Are NCT ante-natal lessons the only way to make 'mummy friends'

[JamieJay]

Have signed up for ante-natal classes with NCT but think we may have to cancel them for a variety of reasons.

I've heard that they're not the be all and end in terms of learning everything (internet, mumsnet and mumsnets guides!) but can be very useful in making friends.

I don't really have any local friends with children so am worried about being totally isolated on maternity leave. Have any of you managed to make friends without going to NCT classes??

I'm quite shy (but come across as arrogant/over-confident to other people) and making friends doesn't really come naturally to me so am a little nervous about this.

Thanks

Try netmums - they have a local meet-a-mum board and often do meet ups.

You can also become a member of the NCT and go to coffee mornings to meet people without doing the antenatal classes.

Whereabouts are you based? If theres a Surestart centre near you they usually advertise local mum and baby groups in the window, that could give you an idea of what else is available locally.

I just did the NHS classes at the local health centre when pg with my dd (now 4) and made some really good friends. We've been through thick and thin together and all live locally. I don't think NCT is the bees knees at all, does your health centre run classes? Failing that your midwife should have a list of local bumps to babes type groups.

Thanks both, reassuring to have a few more ideas.

Am in a city so there should be a surestart centre and have seen various posters etc. around for baby groups so guess there are opportunities out there.

Guess I will just have to start being brave and get out there and mix with people.

No, not at all - but do check out anything else your local NCT has to offer. With DD2 I was keen to meet people as we'd moved area, so I went along to an NCT post-natal course and a weekly NCT mother and baby group. The post-natal course was only £15 and I met some really great friends that I still meet up with weekly 3 years on. It's also perfectly possible to make friends by just going to baby groups, but then you have to be a bit more pro-active about it.

x-posted WickedWitch - will look into the NHS courses. Got my 28 week appointment in a fortnight so will ask midwife then.

Think it depends on how easily you make friends. If you need a push (like me!), then a structured 'we're all in this together' group situation like an NCT or NHS class makes it a lot easier. If you're not shy, then you'll meet plenty of people just going along to NCT coffee mornings/toddler groups etc.

However, you may not want to or be able to get out to groups like that in the early weeks, which is where your ready made friends from antenatal classes come in - who will all be going through similar things at roughly the same time.

I would definitely say the learning bit can be done anywhere (and in fact the info given in my NCT class was total rubbish) - although classes can be quite handy for busy/lazy husbands/partners who won't read through all the books you're flinging at them or spend all their time on mumsnet.

Re the making friends thing, you'd be amazed at how easy it is to bond with other women when you have something as momentous as having children in common

It's true what wicked witch says. I am hopeless at making friends unless given a helping hand. I can be very shy and my husband always says I can come across as quite stand offish until you get to know me.

Since having a baby I have met loads of other women, through NCT, from the local postnatal course run by my baby clinic and even from clinic waiting rooms! I have found it all a lot easier than I imagined.

I did NCT classes but have also made loads of friends through other classes we go to together.

I would say that initially my NCT friends were the only people I met up with during my maternity leave, it took a while for DD to be ready for some of the classes.

To be honest I prefer the friends I made outside the NCT - I feel they are less competitive and I prefer one on one friendships rather than group things. I do still keep in touch with NCT friends but don't feel I'd really confide in them as much as the others. All this is very personal to me though. I did find it useful to have contacts for the early days even though sometimes it made me feel worse rather than better!

Bramshott - I didnt realise they did post natal classes too! I will check those out myself (sorry for hijack!)

Also how about some antenatal exercise classes, like yoga or swimming? Could be good for meeting people.

Why not start a thread here asking if there are other expectant mums in your area? I did antenatal classes (not NCT) and met some lovely people, but in the end I met a fab group of people through a local thread someone started on MN who have actually become closer friends. We began meeting when we were pregnant, and I can honestly say I've made 5 good friends and some very nice acquaintances who saved my sanity on a number of occasions during maternity leave (and continue to do so on a regular basis).

I've met a couple of people through aqua-natal class down at the local pools who live in the area. We meet for coffee occassionally and have a little friendship growing.
I too don't think that NCT is the be all and end all either!
Try your local community centre too - i'm lucky enough to have a community centre that do coffee mornings where you can go along and meet other women/men who are there for exactly the same reason as you - to meet other new parents!
Good luck

I think it depends on who you get in your group and what you plan on doing in the first few months. But for me, those women were like my best friends - I saw/spoke to at least one of them every day because they all lived so close and we all had our babies within weeks of each other. We are all still friends today. You also have the benefit of having known each other, albeit briefly, pre-baby so you had some time to talk without the demands of a newborn AND you met their other half, so you felt like you got to know them quite quickly. I agree with lukewarm, sometimes after having a baby the last thing you want to be doing is trying to make new friends, there's not that many things you can do with a newborn, and if you're naturally shy NCT can be a ready made group of friends as long as you all get on.

It also depends on where you are - I was in SW London and I found that everyone was already in their little NCT cliques so it was harder to meet people! I didn't really meet any other people in London who had babies, which was fine as I had my pre-baby friends too. We moved away when DS was 10 months old and I met people straight away through baby swimming and toddler groups, people were more open to making friends and it is easier when the babies are a bit bigger and interacting more.

So for me NCT was invaluable.

Agree with DomesticGoddess - obviously people will have different experiences of the NCT, but I made some great friends whom I still see several times a week, over two years on. It's great for breastfeeding too, in the early days and weeks - chances are, you'll have a ready-made bf support group, meeting in the comfort of one another's houses, and it's great for confidence-boosting!

I didn't do the nct classes as decided it was too expensive but I wish that I had done so. Although I have now made some good "mummy friends" through classes & groups I've gone to (including NCT open houses and groups) I felt it took a long time to get there and I had to make an effort to do it and when I could have most done with the support (i.e in the first few months) I didn't have any "mummy friends" to call.

I did go to the NHS classes but tbh although they were ok on the information front they weren't designed to be sociable, were in a really big group (like 30odd people) and I didn't even find out the names of most of the other people and never saw any of them again.

Sorry it's taken me so long to come back.

Thanks for the thoughts and comments - a few things to think about there.