miscarried once- now very nervous

[trollprincess]

Hi,
I had a miscarriage and D&C in March - doctor said there was no reason, just "one of those things" We decided to try again but I keep feeling terrified it will happen again and I won't cope. Help!

Just re read my previous thread, sorry if it sounds negative it wasn't meant that way but not quite sure how to re word it.

Gosh, thanks I do feel a lot better. Mummyhill you weren't negative at all - I know what you mean - I don;t know what I would have done differently last time either. Good luck too to everyone ttc.

Glad i could help. Good luck to you when you decide that the time is right for you.

Trollprincess - I just wanted to say sorry for your m/c and good luck when you decide to ttc again. I had a missed m/c in June 2004 and am now 17 wks pg. I think you lose your innocence when you have a m/c and just can't help worrying. I've just sort of accepted that I'm worried and won't be able to enjoy the pregnancy in the same way as someone who has never had a m/c but I'm working on the basis that I just have to sort of accept the nervousness, that the worry will all be worth it in the end and that in between the worrying there is also the immense joy each week of getting another week nearer to having a dd/ds.

Dh & I were exactly the same after the first, sadly we were one of the few who experienced it for a 2nd time. The 3rd pregnancy has resulted in the birth of our gorgeous dd... She is now 11 weeks old and even now we are amazed that after 4 years of trying and heartache she is finally with us.
When you do ge pregnant you have to relax (not easy I KNOW..!), and think positive. Personally I think our success was down to postive thinking by us and all around us.
Remember sadly mc's are common but they happen for a reason.
Good luck and I wish you well.x

forgot..following on from mrsfogi, throughout the pregancy we were so worried and concerned. Neither of us could relax and we so thought something would go wrong. Remember to think this normal and unfortunatly something you will probably go through given the past. Fingers crossed the next pregancy will go as planned. xx

It is funny - last time, as soon as I said I was pregnant, everyone started squabbling about names, where to give birth, whether it is better to have a boy or girl, and even if it was sensible to have a child born in September! I guess this time I a)won't tell anyone till much later and b)will not worry about such petty things.

This time round we did not tell any one except work (due to nature of job is was doing at time) till after 14 weeks. I think my parents guessed because i didn't drink at christmas and avoided foods that i usually love, but they were good enough not to say anything and to act supprised when i did eventually let the cat out of the bag.

trollprincess you are totally right...People get so excited when they know a baby is on the way. Must admit though we only told my manager at work at 6 weeks but parents at about 5 weeks. Close friends "found out/guessed" at about 10 weeks. Given our past though everyone was brilliant and gave us space. In fact noone bought anything until dd was in our arms at hospital...then she was and at 11 weeks still is spoilt rotten

shhh, i got all dreamy at the idea of spoiling my (future) baby rotten. it will be okay won't it, for all of us?

TP, firstly , a miscarriage is just awful. I had mine a year last march. It was about this time last year that I got pg again, and I now have a wonderful 3 month old baby. However, it was a very very difficult pg, and (trying not to be negative) I hope I can help you to avoid the mistakes I made.

Oh, and before I forget, the decision to go for it again was made during a particularly boozey holiday, and the baby was conceived during the worst hangover of my life. The one I lost came after 6 months of complete abstinence!

Anyway, my mistakes ... I totally threw myself into work in my 1st trimester. I launched a new ptoject which needed a lot of work, and continued to apply for promotions. All this on top of my usual commitments, including ds1 who was 18 months old at the time. I ignored all the tiredness, nausea etc. and refused to give in to it - basically because I had done so the time before, and all for nothing. So this time I didn't want to sacrifice anything. Stupid, I know. I now realise that after the mc I had even more reason to take it easy.

Scans were really really difficult. I had to have dp with me for every single medical appointment (he'd not been with me at the scan that diagnosed a missed miscarriage). And after every healthy scan I assumed that while he'd been a happy healthy baby on the scan, that was 10 minutes ago, and you can die in 10 minutes, can't you ... With hindsight I would have booked the whole day off work (and maybe the day before too) to cope with scans.

I also didn't slow down in my 2nd trimester. I bled from 13 - 16 weeks, during which time my team was inspected at work - so I ignored the bleeding and threw myself into the work. Then just as the bleeding and inspection finished, ds1 got an ear infection, then I got sinusitis. By 20 weeks I was completely burnt out. By 26 weeks I was on sick leave.

I was very very silly. I refused to devote any energy to the pregnancy because I was so convinced that it was going to fail. I wasn't happy until I had the baby in my arms. However, the moment he was there in my arms I was madly in love with him, and I have not had a bad moment since - not even the baby blues.

I hope I haven't been too negative, after all my story has a most wonderful, perfect ending. Just please avoid the mistakes I made and be good to yourself.

Wow fisil - recognise the 'throw yourself into work' bit in me. That's what I am doing at the moment, on the basis that I can;t bear putting all my hopes on baby again. Bear with me, need to think about threst of your message - it knocked me for six. But so glad things worked out for you.

We managed to get an early scan this time and we both booked the whole day off. The hospital were really good they prettended that there was something wrong with the monitor on the wall until they found out what was going on and as soon as they found that it was a viable pregnancy the monitor miraculousley repaired its self. I was so glad they did this because if they hadn't and i had seen an empty screen again it would of destroyed me.