Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I am SO STRESSED OUT that I will have no one to take care of 3yoDS when I go into labour!

27 replies

mummyoftwosoon · 10/03/2010 20:30

My sister is basically a teenager despite being 20 and she's the only one who will come travel to this city and be here with me when I'm due, she promised, but she still hasn't booked the time off work (10 days before due date and 10 days after as she promised).
I'm due on 10th of April.
She barely responds to my texts,a dn messages online, she's busy partying and I feel like I'm annoying her when I keep asking her about coming.
I wanted her to come to visit for a practise so I could show her where the hospital is etc and son's nursery and parks, as she'll be looking after him I wanted to prepare her a bit incase I went into labour early.
She said she'd ask about some time off to come, that was weeks ago and she hasn't asked yet.

I'm so stressed that I will be alone and go into labour and have DS have to go into care with strangers :'(

I only have just over 4 weeks left until due date.
I'm completely alone here :-( I don't want him traumatised by going with social services he's only a baby he just turned 3

I've had to leave people I've known behind now a few times because of domestic violence, only lived here a few months now.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
liahgen66 · 10/03/2010 20:31

where in the country are you?

Original poster
mummyoftwosoon · 10/03/2010 20:42

Nottingham

OP posts:
bluebell6 · 10/03/2010 20:50

You could try contacting Womens Aid to see what they suggest, they offer support for women who have suffered from domestic violence.

If I were you I would set up an alternative to your sister, she doesnt sound reliable.

good luck

Original poster
mummyoftwosoon · 10/03/2010 20:58

Yeah I was in a refuge for a bit part of the pregnancy, the option is to wait for it to happen then rush DCs into foster care at 3am when you go into labour.
OR have foster home booked and then go to be induced.
Either way it means bringing social services into our lives by showing them that I'm leaving DS with no one to look after him and have to resort to them which makes things look terrible and before I know it theyll be coming round to check how dusty my TV is, etc etc possibly not giving son back to me when I say I'm ready for him, I distrust them alot.
Sister still seems to be the only option.

OR have baby alone so I don't ahve to leave DS, and just call an ambulance at last minute and do everything humanly possible to avoid having to go to hospital.
Have baby in secret..
Don't want to leave my son at all..
Hospital said they'll call social services if I have him with me while I'm in labour.

I'm just dreading it non stop, spoken to many support workers about it, they say surely I would have made friends here by the due date..

I've had enough, nothing can be done.

End of.

OP posts:
NeatFreak · 10/03/2010 21:02

Does your won go to playgroup or nursery?
Could you ask about childminders locally? I'm sure some would happily take your son as an emergency.
I hope you get this sorted, sadly i'mtoo far away to help otherwise Id happily do so.

NeatFreak · 10/03/2010 21:03

won?
son!

Original poster
mummyoftwosoon · 10/03/2010 21:16

He goes to nursery occasionally when I have important appointments the children's centre funbd for him to go there.
But he doesnt go reguarily yet as he wasnt born at the right time so he has to wait a few extra months to start, silly rules.

A child minder is a good idea!
If he could get used to one that would be great, it's paying for him to see a childminder though just so he gets to know them :-/
My support team would fund him to go while i'm in labour but they dont seem to think things like emotional comfort are important, like me going to give birth alone 'many women do that itll be fine', i wonder if theyll allow some sessions to get son used to childminders... hmm
and trying to hire one who will specifically take him at any time with no notice?

This is a good idea I wonder if it's all possible..

OP posts:
PandaEis · 10/03/2010 21:23

what about neighbours? the CM idea is a good one have you tried the meet-up area on here?? you may be able to meet a nice willing MNer to watch your DS or at the very least one who is happy to be a friend whilst you are in labour i am very far from you or i would volunteer

moomaa · 10/03/2010 21:25

I do know people who have kept children in the hospital with them whilst in labour, but they have had the baby very quickly after arrival....

Sawyer64 · 10/03/2010 21:30

Some CM's do Overnight care too.

Most of them do "settling in" sessions on request.

Original poster
mummyoftwosoon · 10/03/2010 21:31

Thanks panda, I think me asking would be a great big invite for pedophiles and alike.
I've never spoken to my neighbours, they could also be dodgy.
I'm worried enough about childminders who should have had background checks.
It's very difficult for me to make friends.
I went to college 3 full days a week for a year and didn't come out of it with one friend I saw again, that year was really isolated.
I make one friend another mum with a child the same age, i discovered she was a psycho though who was abusive towards her partner.
They seem to be everywhere.

I'm being negative right now as I'm tired, sleep time!

Thanks for your suggestions x

OP posts:
rotool · 10/03/2010 21:31

I can't beleive your situation is so complicated, just what you don't need when having a new baby. I wish I could do something to help you but am sadly miles away
in Wiltshire.
I am going to send all my positive thoughts to you in the hope that you get some help. I don't think you should give up on your sister. Don't be afriad to ask her for help she is your family after all. Ring her and tell her how afraid you are and how much you and DS need her. Good Luck.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 10/03/2010 21:31

I think a Childminder would be your best bet. I have done it for my friend and as a CMer I don't usually charge parents for 'settling-in' as it's only usually an hour here and an hour there. I would offer myself but distance is an issue! Can you hire a doula for yourself? A doula is an experienced woman who provides a mother with emotional support during labour. If you cannot afford a doula, you can just make a donation with some organisations. Check out the doula website online. Good luck.

NeatFreak · 10/03/2010 21:32

I'm sure some childminders would help out as an emergency- I'm pretty sure mine would. They'd be happy to meet you both in advance- why not try ringing around and chatting to a few? If he knows the nursery would they take him as an emergency? Or could you ask if any of the staff do babysitting and could look after him if it is outside of nursery hours?

Sawyer64 · 10/03/2010 21:34

Have you no Sure Start Centres nearby,you could contact them and see if they can help maybe?

Or,if you can afford it,Something like "Sitters" a Babysitting Agency,where they do overnight care too if needed.Explain what you need and they could send someone that your DC could get used to,and then hopefully if they know your needs,would organise for the same person to be available.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 10/03/2010 21:38

Where abouts (roughly) in Nottingham are you? I am a red arrow away IYKWIM.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 10/03/2010 21:44

I do think you are over-thinking this and making it more difficult then it needs to be but I can understand you're worried and tired.

You've got a little bit of time now before the baby arrives to do some research and your priority is finding somewhere safe and familiar for your DS to stay whilst you are in labour. Labouring alone or with your DS is not an option.

Your sister sounds like a no-go. You need to be able to relax and have peace of mind whilst you are giving birth and it doesn't sound like you will get that if yuor DS stays with your sister. She is being very unhelpful and I'm sorry you don't have support around you.

Contact all of the local childminders in your area, go and visit them and get a feel for them and how they work. Tell them that you are lookiing for emergency care and overnight stays. Take your DS along with you and watch how the CMers respond to him. Ask to see their paperwork, registration certificate and any other paperwork they have. Do your research. After you have made a decision arrange for your DS to stay with the CMer for an hour or two at a time, several times a week so that he can build up trust with the CMer.

Look up online about hiring a doula as it sounds as though you would benefit from the support. You need to think about yourself aswell and a doula will provide you with the emotional support and information through your labour.

MrsGokWantsatidyhouse · 10/03/2010 21:49

Could you have a home birth?

tummytickler · 10/03/2010 21:50

Are you able to have a home birth? Lots of people have their children with them when they give birth at home - it might not be ideal, but maybe worth it if the childminder/doula/sister does not work out, or just to have another option. Please do not have the baby alone, it is not safe for you or the baby.

Maybe ask one of the workers at your sons nursery if they would take him in an emergency? Some of the girls at my sons nursery babysit in their spare time, maybe you could come to a personal arrangement with one of the workers there to cover nights and weekends?

porcamiseria · 10/03/2010 22:29

ah Mummy , what a stress.

I think you need to take a deep breath, and have a calm think, and try to be rational. I get your distrust of SS but will they not give DS back, REALLY?

Can you afford a babysitter/CM. If yes this is an option and you can even ask to be induced, if not, move to plan B

Then have a straight chat with sister, as you need to write her off, or know you can rely on her.

Then next step is to go to midwife/sure start and get their advice on this. I cant see them taking DS and not giving him back. But you need to get this worry out of your mind.

I think it would help to be very realistic about whats open to you, and then when you know whats on offer, try and get your head around it? I am sorry there is no magic solution, but if the worst case scenario happen (SS) the best thing you can do is prepare, get worries alleviated and its only going to 48 hours we hope XXXX

Cookingabun · 11/03/2010 08:12

Maybe you could consider a home birth don,t think they can refuse you one especially if you explain your circumstances to the midwife

MumNWLondon · 11/03/2010 11:30

Options seem to be:

  • homebirth - is this really out of the question because this would be best surely?
  • Ask neighbours to help you.
  • Try and find local childminder.
  • Take him into hospital with you?
  • Ask a friend who has kids to help out
  • Ask one of the mums at his nursery - I'd do this for any of DS's friends even if I hardly knew them.
Pannacotta · 11/03/2010 11:40

I agree that a home birth or CM are your best options. A home birth would be least unsettling for your DS (presuming all goes to plan).
I had both DSs at home, both born at night and DS1 woke up a few hours after DS2 was born so avoided the labour and birth and cleaning up afterwards.
Also yes asking one of the staff at your DS's nursery is an option.
Good luck.

MumNWLondon · 11/03/2010 11:57

I hadn't thought of the staff at the nursery - but this surely is the best option - after all they are all CRB checked AND they know your son - so the best option for him too.

Another option is to labour at home, and call an ambulance to take you to hospital fairly late on in the day and take your DS with. How was your birth with him - was it straightforward VB?

Babieseverywhere · 11/03/2010 12:03

I see someone mentioned Doulas further down the page.

Here is the contact details for their hardship fund, in case you qualify for a free doula, worth a try.

HTH

Swipe left for the next trending thread