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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

20 week scan on Weds - finding out the sex but feel a bit weird about it

12 replies

BettyButterknife · 22/02/2010 09:54

Pregnant with DC2, didn't find out what we were having first time round with DS and hadn't really planned to this time either.

However, DS keeps saying it's a girl, so I thought it might be wise to find out so that we can get him used to the idea if it's not. Also, I haven't really bonded with this baby yet - too busy, it seems - and I've heard people say that once they know what it is it becomes less abstract and they feel better able to think of it as a person.

Anyway, long and short is that we have decided to find out on Wednesday at the scan, baby permitting, but up until now everyone we know has been saying 'ooh, I think it's a girl', 'wouldn't you love a girl this time?' etc. and I've started to believe that it is. Not that I would be upset if it were a boy, not really. Part of me would be a little sad that I will never have a daughter (we're stopping at two) but I love boys, my DS is great and another of him would be brilliant. My neighbour has two teenage sons who are really close to their dad, and sometimes I see a look of sadness in the mum like she's being left out a bit. And that does make me feel a bit

But I'm getting ahead of myself! I'm not really sure what I'm asking, just that I feel a bit like I've got to the stage where I think it's a girl and if it isn't, I'm worried how I'll feel. Anyone been there? Would appreciate any advice. Thanks.

OP posts:

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ArcticFox · 22/02/2010 10:22

I havent been there....but about to go there. Decided to find out as I'm convinced it's a girl and will be shell shocked if it's not. There is no rational reason why it's likely to be a girl but whenever I imagine life with a baby, it's always a girl.

Like you, I totally dont mind what flavour I get, but it's more about adjusting my thoughts to think in terms of him instead of her

(also, DH and I cant agree on any names and I dont have the energy to fight a war on 2 fronts)

susiey · 22/02/2010 10:26

the reason I found out at 20 weeks with mine was so I could get used to the idea whatever it was before they arrived

they were 80% sure with my dd and she was

and 100% sure with my son and he was

I wasn't sure how I would feel having a son but finding out let me get used to the idea and now I find boys just adorable

I think I would find out if I were you if they can tell you then at least you'll know either way and start to get excited now

mumtobe2010 · 22/02/2010 10:39

At my 20 week scan they weren't certain of the sex as the cord was in the way but they told me that everything pointed towards a girl. Had a 4d scan and i found out im having a girl

peppapighastakenovermylife · 22/02/2010 12:01

I found it kind of helped with second (although I found out with first too) because of the practicalities of things. I could get DS to choose clothes etc for 'his sister' rather than just 'the baby'.

If you are starting to form ideas about whether it is a boy or a girl it might help to know so then you can plan. Of course I understand you will be happy with a healthy baby either way though.

Boys might bond with their dads but boys really love their mummies! Its lovely to have one of each, have a daughter etc but it really does come down to individual personality.

bluefootedpenguin · 22/02/2010 16:19

I found out with my DD and they were about 90% sure she was a girl but was laying in a strange position. I was really surprised as I was convinced I was going to have a boy but the shock lasted minutes before I was thinking about my little girl and no disappointment. I was really against finding out the sex of our first child but my husband started to say things like "I'm not really thinking about the baby till it gets here, as I don't want to hope for a boy and it be a girl and feel disappointed or vice versa" so I thought it was important we find out. I am so glad we did, and I am sure that it helped us bond with her well before she was born. We were quite set on a name and even our parents started referring to her by it before she was born. I am just approaching 20 weeks with my second baby and plan to find out this time too. Logistically it will help us sort out things ahead of time but I am also looking forward to knowing for the second part of my pregnancy whether we are having a DD or a DS. Will not be disappointed either way.

PanicMode · 22/02/2010 17:10

I am pg with a VERY surprise number four - I had counselling about being pregnant again as I really didn't want to be, and as a Catholic, termination wasn't an option (but at 6 weeks pg I was wishing I could have a mc - that's how screwed up I was about it). I begged DH to let me find out what we were having because I thought it would help me get my head around the idea better; he was VERY resistant to the idea as we didn't find out with the others. He eventually agreed, on the condition that we don't tell anyone else (and so far I've managed to keep it secret!).

TBH, I wish I hadn't found out with this one - it hasn't helped me bond better (the counselling had helped sort my head out) and both DH and I came out of our scan and said to each other simultaneously "I'll deny this if ever asked, but I'm a bit disappointed" - not so much with the sex, but with the fact that the rest of the pg now just feels like a chore to be got through, without that wonderful surprise at the end. DD is DESPERATE for a sister (she has two brothers) but I have been managing her expectations so that should it be another brother she has lots of good reasons for being the only girl in the family....

don't know whether that helps give you a different perspective or not - good luck deciding!!

daytoday · 22/02/2010 18:02

Found out sex of my second baby and TOTALLY regret the decision. It was a girl, which I was hoping for. Found it surreal and odd. Think really hard, think about how exciting it is to find out the gender of your baby when they are born. You push etc - baby comes out, its handed to you. Wow! It's amazing.

Now think about finding out the gender in a sterile scan room and being given a photo of the scan.

Haggisfish · 23/02/2010 09:50

We found out, and we were both glad we had. like yourselves, we had convinced ourselves it was a boy (absolutely no good reason for this!), but found out it was actually a girl. I wouldn't say we were disappointed, but it has allowed us both time to readjust our mindsets and get used to the idea of having a daughter rather than a son.

It's such a personal decision though!

MrsDmamee · 23/02/2010 17:37

im 22 weeks and i decided seen as this was our last dc we wouldnt find out.

But id like to know too, my ds is calling the baby a girl and his sister, but he is only 3 so im wondering should i find out so i can prepare him if it is a brother.
I'd also like to wait until the day i have baby too to find it..and then i can annouce to everyone what baby is, as last time it was just "oh the baby is born " no need to tell what it was as everyone knew it was a boy.

Mil keeps asking me am "i finding out" and "when could i find out", even though ive told her at least 22WEEKS AGO that we weren't. But she is waiting for her 1st DGD after 3 DGS.
Her latest is "oh was it you that was telling me you changed your mind and are going to find out"
but honestly i think i will wait, last time DH needed to know and this time he is letting me decide.

mumtobe2010 · 24/02/2010 10:17

I doon't regret finding out the sex at all. I was in total shock when I found out I was pregnant so finding out the sex made everything so much more real.

AllieW · 24/02/2010 10:57

I didn't want to with DD but changed my mind a the last minute. DH wants us to find out this time so that we can pick the name on that basis (and utterly refuses to contemplate any name options in the meantime ).

GhoulsAreLoud · 24/02/2010 22:51

Hi betty, did you find out?

We didn't find out with DD, but this time I really wanted to find out. For some reason I think I assumed we'd have a boy second time round - mainly because in DH's family it is almost all boys for generations.

Anyway, we found out last week that we are having another little girl. It was a bit of a shock, but not a bad shock, if that makes sense. I'm glad we know, I don't want any surprises this time round!

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