DP in India/Philippines while I'm 36 weeks pregnant - feeling a bit panicky

[CinnabarRed]

DP told me last night that he has to go away on business for a week (for 3 days in India and then 3 days in the Philippines) in a couple of weeks time. He really has no choice in the matter. I'll be 36 weeks pregnant.

I'm struggling physically with this pregnancy (no actual problems, just very tired, uncomfortable and achy) and I'm worried about how I'm going to manage with DS (2.3). Luckily it's the first week of my maternity leave (I'm currently working FT) and I'm considering leaving DS in childcare until the new baby comes to give myself a chance to gather some strength and get everything together.

We're also moving house, and are supposed to be exchanging contracts during the week that DP is away (and completing 2 weeks after that, when I'll be 38 weeks).

Finally, as bad luck would have it, both my parents and DP's parents are on holiday the week DP is away. I'm really worried that I might go into labour and there won't be anyone to care for DS.

Please come and reassure me that it will all be fine!

Couple of reference points for you:

Very good friend of mine currently 38 weeks pregnant with second (older is 2.8) and has just been moving apartments. She is a very 'can do' person but you can tell it's been massively stressful and all her friends have been chipping in to take her older DD so they can actually move (don't underestimate how difficult that is to do with a toddler!)

My DH was going to take a trip for work - 5 hour flight away - 10 days before my due date - MIL was going to stay with me (she will be semi-helpful) and I was truly panicked about it and asked him not to. He is not going, and we are fine about that. My preg is going fine, though struggling with same issues you are - tired, tired, tired... in the main, I just didn't want DH to miss out on the birth (he was a truly amazing birth partner last time, and I would be lost without him). Unless you have a history/other indications of prem labour, I think you should be fine at 36 weeks for DH to go away... but please, please keep your childcare situation! Judging by my g/fs situation, end of preg with toddler/moving is just really, really stressful...

(Sorry, this is massively uncoordinated heap of thoughts - toddler tugging on arm demanding attention! Hope it helps, anyway...)

Thanks for replying. Really and truly, DP can't get out of this one. I wish he could, and so does he. His firm is in the process of a massive global restructure in which DP's input is intstrumental, the global CEO has 'requested' (read 'demanded') his presence, and there are going to be widescale redundancies.

Sadly, yes I do have a history of pre-term labours (thankfully all stopped with medical intervention), and when I did labour with DS it was very quick - 3 hours from waters breaking to delivering the placenta; 2 hours of contractions. If I did go into labour, I think I would have to take DS with me and hope that this labour is equally quick.

Moving house - I brought this one on myself. We're currently in a rented house and my nesting instincts just got too strong. I'm regreting it now but there's not much I can do about it!

Sorry - posted too soon - should have said there's not much I can do about the timescale for moving because it's being set by the vendors. But if push comes to shove, we can always pull out.

And will definitely keep up childcare, thanks for the tip!

I would strongly urge you not to take DS with you when you give birth unless:

a) He was older (over 4)
b) He was really expressing an interest in witnessing it for himself, and had a lot of preparation beforehand
c) someone else (preferably trusted friend who had had a baby/relative) could be there just to look after him
d) you had someone there to support just you (DH/doula if DH away, etc)

If not a) + b) + c) + d) I really, really wouldn't.... My one g/f who had her son there at the birth of her second (for whom it was a very positive experience all round) gave me above tips - it's not just me being strongly dictatorial (and v.v. sorry if it comes out that way in the post!)OK, it's both of us sticking our noses in, but with good intentions

Maybe instead, can you line up a list of friends to call who would be happy to take DS if you went into labour while DH was away? I bet they would be honoured to help out - I was a friend's back-up childcare for her birth last year and ended up being the person on call on the day - I felt so privileged to be asked, and to be available to help out at this special time in her life... I'm sure you would get an equally positive response if you asked around?

(And BTW - my husband works all the hours god sends, too, so really do feel for you on that score... it's tough, isn't it?)

Cyber hugs to you

Oh, and I'm in America, on the West Coast, not being Insane Lady Awake at 3 in the Morning....

Thanks 14hours.

I spoke to DS's childminder today, who said she would be very happy to take him any time of the day or night if I need her. In fact she was surprised that I hadn't spoken to her about it before, as she knows I don't have family nearby. I hadn't approached her because I know she's not registered for overnight stays, so I assumed she couldn't take DS - but she tells me that she can if she has him as a friend rather than in a business capacity. What a lovely lady!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way.

Bump

Your childminder sounds very lovely indeed - and how relieving for you to know that DS will potentially be in the hands of someone he knows well, who loves him, if you do go into labour while DH is away.

We also have no family nearby, so I can commiserate with you on that score, also - makes life harder, doesn't it!!

When are you due, BTW? I'm due April 22nd, so just hit the 33 week mark, and feeling like a beached whale.... DH has started to make 'vehicle reversing' noises when I roll over to get out of bed... luckily for him and his still-intact bodily organs that I find him funny....

I'm due 14 April, so about a week ahead of you. Know what you mean about beached whale - when I look in the mirror I must subconsiously move to my 'best' angle because I saw a photo taken at the weekend where gave our local bus a run for its money!

I'm sorry you too don't have family nearby. It makes kind gestures from friends even sweeter, but that doesn't quite make up.

Cinnabar we miss you on the April antenatal thread! Maybe post on there and someone will be able to help. I'm in Berks so probably a bit far away to be able to offer help but there might be someone closer.
Your childminder sounds lovely.

Nothing to add - just checking in with you; how are you doing? Are you on mat. leave yet?

Oh, and book yourself a prenatal massage if you haven't had one yet/can stretch the budget to afford one - they are Heaven on a Stick and if anyone deserves one I think it's a pregnant woman who also has a toddler!

(OK, actually, I think it's a woman with a newborn and a toddler, but I doubt we'll be traipsing off to the spa anytime soon after delivery....)

Hi Bettymum - excellent idea. Will post there later today!

Hi 14hours - one more week at work to go, and I'm counting the days! Feeling a bit more cheerful now, although a massage would be even better. Will research some options over lunch.

Hope you're both keeping well?

Fine thanks Cinnabar, only two more weeks of work to go for me, woo hoo! The hour and a half that it sometimes takes me to get in to the office is starting to wear me down...