Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

3 weeks to go- pressure from sister

27 replies

PK4 · 25/03/2010 16:46

My sister is getting married in a few weeks and her hen night is 3 days before my baby is due and wedding week after due date (don't even go there!!!). I'm not her maid of honour or bridesmaid. She has one of those and I've told her that it's her job to sort it out but somehow I've been roped into helping her out. It's not that I don't want to help out, but I feel why should I organise her hen night if I'm not even going to be going to it cos who knows what's going to happen within the next 3 weeks? (I'm 37 weeks preggers). I've got enough on my plate as it is! By the way, my sister changed the wedding date 2 months ago knowing when my baby was due. I'll let you make your own minds up about that 1!
Apaprt from the rant above, I know we have to sort out where we are going and what we are going to do etc, but when it comes to her wearing the 'L' plates, veil, tiara, garter etc. Is it our job to pay for that? To be honest, I can't afford to buy her these things, especially as I've got my MOT 5 days before baby due and car insurance 2 days before baby due. I'm not being selfish but that comes 1st especially as that is my means of transport to take me to the hospital.
Obviously her wedding is more important to her as it should be, but my 1st child is more important to me. We don't have a great relationship, she has always been jealous of me and doesn't treat me very well. I've been told I'm too soft and let her walk all over me. On her wedding day I'm running around doing everything for her! I have 3 other sisters BTW. A few people have told me that she changed the wedding date cos she didn't like the fact that I was getting attention and wanted the attention focused on her so she changed wedding date to week after my baby will be due.
I'm feeling just abit fed up and overwhelmed as I'm due to give birth and I feel she is being utterly selfish and a btch basically.
Or am I being the **? Do I have any right to feel like this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

parkj83 · 25/03/2010 17:00

No, I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I'd sit her down, and spell it out pretty much how you have done above. I agree, she is coming across a tad selfish there...

My sis was my matron of honour, but my best friend organised my hen-night. We just trawled the charity shops for school ties, dressed up as school girls, and got an all-in-one tiara/veil thing from a dress-up shop I think.

She's kind of left it a bit late hasn't she, to get a hen-night organised this late?!

If all else fails resort to ebay for the L-plates...!

parkj83 · 25/03/2010 17:02

Then again, I'm the more out-spoken of the two between my sis and me!

But I do think maybe put your foot down and say, sorry, I have a baby to prepare for.

CarGirl · 25/03/2010 17:07

Blimey I think you need to explain to your sister that you are now 37 weeks pregnant the baby could arrive anytime in the next 5 weeks, perhaps even her wedding day and they are exhausted, feeling a bit unwell and that I'm afraid under the circumstances you are unable to be involved and that you are just hoping that you will be okay to come to the big day itself.

PrettyCandles · 25/03/2010 17:08

"Oh, I'm just too exhausted to move. As soon as I get home from work I'm putting my feet up and that's ^it."

"Ouch! These Braxton Hicks contractions are getting stronger and stronger."

"The midwife said I have to rest more or my blood pressure will go up too much."

And so on and so forth. In every conversation.

She has no right to run you around like this.

ReneRusso · 25/03/2010 17:12

So let me get this straight, you are not even going on the hen night? Who has asked to pay you to pay towards it? I think the cost of all the accessories should be split between everyone who is going on the hen night, and this should be organised by the chief bridesmaid. Don't let yourself get roped in, you are obviously too nice and let yourself get pushed around.
As for the wedding, why was it changed and what was the original date? Will you be even going to it? You might be in labour or recovering in hospital. It's absolute madness. YANBU, and yes you have every right to feel like you do.

carolondon · 25/03/2010 17:15

I agree, i think moving the wedding date is especially low. Does she realise that you might not even be there or might go into labour at the wedding? If she is jealous of you getting too much attention then that could backfire terribly if you start contracting during the ceremony!
I like prettycandles approach, exaggerate your symptoms whenever you speak to her.
What does the rest of your family think?

CarGirl · 25/03/2010 17:16

You may even have a stunning 3 day old baby to take and really upstage

Original poster

PK4 · 25/03/2010 17:22

That's my sister all over, selfish and is very jealous of me. The only reason I can think of her changing the date is because I'm having my 1st child. 1 of my other sisters is on holiday on her wedding day and again she knew this and still changed the wedding date.
Lol yeh I was thinking if the baby is on time it could steal her limelight. I dont know why she has to be like this and yeh I am too nice to say anything.
I'm going to get my other sisters to help out and if she dont like it- tough! I have my own life to contend with!

OP posts:

Esme01 · 25/03/2010 20:13

that is the most riduculous behaviour I have ever heard. Why hasn't any of the family said anything to her???????? She needs a bit of a reality check for sure.

Presume all these occassions are happening on your doorstep?

FabIsGettingThere · 25/03/2010 20:15

It sounds like you are being the petty one. Not going so why should I do anything/pay for anything for example.

LittleSilver · 25/03/2010 20:17

I would take to my sofa. For the next five weeks. Just don't engage with her.

seashore · 25/03/2010 20:24

Tell her to sod off.

Focus on yourself, you have very demanding time ahead of you. My sis is just like that, and it's always been horrible, since having children I've wised up and don't allow her in anymore. Your sis arranged it this way, it's her problem.

tartyhighheels · 25/03/2010 20:28

She sounds awfully wrapped up in herself so just ask one of the others to take over - you need to have some time to yourself

give birth on the altar - that will steal her thunder

umf · 25/03/2010 20:37

What CarGirl said! Disengage, think about yourself, impending birth, new motherhood - rest and prepare.

schroedingersdodo · 25/03/2010 20:47

"she has always been jealous of me," you say. No need to say it, we can see!

I don't know what I'd do in your situation (probably put a huge fight and make things worse) but I think the right thing to do would be exaggerate your symptoms, avoid doing anything and bit by bit remove yourself from all the wedding arrangements, until you have nothing to do with the whole thing (and if the baby hasn't arrived until the wedding day you go as a guest, and that's all).

You shouldn't have been asked to do anything, in the first place! You're in the last weeks of pregnancy, it's your first child, and probably has already a lot in your mind!

(I'm 35 weeks now, first baby and I'd probably freak out big time if someone asked me what she is asking of you! But then again, I probably have a worse temper than you!)

FakePlasticTrees · 25/03/2010 21:21

sorry, but your not her bridesmaid? Does she have one? In which case you say, "sorry, bridesmaid's job, get XXX to sort it." Then you refuse to organise it. Sorted. (Oh, and if you really have to, Ann Summers do L plates and simlar tacky stuff)

tiredfeet · 25/03/2010 23:25

I think you need to be firm and just say no. Its crazy that she's putting these demands on you at this time. Being (very) kind to her, maybe (!) she doesn't realise what you are going through/ how expensive a new baby is etc, so maybe you should explain this nicely and say under ordinary circumstances you would love to do more but you just can't etc.

try not to have a big falling out, but it is totally reasonable for you to say no to this.

same re the wedding day, you maybe need to warn her in advance that your ability to run around helping out may be limited.

I agree with the suggestion that maybe you could help her think of/ ask someone else to take over these jobs for you. Brides do need support but they should think about who they ask to give it!

dizzydixies · 25/03/2010 23:32

can I ask where your parents stand in all this?!

this is your last chance to relax before baby comes, grab it with both hands - there is nobody on this earth who would think leff of you for being tired and avoiding stress

she sounds like a pain in the arse with a ridiclious Bridezilla/spoilt brat issue going on

Kity · 26/03/2010 08:08

Hate to put the cat amongst the pigeons but this sounds like very typical bride behaviour, I can kind of understand where she is coming from in SOME way, your wedding day is so so important to you and all (or most brides) want to be the centre of attention for that day.
We all know that a baby top trumps a wedding, so she may be the one who feels left out and is trying (in a very ungracious way) to kind of force everyone into focusing on just her!!
I know what I was like when I was getting married, and it is one of the reasons I wanted to do that before having children coz I knew I wouldn't be able to justify that kind of selfishness once I had a baby.
Your sister obviously is so focused on her own life at the mo that yours isn't even crossing her mind! If I were you I would take the higher ground, talk to her and tell her you will do what you can to help, but that you're really not going to be feeling your best but that you want to be involved in her big day.
She may well be very jealous of you, but I can honestly honestly say if one of my sisters had been having a baby close to my wedding day I would have been devastated coz I (embarrassed to admit) wouldn't have wanted to attention take away from me

MumNWLondon · 26/03/2010 16:40

I think you just need to tell her sorry you just can't help, its up to her friends or other siblings to sort out. You must be firm!

Tell her the timing for you is lousy and she knew that when she changed the date. Tell her you really hope you get to the hen night and the wedding but you can't guarentee it and so you'll turn up if you feel up to it. (Tell her you have a lot of other costs at the moment so can't afford to pay for things either.)

You must also say that you will not be running around for her at the wedding either whether you are there heavily pregnant or with a newborn.

She's being a selfish cow. Look after yourself and your baby.

Original poster

PK4 · 26/03/2010 16:45

I don't mind if she wants the attention, after all it is her wedding day. What bride wouldn't want attention? I just don't see why does she has to be so petty to have it so close to the important milestone in my life! I've worked myself up so much now that I just refuse to let it get to me. My other sisters have agreed to organise her hen night now and I've politely said I'm constantly tired etc and they would be better suited to the job.
The answer the question about my parents thoughts on this; my dad won't get involved and doesn't really care. I've asked my mum not to say anything as my sister would see that as interfering and taking sides. So to avoid an argument, it's best I sorted it.
Thanks for all your comments. I had to get it off my chest as I felt I was boiling over and needed to let off some steam!! Also, wanted to know if I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:

whippybamboo · 26/03/2010 16:57

NO....you are not being unreasonable. It sounds like you need to set a firm boundary. She is expecting way too much from you. At this time you need to be looking after yourself and your coming baby. At 37 weeks theer was NO WAY I wanted to go out, let alone a hen night. Honestly you are not being unreasonable or selfish

dizzydixies · 26/03/2010 17:11

tbh I think you've been very patient with all her demands requests - I'd frankly have your waters break right in the middle of the ceremony and make sure that the speeches are centred around annoucing baby's arrival/weight and name - sod her

MumNWLondon · 26/03/2010 17:14

No she is being totally unreasonable not you, as she changed the date when she knew you were pregnant. As the others are saying you've been too patient with her.

Let her have all the attention but TBH she is mad if she had done it to take the attention away from you as pretty big risk to her you'll be at the wedding with brand new baby....

IMoveTheStars · 26/03/2010 17:22

What a total cow!

I'd tell her to bugger right off. There's every chance that you'll be in labour/just had the baby/week overdue on her wedding day!

There is no way you should be helping her with anything on her day at all, especially deliberately changed the date to coincide with your due date.

selfish bitch.

If you do have the baby slightly early, make sure you take your beautiful newborn to her wedding and totally upstage her, won't you?

Flip

1 2