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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

No idea what to do

10 replies

EB123 · 27/03/2010 19:52

Hi everyone, i'm sorry this is a bit heavy for a first post and that it might not be in the right part of the forum but i didn't know where else to post.

Basically i've just found out that i'm 5 weeks pregnant. The dad is someone i was seeing but not anymore(it was over before i found out). He knows about it and i've said we need to meet up and talk about this and he basically said no and that its my problem for me to sort out. I know he is scared but so am i and he doesn't seem to get that. I ju
st want hom to say he'll be involved whatever i decide to do as i'm so confused right now.
I'm 26 years old and working but i live at home with my parents, as i simply can't afford to move out on my own. Also my work are going through redundancies at the moment and we are supposed to be finding out who is going next week. I wouldn't be able to live at home with the baby and i know my parents are going to go mad when i tell them(i know i'm 26 but i'm still worried about this!)
I took a test yest and another today so this is really fresh news to me and i don't know what to do next.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Orangesarenottheonlyfruit · 27/03/2010 20:02

You poor thing. I have no idea what to advise but didn't want your post to go unanswered.
Could you make an appointment with the doctor and get referred for some counselling?
Possibly the Brook Advisory Clinic might help you go through your choices?

Have you spoken to your parents?

EB123 · 27/03/2010 20:09

Hi thank you for replying. I haven't spoken to my parents yet, i really want to do it when i've calmed down a bit as i know it'll get heated and i need to have my head sorted first. I'm going to go to the docs this week, hopefully will be able to get an appointment outside of work time.
If i had job secuity it wouldn't be so bad, but if i get made redundant i'm going to be in trouble as i doubt people would want to employ a pregnant woman.

OP posts:
toja555 · 27/03/2010 21:55

Sorry to hear that it gives you headache (it is meant to be a good news, somehow). I suggest you start making up your mind on your own without involving your bf. It seems he is not ready to step in for a support. Just decide, what you really want, and take it from there.

nubbins · 27/03/2010 22:00

Hi,
so sorry you are have found yourself in this situation. My first dd was unplanned, but I don't regret having her at all. I have also had a termination, and although I regret it happened, but it was the best thing for me to do.

You really need to talk to someone who will be sympathetic, be it a friend or a councillor.

I suspect you already have an inkling as to whether you want to keep the baby or not. There is no rush to talk to your parents, especially if you think they might be less than helpful, see your dr or call a brook clinic. Once you start doing those things it will become a bit more real and the way forward might become a little clearer, even if it is just as scary.

This might not be the best forum to post on as it seems to be mostly pregnancy niggles and worries, but there are forums around for unplanned pregnancy, you should get a lot of support on those.

good luck and take care of yourself

p.s.
if your ex isn't interested, then I would get on with things without him. Kids can do without fathers who didn't want them in the first place if you ask me!

p.p.s.
you might want to start taking folic acid, stop drinking alcohol etc, it is very important in the early stages.

Heathcliffscathy · 27/03/2010 22:04

you need to take a very deep breath. let this sink in over a couple of days (whilst you make an appt with your gp) and then sit down and really think about what your heart is saying.

i was in your situation when i was 22 and had a termination. it was an easy decision at the time in that I 'knew' it was the right thing to do (i was no longer with the father was just one factor at the time). it wasn't an easy decision to live with especially when i went on to have ds. however, it was the right one for me at the time, just as it would have been the right one if i had decided to keep the baby.

also only you can make this decision, don't let anyone else do it for you.

the one thing i would say is let your heart make this decision not your head. sod the pragmatics, do you want this baby?

i feel for you.

EB123 · 28/03/2010 15:26

Thank you so much for all your replies.

I'm going to get to the docs this week andhopefully things will be a bit clearer then.

OP posts:
MumNWLondon · 28/03/2010 15:28

Oh dear, so sorry you are in this situation. Agree with other posters than you need to talk it through with unbiased counsellor / friend. Hard to give that level of support on a chat board without knowing you better.

Can see that combination of possible redundancy, not with babies father and living with parents not totally ideal, but if the pregnancy is meant to proceed you'll find a way.

it sounds like you'll know about the redundancies next week either way and you don't need to make any definate decisions before then.

I think the baby's dad is ducking out of his responsibility, he might be scared but you are too - its his problem too not just yours- if you go ahead he'll have to provide financial support.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/03/2010 15:43

Is there any chance you might be wrong about your parents' reaction? I was, ahem, less than delighted when my DS (19 yo) anounced that his girlfriend was pregnant (I didn't go ballistic, I just spent a weekend sobbing quietly that his life was over, though not where he could see me) but my dgs is nine months old now, they all live with me and are moving into their own place soon.

iknowitsmadbutiwantit · 29/03/2010 11:36

Hello.
Firstly, don't panic. You have ages to decide what you want to do. First and foremost, decide in your heart of hearts wether YOU want the baby or not. Don't include anyone else in your deliberations. At the end of the day, your parents won't be looking after this child for the next 18 years! If you decide to keep it, go to the local housing office, explain the situation and get on the housing list. If your parents are truly no help, a letter requesting you move out will speed up your application. This is my story- I was 21 when I got pg with ds, had broken up with my partner, moved home, arranged a termination, cancelled it, and been for my first scan alone, before I told anyone! I told my mum first, and she was very shocked, and insisted I have an abortion. I told her I had made my decision and baby was staying. After a day or two, she came round and has been amazing ever since. My stepfather, on the other hand, who I thought would go mad, was supportive from the first, and really suprised me. They never insisted I moved out and when I finally did were really upset to see us go. My then ex partner, was really shocked at first, but came round. He hasnt always been totally helpful, but we got back together, had a dd, and celebrated 18 years this year! If he hadn't come round to the idea, I would have gone it alone, and he WOULD have been paying child support! Even when you feel totally alone, things are always fixable. Living on benefits would be hard, but the only way is up! You are a 26 year old independent woman, capable of making your own choices, and are answerable to no one. Your partner has his own choices to make, which shouldnt affect yours, and your parents are not in control of your life. If you choose to go ahead, people will come along who will support you, new friends, midwives, health visitors, clubs, other parents you meet, other mumsnetters! If you decide to terminate, there will be other chances, you are young and healthy and have your whole life ahead of you!

Feliena · 29/03/2010 11:47

hiya - just thought id let you know that im 24 and married but i was still worried about telling my parents - took me ages was shaking and everythink so its not just you. i think its a feeling we all have that our parents may be dissapointed in us but luckly i couldnt have been more wrong!!

id also like to say that a year ago my husband lost his job and we lost our house our car and practically everything we owned- we ended up living in a grotty bedsit in a rough area of town with no heating or hot water. now were back on our feet again he got a new job and we have a lovley flat. its a very stressful time without being pregnant - i would definutly suggest getting advice not only for the pregnancy but for the redundancys too - i was so depressed about loosing everything and if you had told me then where i would be now i would nevr have believed it - think positive only you can make the right decision for yourself no one else and you will work through it and come out the other end probably doing a lot better than you ever thought you would!! xx

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