No birth partner - any advice on being alone?

[pinemartina]

My relationship with my P has been on/off for a long time.There are lots of issues.He has left me for lengthy periods on many occasions and 3 times for up to 4 weeks during this pg. I am 35 weeks now and he has gone again.I wish I cd sort it all out but know I can't. I am finding the NPD Survivors thread a great support.
Meanwhile,I have 4 children from 8- 14 yrs who are not his and,whatever he says/plans to do next,and however I deal with that in the short or long-term,I can't include him in plans for giving birth and looking after the children at home during whatever may happen.
I have delivered at home,normally no probs,3 times but last dd was born by ecs at 35wks after my placenta abrupted and I haemorrhaged.We were both in hosp for 4 weeks after that.
So far this pg is ok.Baby is big for dates (ds was 11lbs ,last ds 7lbs at 35 wks)I am unsure what to do for the best now.
I can't rely on ex-p whatever happens ,so I'll be delivering alone - no family or close friends around. If I cd plan a quick normal delivery and come home the same day then great,but they don't want me to go over 40wks due to prev.deliv and big baby,so may induce at 39-40.I know about the risks and recovery time stuff with a cs but at least with a planned one,I cd make arrangements for the children.I am anxious to think of having a lengthy hospital induction without a partner and unpredictable time frame for kids at home.
Any advice gratefully received.

look into having a doula with oyu for the birth

if money is an issue , a trainee is often a cost effective way to do it.. some will work for free/expenses only when training www.doula.org.ukwww.nurturingbirth.co.uk

your might well have a MW with you for more of your labour if you are on your own

cna you at least ask him to commit being there for the DCs when you go into labour?

No,it wd be an ideal opportunity for him to make a huge fuss about what their fathers' are like,and how his child is being made to suffer for their sake etc.That is his usual "reason" for going in any case - "why should I have to be compromised by yr kids all the time,it's you I'm here for,their fathers 'should be taking responsibility,I do everything for them...blah blah"

I will look up doula's ,although it is rural nowhere land here.
Ultimately,I guess I will just have to get on with it on my own with m/w support when available.It's the children I need to make a plan for.

i would contact nurseries and childmidners and baby sitters and childcare agencies in the area asap and see if anyone could do short notice emergecny childcare

surely friends , even if not massively close friends would have the children when you went into labour? if they ae 8 -14 it's different to having anotehr baby/toddler in the house

We have been experiencing a similar-ish difficulty with finding childcare for our dd (who has a serious medical condition requiring specialist care that family/friends can't do or couldn't be responsible for).

I am 36+4 weeks now and it has been on my mind a lot. I don't have any easy solutions; but it has worked for us to create a plan for different times of the day, who we would call etc and what they would do - trying to have a back-up at each time. This way we can ask the people on our plan if they mind and they can see that they don't have to be available all the time, but at certain times of the day will be our first call etc. Hopefully this allows them to agree to do it knowing they're not taking on too much.

In our case, we've had to involve our community health nurse, social services etc; but I wonder if there is anyone who could help in your case. Perhaps an organisation like 'Homestart' - you may need a health visitor or someone to refer you.
www.home-start.org.uk/homepage
It might not be possible before you have the baby, but even if it was afterwards, if you did need to stay in hospital it could be a real help.

It's really hard if you don't have family nearby, so I feel for you. By the sounds of your previous experiences, it is most likely that your experience of birth this time will be straightforward, and the placental abruption and ecs was really unusual, although I know that isn't certain so is still a worry.
I hope things go well, but do keep asking for help (health visitor, GP, midwife or anyone else in that kind of position) as they may well have access to something like Homestart and be able to move things along quickly for you.

Good luck with the birth and afterwards.

Thank you,I will check out homestart.Checked doula's but way too expensive sadly.Not sure if I shd push for planned cs or date for induction at least,just to get some plan going?

where do you live pinemartina

i feel for you in your situation.. i have 2 DC n 22+5wks with m 3rd.
i'd h8 the thought of u bein alone n wondered if there was anywhere or any1 i know that could help you so your not stressing about this. you have enough to think about..

Hope ur ok

I can't help you but really, what a TWAT he is!

You need a doula quite simply.
Get the hardship fund and pay them what you can, there will be one willing to help you out.
Google Doula uk

I would have given birth alone if it wasn't for me doing this, I'm SO relieved to have a Doula

If you're on benefits you can get the hardship fund OP. Doula UK believe ALL mothers should be able to have a doula whether they can afford it or not, so they will sort you out.

I live in West Wales.
I'm not on benefits.
I have recently moved to this area from an even more rural part of Wales.I have been quite isolated from people over the last few years - working full time and sorting out my divorce then moving house -(impoverished by divorce as I had to pay him )then getting tangled up with this man ,who I really saw as TOTALLY different from my exes.Before he was crap,he was my hero.I really want to shore up my defences as emotional and practical vulnerability -eg normal pregnancy,birth,new baby stuff - will make it very tempting to have him back again -as I'm ure he knows,in fact,is no doubt counting on as he enjoys his irresponsible "freedom" currently.I am using another thread for that side,sorry if it's spilling over.
Thanks everyone,I'm really comforted by your consideration.