Should we start telling people?

[redbird79]

Hi all, could do with some advice. Sorry if someone has already posted about this recently but am new to MN....Am five weeks pg today, first time for me and DH and of course we are really excited. The thing is I wondered when to tell people. There's no health reasons why I should specifically be worried, but of course I know things can go wrong and it is still really early days. We are going away with PIL next weekend and I'm sure they will notice if I'm not drinking much etc. Of course, if we tell them then I will need to tell my mum and dad, and trying to keep them all quiet and off Facebook will be hard (first grandchild for them all you see). We don't want to have to keep it a total secret but don't want EVERYONE to know just yet, especially work colleagues. Apologies for long post, any thoughts from those who've done this before?

I wouldnt tell anyone at this stage. Although thinking about it both times I have told my parents but that is because I needed theur help with things (hypermesis couldnt get out of bed 1st time and child care for emergency scan second time) .

I didnt tell anyone apart from in laws until 20 weeks but thats unusual tbh.

i told my parents and OH's parents the day i did the test (first g/c for my parents). told my sisters two weeks later, and had to tell my boss about 3 weeks ago as i was DYING of all-day-sickness. im 10 weeks btw.

if anything goes wrong, id rather people close to me know about it...

xx

I'm 10+3 weeks pg with my first. We told both sets of parents at about 8 weeks and asked them to keep it to themselves. We were lucky as they understood that we don't want lots of people to know till we've had the 12 week scan and check if everything looks as it should. I've told a couple of really close friends on the same basis and am planning on 'going public' after the scan providing it all looks ok.

i would tell both parents, in my exsperiences i always though if anything (touch wood) was to happen i would want my parents to help me through it etc.

Everyone is diffrent its what you feel happy with :-)

I'm 17 weeks and planning to tell no-one till 20-week scan. If everything goes wrong it'll be easier for us to cope if people don't know, but everyone's different - if you think you might need support if something went wrong, then by all means tell earlier (and then kill them if they put it on Facebook, which is the work of the devil).

I told my Mum soon after I knew, but then mc at about 9 weeks, very upsetting but it was good to have her support. Next time round, I still told her but I did wait until we were past 12 weeks before telling other people. I was glad not to have told more people first time round as I would have found it incredibly hard to have to explain what had happened.
Congrats by the way!
Maybe you could tell a small white lie about why you're not drinking?

We told both sets of parents as soon as we knew this time but no-one else until after the 12 weeks scan.

There's no way I could keep it from my mum but my in-laws live quite a way away and we don't see them often, we didn't tell them straight away the first time as they weren't very happy about our relationship and we'd only been together a year when I got pregnant, this time they were very excited!

I have a step-son and now son and we told them after the scan too, even with morning sickness I still don't feel pregnant at 15 weeks but seeing the baby makes me feel more confident about telling people.

I didn't show until about 25 weeks with my little boy and no signs so far either but it depends on how quickly you get a bump as to how long you can keep it secret!

Thanks MNers, really appreciate your advice. Think a lot of this is just being really excited coupled with being really worried- the usual I expect! Am leaning towards telling our parents this coming weekend, but swearing them to secrecy. Since I wrote this post my morning sickness and tiredness have gone up a gear and my achey bloated belly means I am having to take it easy (no housework- shame!). By the way, DH went out without me last night (my choice as I felt too rough to face people) and apparently our friends are starting to think he's buried me under the patio . Will be glad when we can start being honest with people! Thanks again and will let you know how it goes x

Hiya,

If you want to tell your parents and inlaws then you should. We told ours around 8-9 weeks and swore them to securacy. I think if you explain to them how important it is to you to keep it secret until you say so then they should understand and will not say anything.

I found telling my parens and inlaws really exciting, enjoy it!

Good luck

DH couldn't wait and told both sets of parents first time round. I miscarried and wished to God he hadn't said anything. I'm a very private person though and hate people knowing about things that are happening to me.

We waited till the 12 week scan the next time.

My brother had the same experience ie told my parents early on with his wife's first pregnancy and she miscarried at 11 weeks. They were glad they had the support though. They've had 2 more since and waited until the scan both times.

We didn't tell anyone til I had had the 12 week scan. This was partly to be on the safe side as we knew others that had had miscarriages but partly because my Dad can't keep a thing to himself as he gets soo excited about things like this!! I think most of my friends knew I was engaged before I had chance to tell them as my Dad did a phone round of all my friends parents!

TBH, wouldn't have had it any other way. No one knew we were trying and the look of shock on my parents and PIL faces when we just handed them the scan picture and they had to work out for themselves what was going on was worth having to conceal it for so long

It depends on your parents, and if they can keep a secret.

Mine cannot so we knew that when we told them they would tell the world.

If you don't trust them to keep your secret and don't want anyone to know, then you will have to wait a bit longer - agonising as it is.

There are ways of getting around telling your PILs. If you say that you are just getting over a tummy bug and that is why you are not drinking/looking a bit pale/falling asleep into your soup at dinner.

We told DH's parents and his dad then accidentally split the beans to his 17 year old sister when I was 8 weeks (who we really didn't want to tell until 12 weeks to protect her from being upset if I miscarried)

we told my parents and they are so excited but whilst my mum understands us not wanting to tell my siblings, my dad has had a go at me about how this is making him 'lie' to my sister and that I should tell her. (I think he is just excited but it is irritating and making me worry he will say something)

(next time we are definitely telling no one until 12 week scan!)

so yes, I totally agree that it depends on how sure you can be that they will keep a secret (and whether they would be comfortable being asked to)

I would have loved to tell a couple of my friends but they are notorious gossips so I didn't dare.

control maybe taken out of your hands though - my morning sickness started at 6 weeks and if you are being sick it may be a bit harder to keep from your Parents in law!

Have told all immediate family (except mum and dad, long boring story) plus best friend. Everyone else can wait until after nuchal fold and triple test results. Basically, anyone I would want to know if anything went wrong and needed support. Am 6 weeks.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my 4th and we have not told anyone.

DH and I quite enjoy sharing a little secret for a few weeks

I agree with others, I told parents and PIL as soon as we knew pretty much coz if anything were to happen I would turn to them for support. I also told my closest friend but waited til 12 week scan before we told everyone else.
Its a shame when the "whats ifs" seem to spoil what is amazingly exciting news.
Good luck

I am 6 weeks pg and told parents and our brothers/sisters this week! We did the same with our first.

I know it's early days and things can go wrong, but same as ILGH, it would be a bit of support. I was a bit more concerned this time that perhaps we should wait longer, but if I did have a m/c, I would then tell them I was pregnant so it doesn't make much difference when I look at it that way.

I have had a miscarriage before 12 weeks so I understand why some dont want to tell the whole world.

But, with my first preg I told my parents and hubby's but not all friends.
I AM SO GLAD I did because my Dad died shortly afterwards, unexpectedly.

I dont want to bring the whole thread down, but because it was the first grand child, it means a lot to me that he knew.

When I did have a miscarriage with 2nd Preg later, it helped me that everyone in the family also felt the loss.
I was quite ill with it. And I needed there support.

It is difficult tho, telling some ( eg family) but not others eg friends, I appreciate that....

This is the million dollar question isn't it. I'm 9 weeks just now.

I've told my 3 best friends, partly because we tell each other everything, and partly because they would know instantly anyway when I refused a cold Corona and asked for a lemonade!

We're not telling any family until after nuchal scan, about 12 weeks. There's no way my mum could keep it secret, and also, we want to to be able to tell them in a celebratory way, not in a 'keep it dead secret and keep your fingers crossed' kind of way.

If the worst does happen then I'll obviously tell them then, and get the same support as if I'd told them earlier.

I'm very conscious that every time you tell somebody in confidence, you are effectively putting them in a quite difficult position. 'Here's the biggest news in the world, now don't tell any of the people who will be most affected/ excited by it, even if they ask you straight out' - it's too much to ask imo.

We told my parents at 6 weeks (as soon as we found out) as it was quite a shock and needed my mum's support and (medical) advice. They were brilliant and kept it to thenselves. Told the inlaws at 8 weeks and despite asking them to keep it to themselves they got rdiculously excited and promptly told half of yorkshire and I got really upset. DH did warn me this could happen but I felt bad my parents knew and his didn't and assumed they'd be able to keep a lid on it.

Moral of the story, go with your instincts and only tell people if you know they can keep schtum and/or you need their help/support/advice!