Things I will do this time

[tingelingle]

Hi, this is my first post, though I've been spying on you for a bit! I am pregnant with my second and have been wallowing in woe today. My first pregnancy was fine but the labour was horrible and the following year or so I really struggled. Now I'm pg again, I've been getting very scared about the what ifs, starting with how I will cope in pregnancy with a toddler. You name it, I can get worried about it.

Anyway, I'm not posting about my fears, I am posting this to pull myself together!

This time will be different because:

1. I will ask for help and not think I'm doing a bad job or that DC will be in some way mentally scarred because his/her mummy let someone else hold them for 5 mins;
2. It doesn't make me rubbish if I can't get up through the night and then fail to function in the day;
3. I may have to resort to TV to entertain my toddler and I will hold fast in the belief that it is actually educational and not going to harm her chances on in life;
4. I will stop trying to be perfect and content myself with merely being adequate.

Right, that's all there in black and white. Now, if someone could remind me of this list from time to time!

Thanks for indulging me. It's an up and down time for everyone but I wish you all the best as you muddle through.

I think this list is brilliant I am a first timer and these are things I need to remember!

I've decided that I'm going to be a bit better about what I eat. That's a lot easier this time round because I'm not travelling home from work hungry when the only food available was bad for me!

As for your labour fears, may I recommend two things:

1. A book called Blooming Birth. It includes a section about second pregnancies and fears about labour owing to a previous difficult birth. All very good stuff.

2. You seriously think about hiring a doula. I had one for DD and it was the best thing I'd ever done. If you have concerns about cost, then you could see if a trainee was available (who will do their first few births at reduced cost or even free). Equally, they have a hardship fund so that every woman has access to a doula. It's really helpful because they can advocate for you in a way that neither you nor your partner are in a position too. Plus they provide really valuable support. Research has shown that it can even reduce your pain in labour! (More info here: www. doula.org.uk)

What a brilliant thread! I remember feeling exactly the same when expecting #2. I'm now pg with dc3 and would like to add the following:

1. Cbeebies is very educational.
2. Shoving dc in front of the telly is PRICELESS if it means that I can catch up on some sleep following a night of endless child's bed-swapping.
3. I will smile serenely through MIL's comments about how the baby looks so much like her son.
4. I will not fret about mixed feeding if it means that I can get a good night's sleep for once whilst DH takes over the feeding schedule.
5. I will remember that most women go through feelings of sheer terror during transition in labour and that it doesn't mean that I can't push this baby out.
6. Allowing dcs to snack on crisps from time to time won't lead them to have adhd.

brilliant, my second time round"

1. Agree with cbeebies being educational...
2. not getting so upset if breastfeeding doesnt work out
3. not being afraid of giving a dummy
4. not to run around making tea for visitors/making sure the house is clean for their arrival
5. not to spend my money on things for the baby that are just gimmicks!!

Brilliant! I will...

1. Accept no visitors for the first week/stay in my room for a week after the birth, to establish breastfeeding with no distractions.

2. Care not that I still look pregnant and my belly is hanging over my c-section scar in a hideous way.

3. Care not that my boobs are so massive and sore that I can't lie down on my front, have a shower or wear clothes comfortably.

I will not...

1. Go to the shops in the first week home in a desperate attempt to find something that will fit over my enormous bazookas and get upset that I can't get enormous smock-type clothes back over my head. I will just wear maternity clothes and not care.

2. Live in fear of someone asking when the baby is due. Who cares if I still look pregnant.

Hmm, I'm going to try anyway.

Dye my eyelashes before so I don't look like death after giving birth.

I'm not normally vain, but I did look like sh** in the 'new baby' photos...

New baby photos? What are they? This time I am going to staple the camera to OH's hand, so he can't put it down even if he wants to.

Ha. Me too re photos. This is my third. We have no pics of DD. I have an album of DS in hospital with me, with dad, with grandma, in pram, first bath etc etc. None of DD. This one will be different.

Brilliant, all in the spirit. It's actually genuinely helped me to be more positive by posting this. God, I'm such a worrier!

Adding 2 more to the list

1. I will use food as bribery when attempting to persuade my DD to do unreasonable things like get dressed.
2. I have about 34 weeks to go. I will now forget that number and enjoy my life today rather than wishing for the future. And I will not look on baby development sites 5 times a day, 7 days a week in the hope that it will speed things up. Not much anyway.

Good luck everyone, especially with remembering these resolutions when it comes to your day.

First time mums - aim to be as rubbish as possible in all aspects of parenting from pregnancy on. You can only then feel smug when you do something better. It's an easier option than trying to be perfect and failing. Trust me on this, I was there soooooo many times.

x

tingle - I know exactly what you mean regarding trying to speed up the time. I'm going to add that one to my list. My computer home page is stacked full of "baby development" and "pregnancy countdown" gadgets. They are going TODAY!

Ha, love this..... here's mine, 3rd time around and working full time....

1. I will not obsess over having a 'perfect' pregnancy
2. I too, will not stalk baby development sites (or at least I'll try not to....)
3. I will not try and be superwoman and do it all
4. I will eat better (quickly finishes large bag of crisps and hides crumbs)
5. I will exercise
6. I will RELAX!!!

my resolutions:

I will NOT worry so much! If breastfeeding goes tits up again (pardon the pun) I will not spend a fortnight crying.

I will not get horrifically upset if I have to have another section.

I will not run around town panicking that i cannot find a baby hand/footprinting kit when he/she is 6 days old. I will stay at home and cuddle him/her and not care if the dishes aren't done.

My daughter has learned an astonishing amount from kids tv. there are days when I am too tired to plan hundreds of activities like a crazy woman. I will remember they will both be happier if I am rested and not snapping and snarling.

most of all i will not panic, not spend huge amounts of money on crap that babies do not need, (especially noisy electronic toys they don't like anyway) and try and enjoy every minute.

oh and I will not be rushing weaning, potty training, and comparing my child to others. Why on earth do we want them to grow up so fast?

It's my second time round. I will:

Not use pethidine during labour, it was crap and i'm sure it messed up breastfeeding...(long story but it seems that it can, by making the baby very sleepy for days, so he/she doesn't latch properly, and before you know it,it's bleeding nipples and agony for the next 2 months)

Not give in to flippin' crazy notions of DP's about showing the baby off, and dragging me to Fireworks night at a London park, 4 days after i'd had a c-section.

Take some time to bond with the baby,and breastfeed on demand. NOT READ ANY STUPID BOOKS ABOUT 3 HOURLY FEEDING SCHEDULES AND ROUTINES.

Not buy loads of baby-crap which won't get used (shaped swaddling blanket, baby bath, bumbo).

Not have my mum in the labour suite, & NOT let her invite my dad and his new partner to come and see me while I was f*cked on pethidine and halfway through a 43hr labour.

Make sure I get DC used to taking a bottle as soon as b/f is establised...we missed the window last time and he never took a bottle at all! We had to wait til he could use a tippy cup.

I will:
Use a dummy; Use a sling; establish a night time routine quite quickly; breastfeed wherever I want to.

Brilliant! Due my 3rd.

1. I will stand my ground during this labour! Its my body and some smiley headed fresh out of college never had a baby midwife will not be convincing me something is normal or ok when I KNOW it isnt. In fact will start assertiveness training now!

2. Pregnancy does not bring out my inner earth mother and its ok!

3. I am retiring my superwoman outfit! something has got to give and it cant be my sanity.

4. Militant mummies are banned! It is ok to to mix feed if breast feeding isnt working or a nights sleep is more important. There is a half way house between army routine and baby ruling the roost routing. I am different so what work for me will be different too.

5. women whos houses are spotless and children are constantly clean are boring sods without a life! I will be calmer about the pirate styled sitting room and the slathered-in-mud-but-look-mummy-i-brouht-you-a-worm look. If they are happy who am i to argue!

6)I need me time! I will learn to not feel guilty about it. I will also try to give myself as much attention as I do everyone else and not loose myself this time round.

7. I will remind myself that it will all be ok. If our little family bubble is happy nothing else matters.

8. I am buying a nursing chair this time!!

Love it! Am 24 weeks with my second and

1. I will try and be more relaxed and less neurotic about everything. Am sure the baby will be fine if the room temperature is 20 instead of 18 and will try and not wake the baby up all the time while checking if too hot or too cold!

1. will not let myself get so upset about breastfeeding. If it doesn't work again then so be it.

1. learn that what is right for some babies may not work for yours. Figure out what's best for you as a family and dont worry what other people think.

1. If I am feeling sad, anxious, overwhelmed find someone to talk to.

And finally, Cbeebies is highly educational although my DD is more partial to Play Disney!

im 22 weeks with #3 and last baby.
I had dc2 after a 10 year gap so it felt all new again and i did feel quite lost.
so with dc3 i want to be more assertive while in hospital and when dealing with visitors when im home.(Who all seem to want the same thing ..for the baby to open its eyes ) honestly like thats the most important thing after ive had a em c-section

1: i will not have any visitors dying to get a peep at the baby in my house the day i come home after an emcs.

2: i will not sit and smile on my sofa while in pain.

3: i will spend as much time as possible in bed while DH is off work, starting from the moment i get home from hospital

4: if visitors want to see baby then they will just have to wait.

5: i will give BF a go for the 1st time ever.

6: i will not be in any rush to leave the house and if it does take 4 hours to get out for 1 hour than so what maybe tomorrow it will only take 3.