that I'll always remember is "its not the end of the world if you don't breast feed".

Unfortunatley people do think it is their business to comment on how you decide to feed your baby. I had a horrid time with my dd, now 3, and after a month of trying to feed her and hating every minute of it I finally decided enough was enough and switched to formula. I got told off for this, literally, by the lady in the pharmacy selling me the pills to stop my milk and the lady in the supermarket when buying the formula. Both of them took one look at my tiny little girl and questioned why I wasn't going to breastfeed!!! I ran out of both places in floods of tears feeling such a failure. BUT my dd was thrilled with her bottles and I stopped being a neurotic, unhappy mess so in the end I stopped caring what people thought and continued to do what made me and my daughter happier. That is the most important thing.

I wasnt planning on BF because of meds I take transsferring to LO, however after lecture discussion from my MW Ive been told I should be ok with meds and BF (however Im going to have it checked by the doc first). So I now have the stuff I need for both BF and FF.

I get asked by friends and colleagues a lot about my how im planning on feeding. Its none of there business quite frankly, but it doesnt stop the questioning.

Im just going to see what the doc says and how I feel at the time

It is your choice and I know your decision will be the best for your family. Don't put yourself under more pressure by second guessing the possible reactions of others. As ppers have said most people just ask out of curiosity and to make conversation, they aren't going to abuse you for giving formula.

I EBF my two DC first for 18mo (self weaned when pg) and second 16 mo and still going. I was lucky that both took to feeding and it was reasonable straightforward. But even so, It was hard going between endless regular feeding, no little sleep and nipple pain (first time, first few weeks). I can only imagine how much harder it is with complications. Anyone who choses to ff or stops bf should be happy with their choice and everyone else should give support and butt out.

My friend (only one with DC at the moment) FF both hers...her choice. When she asked (second DC) about BF I gave her information and offered support and when she changed her mind I accepted that.

sorry it was soooo long .... I wish I could write nice short posts

I breastfed DD1 for about 4 weeks before i had to stop because my breastmilk didnt have enough nutrients in it, so i had to stop on the advice of the health visitor, DD2 was breasfed for abotu 5 weeks before i had to switch to bottles for the same reason. currently awaiting arrival of DD3 and i plan to try breastfeeding, but i expect to encounter the same problems so i have formula, bottles and everything ready just inncase, so its not a big deal if i have to switch.

for my own peace of mind i want to try, but purely because my boobs have been leaking for a few months so im hopinh my breastmilk will be much more nutritous this time, but it hasnt stopped me stocking up on bottles and formula!!

good luck, as others have said its your body, your choice, its not as if your making the decision without knowing the potential benefits to your baby, and the problems you might encounter

I BF dd for almost 2 months, it was painful I got endless infections, I was crying constantly my MW constantly told me to keep it up it will get better, my HV told me it was the natural way to feed my child and not to stop, my MW referred my to the GP for PND (which I was and still am convinced was caused by the BF and the guilt of wanting to stop due to the pain), the GP gave me Anti Depressants and also gave me some medication for thrush, I took the thrush medicine for 2 days and BF became harder and harder the the midwife rang and told me to stop taking it as it was incorrectly diagnosed and the medication is not to be used whilst BF as it dries up the milk. In the end I decided it was all too much and stopped and resorted to bottle, I felt so relieved and much better. Never took the Anti Depressants as I knew what was causing me to feel so down, and once I stopped I felt so much better.
I will try with this one but if I am heading down the same path I will stop sooner, I have a toddler and I don't want her to see me crying constantly.
As for what people think, I myself felt guilty so I just presumed others would look down at me, to be honest if they did I never notticed. It is your choice and no one else has a right to judge you for your choice.

ktwiltshire - who ever told you your breastmilk didnt have enough nutrients in it had no idea what they were talking about. That's one of the most untrue things I've ever heard said (or written)about breastmilk.

Have not read whole thread but wanted to add my support to you OP. I didn't manage to BF DS and I'm convinced the guilt and trauma I put myself through over it contributed hugely to my PND. Not helped by MW in the hosp telling me I was "breaching his human rights"!!

I am now 16wks pg again and the thought of having to deal with this issue again makes me break out in a cold sweat!

I think I will probably end up giving it a go BUT give up at the first sign things are not working - others might think that sounds pathetic but I can't go through the mental agony again.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

sorry, kt wiltshire, i think your Hv is barking! did your dr confirm this as correct? what tests did they do on your milk? I'm not sure leaking has any relevance to the "quality" of your milk - its tailor made for your own baby ( I know, we women are bloody geniuses )

please go ahead bf your baby this time if you want. and get some proper support from someone who knows what they are talking about. why don't you start another thread and ask for some advice from the MN BF experts?

sorry for hijack OP

People do ask these questions, both while you're pregnant and after birth. Babies don't do much - other than feeding, sleeping, pooing (tend to limit that one to other parents ) and hair colour/which parent they look like there's really not much to say!

If you're asked if you're feeding the baby yourself, then answer yes. Unless you're propping the bottle up in the bouncy chair, or handing the baby to anyone and everyone for every feed, it's the truth.

I breastfed first two DCs for a couple of months through repeated and hideous bouts of mastitis and an horrendous abcess. If I have any more I will not be doing it again. I may give some colustrum in the first few days (maybe up to about a week) but after that I will switch to bottles of formula. I have put my body (and my mental health) through enough. Ayone who dares judge me is a fuckwit, imo.

I always thought when I first got pg that I would BF for at least a year.

Actually, I BF DS for 4 months (and hated nearly every moment). Dreaded BF throughout entire pregnancy with DD (forced myself to BF for 3 months, odd bottle thrown in when desperate).

The best piece of advice I got was "one day at a time". I shall take it myself this time (when DC3 eventually puts in an appearance - currently 2 days overdue).

None of my friends would voice disapproval - some have fed their DC for 2 years, others not at all.

I know exactly how you feel, god, I keep changing my mind about it (I have 1 dd, i'm not currently pregnant).
bf with dd was a complete nightmare, I had inverted nipples which made it very hard, no milk for ages (around 3 and a half weeks) and a very hungry baby.
I was told at the hospital that I should be able to produce 30ml of colostrum in one setting. (I have been told since that this is not true). DD lost so much weight in her first week I was scared. I had been told that colostrum would be enough until the milk came in but it just wasn't.
When my milk finally came in I had an infection and taking antibiotics, the mw (wrongly) advised me not to call the nct breastfeeding councillor because "she wouldn't like that I had already been formula feeding the baby", I just oculd not face being judged by yet another person (I know now I should have called her.). The hospital would not discharge me until they had seen succesful feeding and that was only possible with a bottle unfortunately.)
I felt so guilty and such a failure it was awful, I cried everyday and found it very hard when other mums would ask if i was breastfeeding. I remembered how I thought (pre-pregnancy) that women who weren't breastfeeding must be stupid or something and felt awful that these other women were probably thinking the same about me.
I have not made my mind up for next time. I think I will try again, just because for some people it sounds like such a positice experience. (or maybe I am subliminally under pressure because "breast is best").

good luck, for what it's worth, you know after 6 months most of the women who were bf have stopped, after that most of the talking is about getting back to work rather than breastfeeding.

agree with the others that people don'ta ctually care and are just making conversation, it's us who have the issue and need to deal with it.

Just thought I'd say - I am BF my 6 month old, and have had so many negative comments; "Can't you do that in private?", "When are you going to stop?" "That is so disgusting..." etc. You will get negative comments whatever you do; you shouldn't, but people for some reason seem to think that as soon as you fall pregnant you become public property, and you remain that way once you have had your child.

Statistically, more people FF than BF. So don't let the bastards get you down Do what feels right for you and your baby. If you do decide to give BF a try, remember that every time BFing, just like every baby, is different.

Be happy in yourself, and with you baby, and bugger the rest of the world

I had bouts of mastitis - the baby did not gain weight for the first 5 weeks -a mw at hospital fed my baby formula when I thought she was just taking the baby to settle.
One side hurt through breastfeeding for 4 months. I had to take painkillers.My baby still feeds for hours I sometime want to give up. I had some unsupportive friends who were anti-bf I'm not sure if they are my friends now. I eat loads and have gained loads of weight.I surf mumsnet to deal with the long hours. I have stiff muscles from lying and sitting down to feed. My hair is awful now. I do not see as many friends because I feed so often, but I read the politics of breastfeeding and was determined to bf... and my baby seems so happy feeding.

But do you know what - I always thought I had been breastfed because I am bright, tall and have never been ill. I got pregnant quickly as soon as I wanted to and the first time I went near a hospital was to give birth at nearly 40.
But when I checked with my mum she never did bf - she was too sick.

I have so far breastfed for just over 6 months - will keep going as long as I can... but it is your choice. I consider myself to me ebf as the mw did not check with me as to the formula.

Good luck whatever you do decide to do.

Gosh my last post sounded a bit awful - on balance I would still say give bf a go but it is up to you.

I am glad I kept with it.

I acually think the internet is quite a bad thing in this arena. I didn't bf my first, because well just because really. I did try to bf my second who was having none of it, I felt terrible by this point as I had discovered Mn and the internet in general. By dc3 who I did manage to bf for a month, but gave it up as a bad job as I was basically forced to top him up by overzealous paediatricians. Never recovered from the whole topping up thing, and basically valued my own sanity and sleep over bf.

Mn is not representative of general opinion, I have encountered many more anti-bf people irl as compared to mn. I think this is wrong obviously, but if your "friends" are judging you for NOT bf, they are not really friends tbh.

If people you care about are negative about not bf, then let them be. This period is short lived really. If you cannot ignore them then realise that the whole bf v ff debate lasts for a short time really.

Do what makes it easier for you. If trying to bf and failing will cause you more trouble than not, then ff and feel happy about it.

Thought I'd throw my opinion in
I decided early on for reasons of our own to FF DS1 when he came along and my family was very supportive, as were my midwives and the health visitor. DS thrived on it (thats not to say he wouldn't have done on BF obviously) but it was other people that were the eye opener for me, people I worked withm and aquaintances rather than friends. Me being me it angered me more than upset me (mostly!) I stuck to our decision and for us FF was a positive experience and as I'm now pg with no2 I will FF again. That is what works for me and our family and its great the majority of people are so supportive. I don't think in many ways which you do (I've read/researched bf/ff so not disagreeing with either!) but that it is so important you are happy and comfoprtable in your choice.

I bf my first for 9m. I doubt I will manage it again purely because it took up all my time.