Would anyone be interested in joining a don't-tell-until-12weeks thread?

[Unbuffy]

I am 6 weeks pregnant and determined not to tell ANYONE in RL (bar dh of course) about it until the 12 week scan goes okay. I recently had a mmc and found out at the scan which was at 14 weeks, so I had already told lots of people. So this time is going to be different.

But everyone seems to want to tell the world really early, so I thought I'd start this thread for anyone else, either in the same situation, or who just wants to keep quiet, or who wants to rant quietly (or loudly - we won't tell) about crappy first-trimester stuff that nobody else must know about!

Any takers?

Hello everyone,

I did what you are all doing! (I am nw 14 weeks!) Actually we told our parents and my sister and my husbands brother earlier, but swore them all to secrecy! As for friends we told them after we had the 1st scan and I was actually 13 weeks. We are so happy we did it like this, we were worried obviously if anything should have gone wrong then we would have lots of people to tell, but we also liked the fact that only we and close family knew.
I am off work at the moment (school Easter holidays) and so have still not told work or my work friends, get to do that next week!
Just thought I woulld let you all know that you can do it and it IS worth it!

Good Luck!

Good on you girls.

I have just told work at 14 weeks and I am so so glad that I didn't say anything till before then (got Nuchal results, scan okay etc etc) as anyone who has kids asks this kind of thing first and it was great to say all was well.

Thoroughly recommend telling parents face to face if possible too, as it is worth seeing their reaction to a new grandchild!

And of course telling friends is priceless, you feel so so loved. Very special indeed.

x

hi
this is my first post and it's my first pregnancy. We had been trying for some time so we are really excited. But nervous about telling anyone until we get to that first scan. Am only 5 weeks at the moment so it seems like such a far way away !

Evening.
Congratulations to all new folk, 12 weeks does seem like an age away when you 1st get your bfp.

I'm seeing midwife for 1st appointment tomorrow so hopefully they might give me a scan date.

Was complaining on last post that I had been mildly concerned about lack of nausea but seem to be making up for it today, have been feeling exhausted too, had a morning nap with DS today. Feels a bit strange to be pleased at feeling sick but it is reassuring in a nauseating kind of way.

Sorry to hear your Mum is second guessing your pg news Unbuffy, very insensitive. Maybe you can keep it under your hat until just before your waters go
Hope you are feeling less ropey v. soon.

Told my sister and BIL at weekend (she's 21 weeks into her 2nd pg) and DP told inlaws too.

Sadly, saw my best friend today who told me she is in the midst of an early miscarriage, not looking forward to breaking my news to her and her DH

Hope all is well with everyone as we creep towards our 2nd trimester.

Hello,

can I join too? I'm not really sure how pregnant I am, I can't work it out. I'm English but live in France and my French really isn't up to the GP's conversation or interpreting my blood results that I got today. Anyway, about 4/5 weeks, so still early.

I keep going from being super excited to super scared and worried. DH is being very supportive and calming, I hope it lasts! Am really wanting to tell people, esp my parents as my brother is expecting too this year - well his wife I mean. 2 grandchildren in 1 year - lucky grandparents!

Congratulations to everyone! I love knowing that there's other ladies out there in the same situation!

Hello hello,

Hope you are all coping with that loooong wait until 12weeks ladies! Will it never come...?

Have discovered fab ms coping mechanism, thoroughly recommend to everyone: Lucozade! A swig as blood sugar dives and you start feeling queasy does wonders! Hurrah! Although with the amount I've bought recently the local shop must think I'm on a permanent bender or something... Also sea bands seem to help.

Welcome and congratters to new folks!

Fanny I know what you mean about family expecting, my sil (brother's missus) has recently Announced Her Pregnancy and if all goes to plan (I'm still hedging my bets) we'll be due about a month after her.

I've just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd (after a 6 year gap!) so am around 4 ish weeks. I want to keep it a secret until 12 weeks scan as my sister is having a baby in July and its a big deal for my family, so I don't really want to step on her toes. Having said that, I don't know HOW I am going to be able to keep it quiet for the next 8 weeks, especially if morning sickness strikes like it did with my first 2 pregnancies, AND I sooooo excited!!! I'm crap at keeping things a secret, so its going to be really tough.

Congrats to everyone!

I always thought it was normal to wait til the 12 weeks/first scan mark, I defo wouldn't tell the parent before that, becuase I can't even contemplate the idea of having to un-tell them a few days later..

If you want an incentive to wait, just imagine how much more fun it will be telling the parents when you can show them the scan print

I'm in! Just found out I'm PG this morning. Am not planning on telling anyone (parents and in-laws included) until I'm showing.

I had a miscarriage after an amniocentisis when I was 18.5 weeks PG in March, and wasn't even really supposed to be trying again. So it's come as a big surprise although I'm nervous as hell that things are going to go wrong again. I think it'll be weird telling people, as everyone suffered so much along with us when we lost our first baby, so I want to leave as long a gap as possible between that sadness and this new happiness.

Good luck to all.

Hi Margie,

Recognise you from the ttc after mc thread (I'm a grad and I lurk to keep up with all the news...)

Congrats!

I have managed to reach 9 weeks without telling a soul except obviously dp and dd (who at 1-and-some is too young to understand so that's safe!) My mother thinks she knows but I keep making excuses. Will have to start actively becoming a recluse soon however, as all my trousers are too tight!!

Hi Unbuffy,

I knew I recognised you from somewhere. Lovely to see you on here, and congrats! Good luck with the mother avoidance tactics - I live in Spain so I don't see my Mum that often but she's coming to visit next month and is bound to get suspicious when I spend all four days of her visit sipping only non-alcoholic drinks! Damn and blast my wino reputation. Any advice?

Not really! I seem to have failed miserably which is thoroughly irritating... You could say that you are going on a detox prior to ttc? Or antibiotics? Or you're not sleeping so are trying to cut out all caffeine and alcohol (this is the one I've used with most of my mates as I look so rough at the moment it's easy to carry off!!)

But whatever works for you, really. I feel exactly the same as you about not telling, even though I was only 14ish weeks (can't imagine what you've been through you poor thing. Awful.) My 1st was so straightforward I got cocky relaxed and told everyone at 10 weeks, around Christmas. And then had to un-tell them. So I am absolutely determined not to tell this time until I'm sure. Less heartache all round.

Sounds like you and I have been through something similar, I also told everyone at Xmas and then obviously had to untell them. I think there are still people who don't know we lost the baby, but I got to the limit of how many times I could repeat it quite a while ago.

Do you mind me asking how many cycles it took you to get PG again? Do you know why you had the MC?

Re. the booze, I like the detox suggestion. I also thought of filling the fridge with non-alcoholic beer 'cos my Mum can't read the Spanish labels, and then passing it off as the real thing. Desperate times, desperate measures and all that.

LOVE the idea of filling fridge with non-alcoholic beer. Could really do with some of that right now!

I had a missed miscarriage; went for my 12-week scan a couple of weeks late because Christmas and dh's father getting ill happened in the way, and they said the foetus had stopped developing. I had no warning at all and have no idea why it happened. 'just one of those things' etc is all I was told. Just hoping and praying it was a one-off and it won't happen again.

I got pg on the second cycle afterwards - ie had one period exactly 28 days after the erpc operation and then got a bfp next month. I think we got lucky... Hope we stay that way!

Have to say I am quite open about the mc and all the s*it that went with it. It really shocked me afterwards to find out how few people in rl are prepared to talk about their experiences, and it decided me as soon as it was a bit less raw to be completely frank. Some people find it a bit much but I don't care. I hate this 'don't ask don't tell' after mc attitude. If it happens again I will not be keeping it a secret, despite not telling people I'm pregnant yet! That's a different thang. [rant over]

Totally agree with you Unbuffy, I was shocked at how many people came out of the woodwork after we lost our baby and told us that they'd also lost one. I have no idea why it gets treated a shameful secret.

I mention my baby everytime I feel like talking about him, no matter who I'm with. I count myself as a mother, even though we didn't get to take our son home with us. It's true that some people feel uncomfortable when I bring up the subject but I bang on regardless because I will not be made to feel that it's my problem and something that I just shouldn't refer to ever again. I'm proud of having given birth to a beautiful son, and that will never change. [rant over, crying starting]

Am also not ashamed to cry about it whenever I damn well need to.

Well, to update I am now 10 weeks and 5 or 6 days. We paid for a scan last week as it was around the time we'd lost babies in the past and were very relieved to see the heartbeat.
Coz I'm 40 they put me under consultant care so they gave me a scan this week anyway (still gald we did one last week).
Baby is still fine, strong heartbeat, wriggling like a good'un and waved at us.
Still not telling everyone till 14 weeks (safely in the second trimester).
Am still really really really tired and a bit nauseous. Very sore boobs now and eating for the UK (stops me feeling nauseous :-)
Fingers crossed it all continues to go well for all.
:-)