Toddler in childcare whilst on ML with newborn?

[choceyes]

Hi,

Not sure if this is the right place to post this...

I'm currently pregnant with No2 and due in August. DS will be 21 months when No 2 is here.

Currently DS1 goes to nursery 4 days a week (8.30-4pm.)

I'm thinking of reducing his days at nursery to 2 or 3 when I start on ML...so the question is should I go for 3 days or 2. I've been mulling over this for ages now and can't decide.
An issue is that as the nursery doesn't open till 8.30 (as it's an onsite nursery at my workplace), my DH can't do the drop offs as he's a teacher and needs to be in work by 8.30. He can however pick him up at 5.30pm.

How realistic is it that I could do the drop off during the early weeks of having to deal with a newborn? Dropping off means walking 30mins into city centre and then another 30mins back home again. I really don't relish doing this especially when the whether is crap and i'm so tired looking after a newborn. Also I'm likely to have an elective c-section.

I'm thinking doing 2 days is easier than 3 due to the drop off issue, but having DS in nursery for 2 days enough to get enough of a break with the newborn?
I had serious issues with breastfeeding DS, not latching on (had to express for 11 months in the end) and I'm determined to succeed this time, but I'm worried how I can deal with that with a toddler in tow on my own 3 days a week. My family live 300miles away and prob will visit us every fortnight or so.

Also I'm worried that 2 days a week at nursery is not enough stimulation for DS. I'm sure I will take him to playgroups and whatnot, so it prob will be OK I guess.

Sorry about the long essay. Will be grateful if anybody has any advice!

Hi, I'm in a similar situation - DD will be 23 months when DC2 is born in July.

We have decided to take her out of childcare altogether - I did think about keeping her with her c/m for a few hours a week but felt I would then be restricted by getting her there/back etc. She only does 15 hours atm anyway though so slightly different.

Is there any other way of doing the school pick up other than walking? Could you get a bus or something? It doesn't sound like a good idea to me, doing that much walking straight after a c-section.

We are going to see how it goes without childcare and if I really feel I need to send DD somewhere (which I'm really hoping I don't, so looking forward to having more time with her) then I thought I might look at local pre-school sessions.

Would that be an option, or do you want continuity of care for when you go back to work (same nursery?)

Sorry, I'm not much help!

can you not find something more local for him, even if less hours?

i think 3 days is better than 2 however totally unrealistic to do hour walk first thing esp after c-section. might be good exercise once you have and also more convienent if you leave house slightly later eg leave house at 9am so baby can sleep 9am - 10am.

however as you say by october the weatehr will probably be rubbish... can you get a bus, or drive once you have recovered from c-section?

My DS has been in nursery for 2 days whilst i have been on maternity leave (Since September)

he was there full time

it has been a life saver for us and for him

the 2 days he is there, he really enjoys and it takes some pressure off me so i just have DD to take care of

we have to drive - we could walk but would take a good 25 mins

can you take a taxi sometimes? I have done this and it has worked well ...

it has been utterly knackering and in the early days i was so grateful for the time DS was in nursery - i could then go to bed and feed DD laying down ...

I have two DCs. DS is 20 months and DD is 8 weeks. DS is in nursery 3 days a week and it has been ideal for all of us. The only thing I would change is that I would have kept him full time for the first month to allow me to properly establish breastfeeding without needing to run around after him. I have to do nursery pick up (a 75 min round trip on the tube. DH does drop off) and I have still found it the best option even in the early days. I love time with both of them and I love time on my own with DD. DS loves nursery and playing with his friends. So I'd vote for 3 days a week starting a month or so after your due date. Oh and get a good sling....

Thanks everyone for the advice!

I don't drive so that's not an option I'm afraid. Also as we live near city centre, the buses are so packed out and trying to get a buggy (let alone a double buggy!!) on and off in the rush hour would be a lot of hassle..it'll prob be easier to walk it to be honest. Also the buses don't go near the nursery..anoher 10min walk so it's not worth it.

A taxi is definitely an option though (a black cab though so can get pram in). Will have to see whether it is an affordable option to do it regularly.

I don't want to take it out of this nursery to a closer one as he's settled in that one and it's only next door to my work so I really don't want to risk losing his place there.

Sorry to be difficult! But it really helps reading about other people's situations and what is feasible and what's not.

Also meant to say that my DH will be there full time for about 2 weeks after the birth as he'll be on school holidays and then I could ask my mum to come and take DS into nursery (or look after him) and then DH will take 2 weeks paternity leave after that. So it'll prob be 6 weeks after the birth that I will be facing the drop offs on my own.

So do you think it'll be better that way and I could do nursery 3 days a week?

my DD will be 21 months when this baby is born. She went to a childminders mon-wed 8-430 when i worked. I cant afford to keep her in for that long, so dropped the hours 930-230 mon, and 10-2 tues and wed. She was just doing 10-1 tues and wed but i found i needed the extra time just to rest (and i havent even had the baby yet!). If its possible i would go for the 3 days, you will be so tired and your DS will want entertaining and you'll just want to sleep! Also I didnt think it was fair to take my DD out of childcare as she loves going so much, and i know she gets a lot of stimulation there which i wont be able to offer for awhile after the baby is born.
good luck whatever you decide

I had your exact situation. DS1 was 22 months when ds1 was born, no car and workplace nursery 30 mins away (do you live in York??). DH worked away so not avail for drop offs or pick ups.

I kept DS1 in nursery (3 days) was a bit of a pain getting him there and back if the wether was grim but i used to walk or get the bus if v. wet.

Im glad i kept him in, he enjoyed it and it gave me some time alone with DS2 which was lovely (plus my house was clean). Someone did say to me when i was trying to decide that it is actually less disruptive to leave him in nursery than to have changed his routine by taking him out.

I used to drop him at 9/930ish and pick him up at 330ish so it wasnt a long day for him. I would say go a bit later to avoid the rush hour (leaves you bus option then) plus you dont have to race out of the house.

TBH i quite enjoyed the walk in, got me out of the house...i also would have a potter round town some days, meet a mate for coffeee or go to the mother and baby showing at the cinema...was highly civilised and relaxing, which is not how it was on the days with ds1 . I felt that i still had 2 days to do things all 3 of us, plus the weekend but i really valued the time with just ds2 and me too.

I also had a c/s and could manage the walk at a relaxed pace after 4 weeks or so.

Wise older friend pointed out to me that the first child's status does not change at childcare - they are as important as they always were, unlike at home. So it is vv good for them!

I think if you have got 6 weeks of nursery runs covered you should do 3 days as it is only the morning ones.
Is it essential hes there at 8.30 or could you do a later drop off to take the pressure off a bit ? even an hour would make a difference or negotiate it when you ahve anidea of when the baby feeds ( which will be clearer after a few weeks
the time alone with your lo will be lovely, will help with feeding and your son will continue to enjoy nursery.

My 3 year old is staying in full time childcare (9.30-4.30), I also have a one week old baby. I have told kindergarten that he will be arriving a bit later than normal, in order to give me the flexibility to get us there in my own time.

DH and my mum are taking him and picking him up at the moment (I had a section) which is great. I think you need to think about the long term rather than just the weeks immediately after birth. By 6 weeks you will be able to manage the walk yourself.

Keeping his routine and activity levels stable will make the transition to new family dynamics easier. My son had a big fuss made of him by the staff and other kids about being a big brother now and it made me well up it was so sweet and made him feel important.

A large proportion of his daily world is defined by his experience there so I want him to keep that influence. Also it's less tiring to drop him off there than it is to keep him at home all day every day. By a factor of about a million...

Thanks again for more replies!

Yes I was actually thinking of taking him in a bit later...so he'll probably be in from 9.30-5.30. He's always only stayed till 4pm so I'm hoping it won't be too long a day for him. 3 days of those hours aren't too much for him is it?? He'll be nearly 2 anyway. He's settled in well at nursery from the beginning so he should be OK I guess.

I live in Manchester - in reply to somebody who asked if I lived in York!

DS had stayed at nursery for 3 days a week whilst I've been on ML. I have to do all drop offs and collections as DH leaves for work at 7am and doesn't get home till 630pm. It's a 15 min drive to nursery.

Do you have to be there for 830? I drop DS off around 930-10ish (It generally takes us till then to be ready to leave the house, regardless of having been up since 6 , and today he didn't get in till 1030!) then I collect him between 4pm-530pm depending on where I am/what I'm doing.

In the early weeks make sure you've fed baby just before you leave the house - even if that means you leave for nursery later than planned- eventually you'll get into a routine for getting out, but it does take a while.

Definitely recommend a sling, either for the walk or for public transport.

Also, we kept DS in for 4 days until DD was around 12wks, then dropped to 3 days once we were more settled.