emspeth - I understand where your coming from.
For me at the moment it isn't so much the unwanted gifts, its being rushed into making decisions. My FIL visited at the weekend and him and DH got into a discussion about what we still needed for baby (which is most things tbh, we are going to start buying something a month now I think!)
So anyway DH rolled of a little list of the sorta things we still needed to buy with FIL saying he didn't realise babies needed so much. (He had very little to do with DH as a baby, "babies are their mothers responsibilities" attitude, thankfully DH hasn't inherited it!!)
Anyway, FIL left and then 20 minutes later we're getting a phonecall saying he's in a shop and he is buying us the bottle kit simular to the one we'd mentioned. Now don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for the contribution as any help towards the big things will be brilliant, but DH dad has a habit of jumping in head first and rushing.
I felt I had no choice to accept, and luckily this kit had most of the stuff in it I wanted from the full kit I had chosen from Mothercare, but it was the being rushed to make a decision that got to me, plus the fact I will try breastfeeding and we were only going to buy the kit if it for some reason doesn't happen. However FIL isn't a man you can redirect or say no to without causing really uncomfortable tension.
On the other hand, all we have to buy is a electric bottle warmer now later on, and eventually baby will be weaned off me and onto bottles so it will be useful - just not for a while! Or maybe I'll express and try and combine both, who knows...
I thought weddings were where you had the potential to cause huge family arguements and tension, in my experience so far, the arrival first grandchildren seem to be worse! (On DH side anyway, luckily my parents are really easy going!) Haha! Sometimes I wish I could have a "I don't care" attitude and tell people as it is. I'm too nice!