Almost at 12 weeks but more worried now than before :(

[2ndDestiny]

Not sure why I'm posting this really, it's not as if anyone here can tell me whether my baby is ok. Just have to get it out. Can't talk to DH as he sees worrying as something that I voluntarily do to myself - or to him - and will only tell me off.

Had a mmc last year and it took a year to get pg again. Have had several scans and last saw the heartbeat and wiggly baby at 9 wks. I know the chances are very good at this point. But now at 11 wks I'm freaking out more than ever, and the 7 days stretching before me until the 12 week scan seems like an age. I think it's because, after staying really detached for the first few weeks, I have finally allowed myself to believe I am pregnant and it has just hit me how badly I will cope if we have another loss at this stage.

Any tips for making the time fly til this time next week?

Sadly not. You have to resign yourself to the fact that it is going to be a long week. I had a mmc in February last year at 10 weeks and became pregnant again several months later so I sympathise with your worry.

I found MN to be a great comfort - there are plenty of threads where there are others in the same situation as you and you can obsess and share your worries!

Try to stay positive. Try to remember that the odds are always in favour of life - even right from the beginning. It seems as if that little embryo is so fragile but the opposite is true. Life is meant to be. If you saw a wiggling baby at 9 weeks it is looking very, very good.

Good luck xx

BTW I went to a hypnotherapist after the mc to try and feel positive about concieving again and the relaxation and visualisation techniques I learned I found very valuable.

Just try to spend some time relaxing each day stroking your belly and thinking of the life in there. Don't try to be detached - try to connect.

HTH x

I had an early mc last year, and I'm now pg again, I was a complete state for the first few months of this pregnancy, so I got one of those doppler things from ebay so I could listen to the baby's heart. It was so comforting and it bridges the gap between scans and starting to feel the baby move, which feels like forever.
As I'm now over 36 weeks and the baby is definitely in there and definitely poking his knobbly bits in me, I don't need the doppler any more, would you like me to send it to you?

2ndDestiny - completely understand. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and had a mmc last year at 10 weeks. I'm not due a scan until a week on Monday and I'm starting to lose the plot worrying at the moment. I think the mmc completely unnerves your own judgement as it's so horrible to think something has gone wrong but you've got no idea.

The fact that you've seen the heartbeat at 9 weeks is excellent news. As part of my massive googling of miscarriage facts, I read somewhere that mmcs where the baby has died after 8 weeks are really rare.

Like you, I think I put up a defensive wall this time round but as I get closer it is starting to crumble. No magic tips I'm afraid! I'm on a thread called Totally's grads under Pregnancy where everyone is pregnant after miscarriage and so share handholding, obsessive worrying and lots of humour and I find that helps. The other thing I try to remind myself is that it is outside my control - so I try to let go and focus on other things instead. If only it worked!

Interesting idea wasabipeanut - maybe when the wall crumbles we should actually try to embrace it.

Your fellow worry-wort!

TFLS

Thank you for all the sympathetic replies and reassurance and sorry to all of you for your losses.

TFLS, I might have a little lurky peak at your Totally's thread. I'm also at the stage where that defensive wall has really crumbled and I think that's what is causing this renewed panic, even though it's not very logical after seeing a hb at 9 weeks (we never saw a hb with the mmc, the baby never developed, just the sac).

Bettymum that is SO kind of you to offer your doppler. In fact I have just ordered one, so maybe you want to keep yours for next time around? I'm in 2 minds about whether it's a good idea to be honest, I think it will be great once I have found the hb, but as I am only 11 wks I ought to resist the urge to use it as soon as it arrives, since many women can't find a hb this early and I could do without another reason to panic myself! I think it will be great for after the 12wk scan but before I can feel the baby move...

wasabi thanks for the hypnotherapy tip -feel like I could do with something like that now, I was supposed to see a counsellor this week but accidentally missed the appt. and am kicking myself. I have some meditation CD's and will try some self-relaxation this weekend.

If I could just concentrate on my work I think that would help but so much easier said than done!

I know BTW that I am 'lucky' to have only had 1 mc, and to be pg again, and must try to appreciate that

Best of luck for your scan TFLS lets hope it great news for both of us

Hi 2ndDestiny firstly congrats on your pregnancy! I think your worries are very normal especially considering what you have been through.

As the others have said thought your chances of everything being fine are very, very good. If you see a heartbeat after 8 weeks there is a 98% chance of a healthy pregnancy!

The doppler has also really, really helped me xxx

The week before the 12 week scan drags on horrendously even if you've never mc'd, so your worrying increase is totally understandable.

All I can say is chances are it WILL be fine, and statistically you are almost certain to be on the way to a healthy baby.

I would say just allow yourself to feel and believe on your pregnancy -excitement and engagment is good for your health!!

Very best of luck, I'm sure it will be fine xx

After a mc, any woman is going to be anxious about her next pregnancy. I mc at 9wks, then went on to have 2 lovely babies, 2 seperate pregnancies. The wait before any subsequent scan created such anxiety with both pregnancies, regardless of how many weeks I was.

I was advised against a doppler by my midwife cousin - because sometimes when the babies are small - ie earlier on in pregnancies, she said sometimes the heartbeat can be tricky to locate properley. I didnt want to create more anxiety - I was bad enough as it was. Feeling the babies kicking did give me reasurance, but thats a bit later on.

I never was able to make the time fly 2ndDestiny - but as my mum used to say - what ever will be will be.

From what you have said I can see no reason why you should have a problem. Look after yourself, and I wish you all the very best.

Thank you katie, bird and MrsJames for your responses - I'm going to try to take your advice and enjoy being pregnant now since worrying won't change the outcome next week. (Although dry wretching is not that enjoyable, but at least it's mildly reassuring). Work will be busy next week so i hope that will pass the time. Have a quiet weekend to fill first (too exhausted to socialise) but will try to fill it with relaxing things...