What is it with men?

[MichC]

My DH is driving me mad! I am currently 40+4 totally fed up and feeling crap! He on the other hand is great! He is currently on the phone organising golf matches 4 the weekend and in the car earlier said ' my dept r going out on thurs (he is a teacher) and i've got to bloody miss out!' he then continued
' think I might drive and go 4 a few hours to get out!' when I pointed out that I would love an evening out his selective hearing kicked in! Am I over reacting wanting 2 punch him?

no no punch away, insensitive git

Ha ha I would of punched him, men are so insensitive they havn't got a clue wait while the baby arrives that will be a shock to the system! Take care and good luck not long to wait now! wish it was me Iv got til September to wait. x

shock to the system for him i ment!

Punch him. Hard. YANBU

Ggggrrrr! You've hit a raw nerve, after the birth of our DD my husband was off to the gym every evening after work leaving me at home alone with the baby until 8pm and then came home expecting his (healthy cooked) dinner on the table. Never helped out with a dream feed. Never did a night feed. Never got out of bed at the weekend to see to the baby so i could have a lie in. Never took our DD out for a few hours to give me a break. Life seemed to go on like nothing had changed for him and i couldn't even 'pop out' for a pint of milk anymore! I am now 14 weeks pregnant with DC2 and with reference to the fact i am exhausted and the house work and cooking has relaxed HE said - and i quote - "i don't want anymore kids, I can't cope with the morning sickness."

Punch them both... sounds awful

Oh, I'm so glad I'm not alone on this one! I'm only 12+5, but I've been totally wiped out and feeling really nauseous and DH isn't really responding to my (increasingly less subtle!) hints re me needing some TLC! I know it's perhaps unrealistic to expect him to be at my beck and call for the next 6 months, but he's not had to make any lifestyle changes whatsoever and, while happy about baby, is showing no interest in doing anything to prepare. Given that he has bugger all knowledge of what to do with a small baby (he won't even hold friends newborns), I feel there are things it would be helpful for him to read up on so I don't end up doing everything come October! Grrrr. or just hormonal?!

It is good that he is making plans! That means baby is bound to arrive at the optimum moment to bugger them all up! And hence putting you out of your misery.....

Actually, thinking about it, dh had tickets to some gig that he had to give to his db when I went in to be induced at 41 weeks. It took 2 days to get going so he was just hanging about a lot . But what was he even doing with tickets for a date when we COULD have had a new born? I never thought about that before! Is it too late to punish him in someway 6 years on....?

I had the whole 'I can't deal with this sickness anymore' bollocks a few days ago when I was in pain from kidney infection. Btw had despite pain kept house in order, cooked etc. as per usual all, and the way through pregnancy. His comment was after I asked for some tea!! It's starting to realy annoy me, we work the same hours in the same job plus I'm pregnant yet it doesn't occr to him to do things around the house. I've starting speaking to hi like a child, e.g 'go and clean the bathroom before you go out' or 'hover the house, including the stairs'. It's still 10% of what I do, it's still a fuss and it's hardly the adult way of sharing chores.

strawberrykate: "adult way of sharing chores"? Is there such a thing?

At least you guys are all pg! I have just had the 'I want another baby' talk with mine. Apparently, he is happy to continue using the withdrawal method, accepts the high risk of pregnancy, and would accept this outcome, because he hates using condoms. BUT, he isnt interested in actively ttc! Don't mind me dear, just as long as you are sexually satisfied!!
I am thinking of withdrawing his conjugal rights!!

I didn't want to put it on your other thread, jurisfictionoperative, because it seems a little facetious, but had you considered going on top and being, er, too involved in your own pleasure to notice that he's rapidly approaching the moment of no return?

Ladies you need a cleaner if your Dh/Ps aren't going to do their share.

Please be nice to yourselves and book outings with other mums on maternity leave on the weekends, so you get to have a bit of fun and he gets to do a bit of work.
Leave the house at least once a week without the babe. Take an hour or two to do something for yourself - get DH/P to bring babe out for a walk if you just want to sleep - schedule this into the diary.

Organise rotas regarding the childcare, feeding, whichever way you decide to feed the babe / nappy changes / bathtimes and outsource the cleaning / laundry - blokes are usually crap at it (I wonder why?), and they do it so badly that you'll feel you'll have to do it after them if they do actually do it.

Cooking should be divided equally. He should cook two times a week at lease - edible nutritious stuff, nicely presented.

Put that up on the wall as a list. Get him to sort out the shopping for 'his' dinners.

Delegate everything you can in those percious few months when you are recovering from the end of pregnancy and the birth, and the first months or so of your babe's new life, and don't forget to have fun as new mummies

You need to get organised, and nip any selfish behaviour in the bud.

Congratulations in advance to all of you!

Yes. I had considered that oldlady. Trouble is I'd then be forever branded as a sperm stealer. And I would never live it down! Ever! I prefer the withdrawing conjugal rights option! Childish I know, but I bet he caves before I do!

zazen: That's all very well, but if their partners refuse point blank to do any of that, then they're a wee bit stuck, aren't they?

It's not that my hubby refuses. He does try, in his own way. It is a lot to do with me, I am usually a control freak! He does help out with DS 2.5 a lot. It is just his lack of understanding of how him carrying on as normal is making me feel worse!i am now 5 days past due date and feeling fat, frustrated and useless. At the moment we only have one car so when he is at work i am stuck. I have been walking around the village but how boring is that? I know he works hard and i try not to moan about being bored. It is just so frustrating!!! I can't wait to be 'me' again instead of this emotional, irrational, moaning minnie!! Come on Baby!!!!!

My DP also seems to think that having a child will not change his life in the slightest.

He does no housework/cooking whatsoever although he has cleaned out the rabbit hutch after I asked him, and occassionally will load/unload the dishwasher. I am currently 38 weeks and having a shower totally knackers me so I wish he could help out more.

If I ask him to help he does but in a vaguely resentful "you're on maternity leave, you've got loads of time for housework" sort of way.

When I mention the fact that he will have to be a lot more pro-active when the baby is born he just looks upset and changes the subject.

The house is a shithole - I want to hoover/clean fridge/do laundry/clean bathroom/ wash bedding but I just don't have the energy.

I would love a cleaner but there is no way we can afford one.

I dread to think what the state of the house will be when I come back from hospital - I have this wee fantasy that DP will clean from top to bottom have fresh sheets on bed sort of thing but re know it will be a shithole

We could do the sitting down and negotiating roles thing but I think it would just upset me as I already feel incredibly guilty for having this child, ruining his life, and putting the pressure on him to financially support us (he doesn't need to but he still feels pressured).

Sorry, just wanted to moan

My DH is also somewhat deluded about how life will change after the baby is born. I'm due mid June and if I hear him telling one more person how great it is going to be that he's getting two weeks off work to watch the World Cup am going to explode. Everyone he says this too tells him he is deluded but it still doesn't seem to have sunk in.

My DH honestly thought that as I am due whilst he is on Easter hols he could save his paternaty leave and GO to the world cup with his dad! Leaving me at home with 2 DC's! Needless 2 say that dream was shattered quite quickly!

Just a bit of hope.. when i was expecting DD1 Hubby told me I wasnt the only woman to be pregnant especially when I was admitted for Hypremesis. Apparently I was 'making a fuss'. Im now 25wks expect DD4 and he is a changed man I work 3 full days and he has DD1 (5) DS (3) and DD2 (2) cooks, cleans and Works as a firefighter.
He still plays golf when he can, he'll play Cricket every saturday he's free in summer and goes to cricket games twice a year for the weekend with mates.
Now all I need to do is get him to make the packed lunches and do the ironing and I can sit back and relax.
I know I sound like Im gloating - I probably am but dont tell DH He still gets moaned at

my man has been nice to me this week and even cooked me dinner, then on my way home to see my 11 month old and pregnant 17 +6 with DC2 after an 11 hr shift it clicked why he's been making an effort this week. I arrived home to find him showered and changed as he is out all weekend on the ale as it is bank holiday.

also is it just me that feels they have to worry about money and make sandwiches for work so as not to overspend when he can get through £50 + a night down the boozer without a second thought? and make that at least 3 nights out a week!!!!

Plus just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we can't have sex, as far as he is concerned I'm not pregnant I have leprosy. Thank god for Duracell is all I can say but batteries don't replace affection and it would be nice to have a welcome home kiss now and again.

Since gone back to work 3 days per week (33hrs) part time rubbish!!! I've done more hours than him, and then I get home to washing up etc etc etc, I'm not wonderwoman and I know he isn't superman.

Thanks,

needed that rant. love to all the woman with far from perfect partners

Wow, I am sorry to hear that your flat mates (DH / DPs whatever you like to call them) are so crap and selfish. Would you put up with this behaviour if you shared your home with a friend / sister / brother.. think about it and write those rota lists. Denial of dinner / nookie etc is perfect valid IMO

Are you all right ItsGoingToBeFine? hugs your way. I hope you have support in real life, you sound like you could do with some.

That sounds tough jbakedbean - my DH didn't warm to my pregnant self either - but he was good on cuddles - he was worried about my miscarriaging or something, but was affectionate. Maybe you could talk about massages? Is he going to be put off the birth? Will you have someone there to help you no matter what?

I hear you tartyshoes - but part of it is letting him do the job his own way and relaxing your white fingered grip on things accecpt all the help you can form others also - you can sort out things later on when you have the energy!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine, it seems that you're just expecting your partner to behave like a decent human being by himself, and it looks like it won't happen...

Maybe you need to be more assertive with him, so he understands that he needs to do something at home. He will get mad with you in the beginning (and it will be tough for you, and you'll get really tired) but eventually he will understand and do some of the stuff. Sometimes I have to tell my husband thousands of times what to do and although he is really nice and is doing a lot lately I feel that he "forgets" things in the hope I'll get too tired of insisting and do stuff myself - but I won't! That would be taking the easier route. I insist until he does.

You will soon be educating a child, it would be good to have some experience in educating a husband to start with

BTW: what do you mean "guilty by having this child"? You need 2 people to "make" a baby.

Thanks for those that responded to that post - I had a good cry after writing it and felt so much better

It's really not that bad and I love my DP very, very much - he's got a lot of stress at work (and possibly a bit depressed) and really worries about having to support me and baby so I'm trying t dump as little on him as possible.

I really, really wanted this baby and may have pushed him into it a bit. I've been pretty selfish really - we can't afford this baby, I'm just relying on the fact that parents/state won't let the baby have to live in complete poverty.

So my DP is very, very nice really and we are all going to be fine, but thanks so much for the support. It really helps to be able to offload on, and get reactions from "neutral" people.